It's very important for a couple to agree on most major issues of life, and to not agree on just as many minor ones...
So I'm sitting with Static Girl on the Warped Tour (futon), and we're watching Titus on tv (not a great show, but pretty good). We like Titus' girlfriend, Erin, because she's smart, pretty, and has short hair. But on this episode, Erin is obsessed with parenthood and becoming pregnant--or maybe she was already pregnant and planning parenthood
(we hadn't seen the show in a while).
Static asks me why Erin would want to get pregnant. Cheri points out that Erin is beautiful, and that a baby will ruin Erin's body, and babies are expensive and time-consuming, etc. Cheri asks me how any intelligent person would CHOOSE to have a baby.
I tried to explain to Static Girl how most every female in the world gets to some strange point in her life where she thinks it's not only her right, but actually her DUTY to have a baby. And Cheri asks 'why?'. No, sweet girl, don't ask 'why?' yet; many women don't even stop at one. Lots of women, especially poor ones, have a whole bunch of kids--for no clear reason whatsoever. Cheri said "That's just stupid." I said "I know." and then I started kissing on her...
For the two of us, the opinionated conversational potential is spectacular. However...
I like to talk, and she likes it quiet. And this point alone COULD be the downfall of any relationship, but it's not even as big a dilemma as this one:
I am certainly an affectionate person, but she would rather limit physical contact.
As bad as this double jeopardy might look, we work together on these.
She is the person who will finally tell me to shut up, or at least make it known that she is no longer listening to me (leave the room). I try to appreciate this as the end of our current conversation, and consider the content of our next talk-time.
As for the affection differential, we migrate toward each other again; she let's me hug her often, and I make the most of our limited contact. In turn--she often sits near me, and will initiate occaisional touching and hand-holding.
We ALWAYS hold hands while walking together--no exceptions.
And I highly recommend this if you are serious about a relationship.
As creative individuals, we spend many hours home at the same time--but not necessarily in the same room. When I do go to hug her, she tries to not dwell on the interruption that it creates, and I put alot of "oompf" into every hug.
She and I agree on, and sometimes mutually flex, exactly what our relationship should contain. Seriously, you could learn alot from us.
There's also lots of different jigsaw puzzle-piece fittings, and symbiotic little back-scratchings that we get really lucky on, yes; but this all started with two people who already had accepted themselves as individuals.
Neither of us wanted to change or be changed, and neither of us needs to be "completed" by a relationship.
I did so want this to be the romance-metaphor-epic, and instead it is merely the boring and beautiful truth. Do you think "love" is what creates the magic between two people? It might be. But we have found "love" to be far too complicated for our own tortured souls.
It is all we can do, and it works very well that we simply like each other alot.