Copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it into a new email. Don't forget to delete out all the other email addresses so this doesn't get impossibly long. Change all of the answers so that they apply to you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know *INCLUDING* the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about your friends. It is fun and easy.
1. First Name: "Mr." Although I am considering changing my name to "Death". I bet, if my name were "Death", that people would keep their stupid fucking children away from me. Maybe ALL people would stay away from me, but I'm just dreaming now. Remember that movie "Bull Durham"? "Crash" would be a pretty cool name, too. Wait; how about "Mr. Crash Death" as a full name. God damn I'm a genius.
2. Were you named after anyone? Oh please. My sweet loving (idiot) parents gave me 3 last names; 3. So I just get on to the next phase by making my first name "Mr." My family history was not revealed to me in my youth--when I sort of cared. I certainly don't care now, and don't know either--so I guess it's all okay. If I AM named after somebody, then I hope they're fucking happy about it.
3. Do you wish on stars? Maybe back when I believed in idealistic possibilities, but not in the last 10 years. Understand that I am way beyond regular grumpy right now. Fuck you.
4. When did you last cry? Last night's serrano peppers.
5. Do you like your handwriting? Apparently. And I miss my handwriting, too, because the whole world revolves around these stupid computer screens now. Nobody "writes" anymore; and not me either. That could be part of the problem right there. I used to write great letters.
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Good question; thank you. Some kind of turkey breast; smoked, honey, spiced, peppered, or maybe your mama's.
7. What is your birth date? About 3 months after Trent Reznor, about 3 weeks before Shania Twain. Also; 2 years to the day before Deion Sanders. Oh yeah, and 1 year to the day after my favorite hockey player Brett Hull.
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? This is going to take hours, hang on: No it's not. I threw out or gave away all my embarrassing CD's. All I have are the meat and the sweet, and shit that I got from the radio stations. Perhaps there might be an embarrassing album in my record collection; I don't know. I listened to alot of stupid shit in the 80's and 90's, but I never bought any country or new wave. I've found a few things that I bought and only played 1 or 2 times--but that's because they were weak, not embarrassing.
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Another good question. No. When I find a pissy, sarcastic smartass (like myself), I stay the fuck away. Unlike the rest of you morons, when I find a person who says "I don't like people", I RESPECT that, and leave him alone.
10. Are you a daredevil? Used to be; but no more (back issues).
11. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? Oh, probably. Shit; what are we talking about here? Is this an X-Files secret, or something that might hurt the feelings of somebody? Do you want to know if I can be a mean and nasty asshole? Not in the past, no, but I'm going to unhinge a few doors on my way out of here, motherfucker.
12. Do looks matter? Pay attention; all you have to be is "NOT UGLY", and ANYBODY can be not ugly. People who are ugly have no excuse. As long as you are not ugly, then looks don't matter.
13. How do you release anger? Loud music, talking to myself, and bar games. Masturbation. Cooking. Cussing. Sarcasm. I have lots of anger. You could say that everything I do is a release of anger.
14. Where is your second home? In my imagination, and it's very quiet there.
15. Do you trust others easily? I have in the past, and we sure as fuck won't be making that mistake again.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Little Legos and giant Tinkertoys. Later I would be fascinated with slot cars, hand-held Mattel Electronics games, and the Vertibird; but I'm not going to explain it. I'm one of those people who says that high quality toys can ignite genius in young minds; televisual learning is another branch that goes untapped. So then I wind up making pipes out of Legos, and watching canned laughter on Gilligan's Island for 10 years when somebody should have had me in a lab applying common sense to universal problems...What I needed and lacked was a bomb-making kit; which I would have used sparingly at first, but eventually would have blown myself up with it.
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Ha. Other than Jabo's Sociology as a senior, what class WASN'T totally useless?
18. Do you have a journal? Used to keep them, but it turns out that along with being evil AND full of shit, women are also nosey. They like to go and read the private written thoughts of their guys; women don't seem to grasp the whole privacy factor. Stupid fucking women; they are the downfall of humanity. I could run with this, but I'm not going to.
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Without it I would have nothing.
20. What are your nicknames? Purple Guy, Pinball Wizard, Stinky Head
21. Would you bungee jump? This is one of the many activities that I am forced to NOT do because of lower back issues.
22. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes; I wear mid and high topped shoes now--they must be untied.
23. Do you think that you are strong? Used to be. Wait; what is this shit? Physically, mentally; is this about doing sit-ups, or about dealing with people dying?
24. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? I've finally figured out WHY I like Pralines + Cream and Jamocha Almond Fudge! I want it all, and I want it all in a way that can make every bite a unique experience. I want some crunch, some taste stripes of carmel or coffee (or something else), and some color. I'm always checking out the best combination-type ice creams; I want at least 3 different things going on in my ice cream, baby!
25. Shoe Size? Left foot 11; right foot 10.5. Don't fucking ask.
26. red/pink ? Are we talking about panties, toenail color, pigtail ribbons, or the middle of a $10 steak? I'm hungry and horny.
27. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Oh fuck you. My addiction to minimal amusement seems to hold me back.
28. Who do you miss most? "And now everybody's gone, and you've been there for too long, to face this on your own, well I guess this is growing up." Wanna know what I miss? I miss bars and pinball machines, cars, houses and apartments, one specific radio job; did I meniton bars? Food, too. I'm sitting here, trying to think of somebody I miss. I still talk to my FCP; I do miss her, but I will see her again. Does that count? You know; you would think that in my thrilling life there would be a teacher, a mentor, a boss or co-worker, somebody of relative significance that I gave a shit about who's gone now. And what kind of "gone"; dead gone like Elvis, or just moved away gone like Dax V?
29. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back? I want all of you to die painfully and quietly.
30. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Blue house shorts and a black Mountain Dew shirt, barefoot and unshowered. Going, right now, to go get another cup of Code Red, and trying to think of reasons to go/not go to the bar again tonight. Oops, no cup this time; I'm just going to swig the rest out of the 2-liter bottle. Put a new 2-liter bottle in the fridge, and there's 2 more 2-liters waiting for their turn in the rotation. Wasn't there already a question about red/pink? They sure don't call it Code "Pink", motherfucker.
31. What are you listening to right now? Yeah, what happened? I was diggin on the 1996 Elektra Records Sampler; Afghan Whigs, Superdrag, Spacehog, Pete Droge--I must've turned it off when I went to get more drink. It's back on now, thank you; this fuckin' CD rocks. Afghan Whigs music is so angry; I like that. Gonna dig out my "Gentlemen" CD now; I am Debonair, baby.
32. Last thing you ate? Girlfriend made some killer bow tie pasta with tofu, in a very light marinara sauce. That was lunch. I'm thinking about some kind of Mexican dinner now. (Later; the 2 burrito dinner from Eriberto's)
33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? I think it is SO cool that my FCP actually named that crayon, Mango Tango. I would like to be the "midnight blue" crayon; a slightly unusual, very deep color that nobody knows exactly what to do with--so it sits in the box alone and untouched. Eventually it will get thrown away and forgotten, without anybody ever getting to see how beautifully cool and dark it really is. Wow; fuck, did I type all of that?
34. What is the weather like right now? I could not care less. It's raining, and I have wasted the whole day inside doing absoluely nothing. Soon it will be dark and I will go to the bar. Inside the bar it's a gloomy, smokey 74 degrees--I checked.
35. Last person you talked to on the phone? I cheated. Tried to call my FCP, right then, so I could say it was her. But she and her man are moving to a new place today, and she doesn't have time to deal with a pissy, nihilistic ex-DJ in a writing slump.
36. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Recently I have done intense studying on this very issue! Turns out that there are 8 focal points on another human being; male or female: hair, eyes, smile; brains, boobs, butt; legs and feet. Turns out that it's important for me to know if a person is paying attention to me--so I look for their eyes first. This is all "looks" noticing though. My people must also have decent voices, and must be capable of independent thought. So (minimal) brains are more important to me than for most people, and I put a high value on voice.
37. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, very much so. Of the few people I do like, it might scare her to know how much I like her. Other than my Mom, there are only 2 women left on this stupid planet that I will talk to--and the Air Guitar Solo that sent me this is one of them. Bite me.
38. Favorite Drink? Where are we? At home; coffee. At work; Mountain Dew. At the bar; Michelob Ultra.
39. Favorite Sport? Football and the New England Patriots. Baseball and basketball are done, hockey is gone, and soccer hasn't caught on. I'll watch Arena Football, Canadian Football only has 3 downs per possession, and college football is good too (Go SEC); so the answer is football. These New England Patriots, from the year 2000 through 2005 today, are the first football team I know of that has "interchangeable parts"--and all the players work together for the overall benefit of the team. This is the football team of the future; this is true teamwork, this is what all the kids should be studying right now. A smart Hollywood (ha) would quickly make a movie about these guys.
40. Hair Color? Ever puked up a Snickers bar? That's my hair color. Hang on..."Snickers Bar Puke" would be a good band name; I'm spitting diamonds over here.
41. Eye Color? Used to be 'bottom of the swimming pool blue', but my eyes have gotten a tad darker and more depressed as I realize how empty, selfish and pathetic the world is. Dirty swimming pool blue; fuck, I don't know. Look deep into my eyes and tell me what kind of light blue misery you see. Bitch.
42. Do you wear contacts? No; and if I had to wear some shit like that, I would wear glasses--so the bar smoke would not do extra damage. My yummy, smart girlfriend wears glasses.
43. Favorite Food? Something spicey. Something neat with the possibility of being messy--like a burrito! This gyro place opened up close by, too, and I like the gyros. I eat sandcwiches everyday because they are convenient, and I'll keep eating them; I like lots of food.
44. Last Movie You Watched? Catwoman; it was a very watchable B movie.
45. Favorite Day of The Year? They all suck.
46. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? How about a nice little Extinction Level Event to shut all of you idiots up? Where is the choice for depression; 'scary' or 'happy'. Shit. Like; remember that movie "Barfly"? That's pure depression, baby. His was a brilliant mind wasted; mine is a "solution-oriented" mind never applied.
47. Summer or Winter? With much debate, I want to have the chance to go chase a dog or a frisbee, or both, so I'll go with Summer. Yeah; I'd rather sweat than shiver. Here's an idea; I'll move to Oregon.
48. Hugs OR Kisses? I am deficient in both right now (obviously). Kisses can be work, but hugs are mostly theraputic.
49. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Sex; let's sexercise off some of that meal we just ate...
50. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? Your mama.
51. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Your goldfish.
53. What Books Are You Reading? Some new sales book.
54. What's On Your Mouse Pad? It's a swirly blue thing that my Mom got me, with a wrist rest. Dark blue; hey it's...midnight blue--look at that.
55. What Did You Watch Last night? PTI and that new show Numb3rs (it has Fleishman from Northern Exposure, and Natalie from Sportsnight).
56. Favorite Smells? Coffee, vanilla, frying bacon, Coast soap, Stetson cologne, Royal Lime, good incense, and many illegal ones that won't be mentioned here. Panties; panties are always good. Coconut lotion on smooth bronze legs makes a nice smell / visual there; thank you.
57. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Both are massively important. But my pick would always be the Stones.
58. What's the furthest you've been from home? Planet Earth, and I am dying to get back to wherever the fuck I came from. Or just die; period. What is so fucking scary about death anyway? There's nobody bugging you to do some stupid shit that you don't want to do. There's nobody saying that 'you have so much potential, if you'd just follow the rules more'. You have no expectations, and nobody can disappoint you. Death is quiet; a blessing (no crying children) and a curse (no music). Okay; how did we go from 'furthest from home' to death? It's about time to go to the bar...The bar is very close to home...And someday I may own a bar so that I can live in it, and then I won't have to GO anywhere. That would be a bar; WITH music, and WITHOUT crying children. A bar; with Rolling Stones and Afghan Whigs as background noise; Bill Hicks videos and New England Patriots games on a huge tv. Pinball. Golden Tee. Darts. Loud and quiet. A bar; we'll eat turkey burritos, pour Code Red on ice cream, and rub pretty pink female things all over our faces. We'll write notes, tell secrets, pretend to read each other's journals, cry, and compare CD collections. We'll draw with crayons, make prank phone calls; discuss weather and seasons. We'll hug AND kiss, and take turns pleasing each other. Eventually we may even get drunk and pass out. And when we wake up, we'll still be in the bar! It's a world within a world; a plot inside a movie, a life inside a box. It's not real, and it never fucking meant to be. It wasn't the bar's idea to be here, okay? This was all somebody else's master-fucking-plan, and I hope that they are as entertained as I plan to be. Wow. Time to take a shower and go drink.