You're going to sense much less compassion from me toward the average American food "consumer" in this commentary. If you morons are still out there chugging COW milk, and eating "McRib" sandwiches, then there is no hope for you (And why the F are you even here, anyway?). This is about LEGITIMATE OPTIONS, okay? You don't have to comply--just don't complain about how 'nothing can replace my chocolate/ice cream/butter/burgers'.
First up; The Big One, from my current hometown of Eugene, Oregon: SO Delicious products (go take a look--we'll wait). Most of everything here is based in coconut--which is pretty cool. My vegan girlfriend HATES coconut (as a flavor), but she loves SO Delicious products (because they don't taste like coconut). Did you see the incredibly healthy Jillian Michaels as the spokesperson? Okay--that was the front page. Here is a short list of the many products offered. So--pay attention; this IS your better-than-milk replacement, as well as your better-than-ice cream replacement. They also have better-than-ice cream sandwiches, sorbet (fruity, sherbet-like stuff), liquid coffee creamer replacements, and yogurt replacements. This company is the best thing to happen for vegetarians/vegans, possibly EVER! I'm not joking.
Let's move to chocolate! The company is Chocolate Decadence, also from Eugene, Oregon (gee, imagine). Vegan, gluten-free, and delicious! The company has had blurbs about it on CNN and the Ellen show. Try this chocolate ONE TIME, and you will be convinced that chocolate DOES have a vegan replacement. They can/do make chocolate for any occasion, and you will be amazed by the quality. Don't argue with me until you've tried it. This company IS the best thing to happen for vegan chocolate lovers, EVER!
Next up; butter? Okay; well, this is now old news--but we'll pretend that you people cannot actually think for yourselves (snicker). The first step away from factory-farmed cow butter would be Smart Balance . It is a fine product, and you should try it, but it's not promoted as vegan. To go fully vegan, you'll want to try Earth Balance products. Products; yes, plural: Earth Balance also makes a few different types of milk, and other things. So; Smart Balance is good, and Earth Balance is even better.
Since I last typed out words about vegetarianism, some more good burger-replacements have come to light. Even the little sissy store that YOU shop in is slowly acquiring more healthy options. Boca burgers are good (the Boca fake chicken patties are the house favorite here), Gardenburgers are also okay, and most of the Morningstar stuff is fine--although only vegetarian. Definitely try the Morningstar fake ribs/fake barbeque sauce--just to be surprised at how good they are! Again--most of it is not completely vegan, but for now I am just trying to get you to see options. Before you can TRY the options, you do have to SEE them (my girlfriend is much less patient than I am).
Okay; let's get to it: Cheese. There's the ONE word that keeps me from going fully vegan. I USED to say that vegans needed some "soy milk chocolate" and an "adequate cheese substitute". Well; Chocolate Decadence fixed the chocolate problem. And I do not have a horse in this 'cheese substitute' race. However; there is a relatively new company that I just heard about last week, Daiya Foods, that supposedly has the best cheese substitute yet. Now; I haven't tried it yet (Dude, isn't this YOUR commentary?). Yes; I wrote this commentary for 2 Eugene businesses (Turtle Mountain and Chocolate Decadence)--thank you. During the contemplation process (October, 2011) for this commentary, Static Girl and I dined at the new location of The Cornbread Cafe (vegan restaurant), and that's where we learned about this Daiya stuff. I even found a bag of this fake vegan Daiya cheese at Fred Meyer (Kroger), and bought it--we'll try it this week--so we are very close to knowing if it is really meant to be.
Is there a hold up? Not really. But it's kind of like meeting the REAL Salma Hayek; once you actually MEET the real lady, then there is no mystery/romance/wonder left to ponder. See? If this fake Daiya cheese is good enough, then it really WILL challenge my omnivorous status. Good luck with your food-consumption strategies, sheeple, you're going to need it!