Describe Your Lifestyle in Less Than Three Words: Low Impact.
Describe Your Personality in Less Than Three Words: Clever, Crude.
Do you enjoy reading and/or writing poetry? I like to write.
Is music important to you? Very important.
Are you artistic/creative? Compared to the other useless eaters, I am semi-creative, yes. I draw with words; my SO can both word-draw and picture-write.
Coffee Time:
First off, do you even dig coffee? I love coffee; the only time to not drink it is in the middle of a May heat wave--like this one. I'm drinking coffee now, today, but probably only a cup or 2. Not my regular 5 or 6.
About how many times a week do you drink coffee? Times? 5 cups a day?
What time of day do you usually drink it? In between breakfast and lunch.
How long have you been drinking coffee? 24 years.
Do you ever refer to coffee as java or joe? Whatever makes you pour it faster; sure.
How about mocha, ink, or perk? "Mocha" isn't coffee, "Ink" has alcohol (or used to), and "Perk" sounds like Percocet. I'll take a "perc" if you're sharing.
Have you ever even heard these being used? Not lately.
Do you ever substitute a meal with coffee? Coffee is food, beer is food; and if you have enough of them, we'll make Percocet food, too.
Are you easily affected by caffeine? Define "easily". Probably not. But if I drink a half gallon or more, I get a speed-talking caffeine buzz.
What do you usually drink coffee out of? Good question. Go look at the bottom of your 5 favorite coffee mugs; they were ALL made in China. Even my pretty Crater Lake coffee mug was made in China. I thought China hated us, and put lead in our Disney baby bibs. Why are we still doing business with China?
Do you think taste is affected by what you drink it out of? It can be, but not hugely.
Is coffee one of your favorite beverages? Coffee, Beer, and Code Red Mountain Dew.
Do you like coffee ice cream? Yes; very much.
Do you enjoy it black? Not usually.
Do you enjoy it without sweetener, period? Naaa.
Do you always drink it with milk/cream? Usually a non-dairy creamer.
Do you like flavored coffee/adding flavor? Not really; it's already coffee-flavored.
Do you think a good coffee should be sweet and dessert-like? Not always.
Do you drink it hot, Cold, iced Or both? Hot.
What brand of coffee do you drink? Right now it's this Bay Area Espresso stuff; very strong. We prefer fair-trade, shade grown.
Do you like your coffee weak or strong? Strong, usually.
Do you drink decaf? Never.
In your opinion, what are the characteristics of an excellent coffee? It's within reach.
Do you like making your own coffee at home? Or do you prefer it out? Ha. Coffee is personal; it should be for either work or home. I like to make it.
What does the word coffee make you think of? Morning mouth sex.
Who got you to start drinking coffee? Not "who", but "what"? A broken hot chocolate machine in 1983.
How does it affect the way you act? Calming.
Is coffee like a drug? Yes; like sex.
Do you think its bad for you as many claim? No; sex is good for you.
Do you feel as if your growth has been stunted? Not by coffee or sex; no.
Are you addicted? No; I can substitute Code Red on hot days.
High School Crush Stuff, I guess:
Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone? No. I can't even get her to watch us kiss.
When you're walking, do you stop to drink? Where am I walking, and what am I drinking? Am I naked? Is it dark? Up or down steps? These are valid concerns, and this question has nothing to do with high school sex.
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it? No I don't.
Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle? Land vehicle; yes. Air vehicle; no. Space vehicle; not yet (but I have big plans for space porn; gravitate on that, bitch).
Ever snuck out of your house? As a teen, and a 20-something; yes.
Break someone’s heart or have your heart broken? My heart doesn't break so much since high school.
What did you do today? Got out of bed, drank coffee, cooked pasta, checked e-mail.
Do you like someone right this second? I like 2 someones right this second.
Would you ever get a tattoo? Possibly, but I have not yet.
What was the last thing you ate? Judging by the candy wrapper on the floor, I apparently ate a 5 oz Symphony bar at about 4 am. I've already made some more Rigatoni today, for later.
Are you a morning person or a night person? I would rather do nights; maybe I'll get a third shift security guard job.
Do you snore? Supposedly.
Do you know anyone who has gotten an abortion? Yes; and more people need tham.
What would you do if you opened up your front door to a dead body? I would be impressed, and I'd ask the dead body exactly how he/she rang the doorbell.
Do you like to spend time with people? There are 2 people I like to spend time with.
Are you hungry? ONE of the 2 people I like to spend time with makes me very hungry; yes. Excellent question.
Are you a forgiving person? I have examples that go both ways; so maybe my answer to this is that I CAN forgive--if I feel that the person is deserving. But 90 to 95% of all people are idiots, and they weren't worthy of the trust you originally put in them. Forgive my hairy white ass.
When was the last time you did the dishes? Yesterday; I enjoy washing dishes, talking to myself, and underwear-dancing in the kitchen. In fact, I'll be heading back down there soon.
Are you talking to anyone while doing this? Kind of. She's not really here, but I pretend she is.
Do you want a relationship right now? Another one? Thank you; no. I'm busy enough.
What are you about to do? Cook, dance, eat, drink some more coffee. Probably masturbate. Why?
If you could be a superhero what would you want to do? Super speed to yo-yo between the east and west coast instantly.
Your name plus "ness"? Overnight Guy-ness?
Three feelings at the moment? Longing, sweating, throbbing. Damn; I forgot "hungry".
Done anything you regret so far in life? Absolutely. Perhaps you should have asked what my biggest regret so far is.
Are you listening to anything? I just finished the "Make Believe" Weezer (again), now heading for "A Boy Named Goo". 1996, right? Nope; '95. Oh well.
Where are you right now? At my desk? Lane County? Slightly north of California? USA? What exactly are you trying to ask?
Last movie you watched? Serenity here at home. Static Girl and I went to see "Ironman" at the mall; it was good.
Last song you sang out loud? Before "Long Way Down" right here, it was Weezer's "Perfect Situation".
Are you thinking of someone right now? Yes. You caught me. And I'm smiling; I bet she's smiling, too. But don't ask us why we're smiling.
Have you changed much this year? I lost a job, and gained a girlfriend.
Where was the last place you went besides where you are? The bathroom? The bar? Phoenix? Again; be more specific.
Do you dress for style or comfort? Comfort
What's the craziest thing you've done? Define "crazy". Crazy would be letting some other fool make the important decisions in your life. I don't do that.
Favorite color(s)? Purple, with a green chaser
What is your favorite Nickelback song? Probably "Rock Stars". Good question.
What are you looking forward to this summer? Bikinis.
Last time you smiled? Earlier in this survey; pink-icing cupcake, cheerleaders and cherries. I'm starting to get hungry; see how this works? Onion Ring me, pancake syrupy, and there will be grape popsicles later.
If you could choose any fate what would you choose? Read that last question again; food and sexercise.
If you could have anything in the world, what would you want? 2 questions ago now; add some whipped cream and Crown Royal. Lay out the shower curtain, too; this is going to get messy.
Are you taken/single? Singular, but dually-directed.
How old were you when you had your first kiss? 15; and it was a sympathy kiss--she didn't even like me.
What color is your underwear? My new soft blue boxer briefs.
Miss anyone right now? Yes; I miss my long-distance girlfriend--hot sauce for my heart.
Last person you saw? Static Girl.
What was the last thing you said to someone? To Static Girl I said "Don't die!".
How many good friends do you have? This answer changes frequently. I have very few good friends, and the number dwindles daily.
Have you ever cheated on a partner? Yes; it was mutual cheating.
Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? I think so. We "created" this relationship to fit us.
What is your idea of true love? This has changed so many times. True love has to fuel your passion; true love must make you hungry.
Do you believe in love at first sight? It has happened before--to thousands of people. So to NOT believe in 'love at first sight' would make you pretty damn stupid. Wouldn't it?
Why or why not? I answered in a complete sentence, thank you.
Do you believe that it is best to have a friendship first then love? Maybe; but I have experience both ways.
Do you believe that love can be found in bars or is that too much of a risk? Find love in a bar? Good luck. I'd rather love the bar than try to find love in it. If it has a pinball machine, then I can LEARN to love the bar. Maybe if other people would LEARN how to love, they might figure out that bars are not the place to find love. Was that a full wrap-around? You're welcome.
Should men and women be expecting the other to buy the other gifts? Women can buy me whatever they want to, and the person who wrote this survey needs grammar assistance: "Each."
Who should wear the pants in the relationship or should it be a mutual give and take? Every relationship is different--and relationships are not an exact science; let the individual skills and strengths determine the coupled coordination. And most of you idiots will never figure out what you're doing wrong.
Should chauvinists of either gender be in a relationship? Know your role (3 words to fix so many things--including these last 4 questions). And, wow; you went all the way there, huh? Entitled women and chauvinist men; all looking for love at first site, in the bar, with their pre-conceived, gift-buying notions about what "true love" and a "relationship" should be. Again; good luck!
Do this survey, hear some good music, and send it to somebody you have a crush on.