Overnight Guy's Comment: That's $417,000,000,000. He didn't even ask us if we thought it was a good idea.
#2. Nobody pays any attention to the "war coverage" on NBC; here's why: NBC is owned by General Electric. General Electric is already lined up to be paid $600 million in contracts to help rebuild Iraq.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Do you think NBC would ever report anything negative about a war that they're making money off of? And now with $400+ billion more to be spent, ol' General Electric is about to clean up on this here war. I mean "that there war". Whatever.
2 and a half: Sunday's paper, 8-15-04, Valley and State again, the headline reads "Population growth worsening drought".
Overnight Guy's Comment: Hey, wow, that's almost exactly what I was saying last week in the 1st paragraph of the Arizona Solar Project commentary. I should've been a reporter.
#3. There's this Arizona lady, Vanessa Raban, who had 5 kids, but no home telephone. She got 4 of the kids home from school and out of the van to go back inside the house, but somehow forgot the 7-month old baby still strapped in the van--in the front seat! It was more than an hour later before she realized that the infant was still in the vehicle. The baby died.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Where to start? How do you NOT see the infant strapped in the front seat--where you left it? 5 kids, but no home phone? I'm sensing a priority conflict here. How do you not notice 1 of your kids missing for over an hour? Again; how do you have children but not have a phone? And I mean NO phone. Not even a cell phone; this bitch had to leave her kids behind and run down the street to find some neighbor's house from which she could call 911. This was the headline "7-month-old left in van dies" of Valley and State news for Wednesday 8-11-04 of the Republic. Go the fuck online and read about this joke. Cast your own judgement. Make your own comments. I did.
And then comes Thursday. A follow-up story on Vanessa has her next-door neighbor praising her as a great mom. Statistics in the follow-up story cite that many more children are frying in vehicles now because so many kids are being put in the back seats--and the parents forget about them. Ha. But we already know that Vanessa's 7-month old was forgotten in the FRONT seat--that's part of the story, remember? Ms. Raban had to look RIGHT AT the infant before exiting the vehicle and rushing back inside. And what, exactly, was this "great mom" Vanessa doing for over an hour while her baby died in the van? In her own words, she was "playing around on the computer". Again; go the fuck online and read about this Republic story on the front page of Valley and State for 8-12-04. I couldn't make this up; if I were to MAKE UP shit like this and print it, people would say that I was bashing women.
OGC: Troubling? How about that 87% of the nip/tucking is still being done to women? Women are funny. I bet that a woman wrote this story; I should check.
2. All 4 of these are pretty much Phoenix stories; Mallrats! Summertime has kids and young teens spending 6, 8, or even 10 hours a day "hanging out" at the mall. Unsupervised (except for a few security guards) kids hardly go to the movies they're supposed to; they clog walkways and cause trouble for the other mall shoppers. Curfews are being enacted in some places, but parents apparently love all of this free babysitting.
OGC: I don't go to malls anymore; there's too many damn kids. However, if I wanted to abduct some kiddies for torture or porn flicks, yeah baby, malling I would go!
2 and a half: Agua! "Toxic groundwater spreading" was the headline on Tuesday. "A plume of toxic chemicals under the airport, ballpark, and central Phoenix neighborhoods continues to spread west hundreds of feet per year, despite attempts over two decades to contain it."
OGC: Yeah, so the groundwater's toxic, and we're in a drought. So what?
4. "Household supplies appear in water" was Friday's headline. We're going to have a "commission" study this "problem", after learning that traces of steroids, drugs, caffeine, disinfectants and other chemicals have been found in Arizona rivers. It's being called a "looming problem with no clear solution".
OGC: This is the kind of stuff that makes you wonder what people are thinking when they flush the toilet.
Saturn is no longer a cool independent car company; they are now just a division of GM. Boy that sucks.
156 illegal immigrants were being held under a $400K house in a nice Phoenix neighborhood; that's a new record total.
We've got a vehicular homicidal maniac of a priest, Bishop O'Brien, who's on the stand lying about how he didn't realize he had hit a person. He's contradicting himself, in court, and may face up to 45 months in jail. Imagine how much time you or I would spend in jail for driving over somebody, killing them, and then lying about it in court.
Gasoline is back up over 1.61 a gallon again. Why?
Overnight Guy's Comment: I tried to tell you.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Whew; that was close. The free trade policies prove that our administration is on the ball--hey we're only losing a tiny bit of money here; what's $40.3 billion? Excuse me; I mean $40.2 billion?
Overnight Guy's Comment: Yeah, I've been to parties like that.
#2 Americans eat out on an average of 4.2 times a week; according to the National Restaurant Association.
Overnight Guy's Comment: There are many places that I wish I could eat at more often, and I am seriously craving a bar-b-que feast right now (so is TPG), but I only eat out usually 1 or 2 times a week (Tuesday/Thursday Star burgers). As a chain restaurant manager, TPG eats out 2 meals a day--a minimum of 15 times a week (in fact, there is no "house food" at his place other than what I take him).
#2 and a half: Oral and lip-pircings increase the risk of gum diseaase, painful infections, and tooth loss. People without the "mouth jewelry" are considerably less likely ro suffer.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Damn; and I was just about to go have something attached. Whatever. I saw a 60+ year old guy in a grocery parking lot whose ear was gruesomely deformed by some piercing he got 40 years ago. The twisted flesh, scabbing, and wrongly grown over infected area looked really cool. What will a 60 yr. old person with a tongue or lip ring look like? I guess we'll have to wait 20 years, huh?
#3 Thunderbird high school; a couple of miles from here: 4 kids overdosed on psychotic drugs.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Hey look; they all cry and hug--just like Columbine. Kids today need a lifeguard like me to help them use slightly better judgement about the things they ingest. But you guys would rather have me calling you on the phone instead--and that's okay, too.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Oh shut the hell up. I am now in-the-loop on how our singular media covers news stories. Media One is going to keep saying that telemarketing is in trouble because that's what you want to hear. Later on Media One will simply say 'well I guess we were wrong'. I LOVE reminding you sheep that phone-working IS my business now. This 'List' is going to eliminate about 20% of your sales calls; that's it. Businesses are scrambling for loopholes, they have been for months, and they will go on. And my new company sets appointments (we do NOT ask for money on the phone), so the new laws don't bother us at all. You're still screwed, you're home phone is still screwed; everything is SSDD. And you are welcome; corporate downsizing CREATED the "call" for telelmarketing. This is what YOU wanted, you freakin' crap stuffers, so I hope you are happy.
#2: Maytag, under the questionable leadership of CEO Ralph Hake (as in: there's a monkey flying the airplane you're on), has been moving operations to Reynosa Mexico for the cheap labor over the past 2 years; this isn't really new or unexpected. 2 parts plants are already down there, and now a refrigerator plant is going there.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Ethics? What ethics? Maytag used to be an all-American brand; didn't they put U. S. flags on their dishwashers? I bet they won't be doing that anymore; snicker. I'll leave you with the quote from former Maytag employee Sue Wilson; she said "They still sell a refrigerator for $2000. What's in this for the consumer?" Good question, Sue.
#2 and a half: I have nothing; it's time to phase this crap out.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Bite me.
#3 (from the land of under-aged married girls) Arizona has a deliberate problem with polygamy that goes unchecked by any level of the government. The police force in Colorado City is polygamous.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Rather than talk about how terrible this is, I'd like to really get "hands-on" with it and do my part to make sure that everybody is having a super good time. Where do I sign up?
#1 National fact; in 2002, in America, referring to the mothers of children who were aged 6 to 13, 78% of these mothers worked jobs outside the home.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Isn't this great? Even though the women CANNOT be home with them, these women still want kids; ha! Women are so cute! Do you hear that old guy giggling in the background? Yeah; that's me.
And this "factoid" is from my new business--so we know that it is true. Part of the sales pitch is "Do you want your wife to HAVE to work, or would you rather she AT LEAST have the OPTION to stay home with the kids during their early years?" My new business doesn't insult women for being idiots--it appeals to the men by saying 'don't you want the option?'. This is a brilliant tactic.
#2 A vegetarian diet may rival statin drugs for lowering cholesterol. The vegetarian diet is easier to maintain, and cheaper, too.
Overnight Guy's Comment: We will eventually prove fully that the vegetarian way of life is better. The milk and meat farmers of the world will someday understand that they are merchants of death. Until then, just try to limit your intake of meat and dairy. For example; one serving every other day.
#2 and a half: In a new study conducted by the University of Utah, car cell phone use is riskier than DUI.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Yeah, no kidding. The drunks are steering with both hands and trying hard to NOT wreck. Cell phone morons don't even know what's going on; you idiots.
#3 (from the oven disguised as a parking lot) Mesa, AZ: A 33 yr. old babysitter caring for 3 children accidentally left one of them, an 18-month old infant, strapped in a van seat for an hour. Unfortunately the baby died.
Overnight Guy's Comment: No cute comments. The lady was a good friend of the family, and sometimes kids get left behind. I do find it odd that between the lady and the other 2 kids that nobody noticed the infant missing for an hour.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Hang on; no, REALLY. Wait for the explanation. Joe Blue Collar at the Ford plant is not in danger THIS time. Ford SAYS that it needs to cut white-collar jobs; those unnecessary and overpaid levels of corporate fudge-packers (think: Bambi or Kudzu at Southern Broadcasting). Ford says that they want to get serious about being the #2 automaker in the world. So let's all raise a glass for Ford for at least saying the right thing.
#2 Dumbasses of my age-group are buying more motorcycles and dying while riding them. Sales and death-rates are both rising.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Yawn. But let's give credit where credit is due. Motorcycle riders don't have toupees or botox. If you're going to try to recapture your youth, ride a motorcycle--and date a biker chick. Sure it's dangerous; but it's better than being a lying sissy.
#2 and a half: Kobe Bryant is arrested for sexual abuse, and maybe adultery.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Kobe Freakin' Bryant? THAT'S your "2 and a half" of the week? I don't think so. The fossilized remains of a giant swimming lizard dinosaur thing were found in Loch Ness; PROVING that there really was, and possibly still is, a Loch Ness Monster. Yeah, that's pretty amazing stuff (wow, aliens really do exist). But Dough Boy here wants to talk about Kobe Bryant's lust for 19 yr. old girls. I need a nap.
#3 (from the over-heating radiator of the desert Wal-Mart parking lot) Nothing. We almost had a fist-fight in some state congressional thing (yawn). Some woman left her kid in a locked car for 30 minutes and was charged with neglect (rolling my eyes). Another meth lab blew up, and some suff to make bombs was stolen (taking that nap now). I give up, okay?
Overnight Guy's Comment: Monsooner is better than monlater. G'night.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Trust me; we'll have 60 mil signed up before mid-August. You people are too stupid too realize that this "list" is only going to eliminate about 20% of your telemarketing calls--the most antagonizing ones are still waiting for you to answer (snicker); and it won't make a dent in the phone calls I make at my new job now. Kiss my ass.
#2 National: (I was reading back through some of my old newspaper news--damn entertaining stuff, by the way--and realized I had not even mentioned that...) Our Supreme Court, the highest Court in the world, has APPROVED the absolutely insane and cheating practices of higher learning institutions to promote diversity.
Overnight Guy's Comment: This story is a few weeks old now, but I find it a bit AMUSING that a person with darker skin color is looked upon as EQUAL to a White person who scores 1600 on the SAT's. Cheating like this...to promote "diversity" on college campuses...this is now a law. I think we should just pay dumb brown people to walk around on college campuses--there's your diversity. Did you know that 62% of minorities flunk out of college before their first year is complete? I LOVE this story--it proves beyond any doubt that we White people have to destroy our own values to accomodate the rest of the world. You're welcome.
#2 and a half: (Usually a cutesy news item, a lighter side, or something...) There is talk, again, of the "mystery" 10th planet flying by us and messing everything up before the end of July.
Overnight Guy's Comment: So I've been living (the heck) out of every single day--trying to make it count. I'm pretty sure that the aliens will keep me around for entertainment value--I KNOW that I would, if I was one of the aliens (dudes, we gotta keep that crazy "W C" guy around).
#3 (from the football team that absolutely cannot get any worse; hang on a second here...) The Arizona Cardinals; second-string fullback and special teams player Dennis McKinley, 26, was arrested and is accused of operating a large-scale nationwide marijuana trafficking ring.
Overnight Guy's Comment: So much for his $563,000 salary from last year. I don't know the guy, but damn this is a shame. Here's the logic; D-Mac found a way to purchase pot (in bulk) directly from the smugglers for only $525 a pound, or about half of its Arizona value (a pound here goes for $1000-1200). Back on the east coast you can easily get $2000 a pound. I don't question the guy's business sense--just his common sense.
One more Valley sports nugget: I don't watch baseball anymore, and don't care about those spoiled steroid junkies. But the Diamondbacks just recently rattled off 12 wins in a row, using rookies and renegades INSTEAD of $10 million a year superstars. Yeah, like the regular Expos, or the 2001 Seattle Mariners; that was pretty cool. Rookies and renegades are the only reasons left to watch baseball anyway. And let Roger Clemens pitch in his final All-Star game, just like you let Tony Gwynn and Cal Ripken play in THEIR final All-Star games; this is common sense.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Were we losing in Iraq? Were we fighting in Iraq? What exactly are we doing in Iraq? We're still in Iraq? I can probably find Iraq on a map.
#2 Police in 4 states are accused of molesting boy scouts in their cruisers while on patrol.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Personally, I'd be using MY badge to taste the cookies of some GIRL scouts. If I wanted to molest boy scouts, then I would become a Scoutmaster--like my Scoutmaster did.
#2 and a half: Apparently the US is now going to invade uh, Liberia? Good! It's about time we went and got their uh, what do they have? Oil? Trees? Liberia is still in Africa, right? Africa. What does Africa have that we could possibly want? Do you also get the feeling that Bush is just making shit up as he goes along?
Overnight Guy's Comment: Comment? I don't even understand the story. Maybe I could find Liberia on a map. Naaa, I'm just shitting you. Somebody on the news said it might be in "already volatile Africa", but I don't know where.
#3 (from the desert) Arizona in July; it's hot.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Damn hot.
#1 From the Felcher Report; In Canada, a woman has introduced legislation to ban "dwarf-tossing" in public places. Apparently this woman is made to feel uncomfortable watching large drunk men throw tiny drunk men across rooms in bars.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Notice that the "dwarfs" aren't complaining; it's some woman who's probably never even seen "Jackass". Color me confused. I thought "dwarf-tossing" was when you tried to aim your load into a girl's face from a few feet away--and I agreed with the lady--you know, let's not do that in public. You mean that there are bars in Canada where you can get all shitty, and then "launch" a little person for distance, or accuracy? Damn; that sounds like fun. Road trip to Canada.
#2 National: It is now official that the United States has the largest number of imprisoned lawbreakers. We have the most people in prison. We finally took the title away from Russia. We have over 2 million people in prison. 1 of every 8 Black men are in prison; and 1 of every 63 White men are in prison.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Russia? The same Russia that fell apart 13 years ago; THAT Russia? They had more prisoners than us? Russia hasn't built a new prison in 20 years; they have to let people out of prison because of disease epidemics and over-crowding riots. And who even cares about the 1 in 8 Black men in jail now that the Latinos are bragging about being the largest minority? Russia is messed up. But not as bad as Norway...
#2 and a half: In Norway, the prison population is maxed out at 2900; and there are now 2700 more people waiting for a chance to "go" to prison. Sometimes the "wait" to go to prison can be more than 4 years. And most people do stay and wait for their prison sentences--because they love their country.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Norway, wow (obviously a mainly White society with comparitively little crime and drug-use) now there's a dream: people lined up and WAITING to go to prison--so that those people can HELP their country. We had patriotism like that here in America right up until the 1960's. Here, watch this; I won't be racial--I'll be ethnocentric: How many non-White people would hang around in a place and WAIT to go to prison? Answer: Zero. Nada. Not one. Nobody. That was easy. Next!
#3 (from the outdoor microwave) Nothing yet. Some lady went to a dentist appointment here in Arizona, and somehow "forgot" that her baby was frying in the car after 40 minutes in the dentist's office. But that's just a typical day at the Arizona beach. I want some desert thunder; a mass-execution, or a meth lab blowing up in Scottsdale (I didn't know it was a meth lab, dude). Did we build those 12 water towers for the illegal immigrant criminal terrorists who crawl around on their stomachs in no-man's land? Yes, we did. And the criminals are still dying; awww. What's next; an outdoor "picnic" for the illegals (spoken in Spanish, of course) rewarding them for choosing America as their new urinal and trash can? Okay; this is definitely a comment now. Stop me.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Apparently I already made it. Kiss my ass.
#1 From the Felcher Report; In Canada, a woman has introduced legislation to ban "dwarf-tossing" in public places. Apparently this woman is made to feel uncomfortable watching large drunk men throw tiny drunk men across rooms in bars.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Notice that the "dwarfs" aren't complaining; it's some woman who's probably never even seen "Jackass". Color me confused. I thought "dwarf-tossing" was when you tried to aim your load into a girl's face from a few feet away--and I agreed with the lady--you know, let's not do that in public. You mean that there are bars in Canada where you can get all shitty, and then "launch" a little person for distance, or accuracy? Damn; that sounds like fun. Road trip to Canada.
#2 National: It is now official that the United States has the largest number of imprisoned lawbreakers. We have the most people in prison. We finally took the title away from Russia. We have over 2 million people in prison. 1 of every 8 Black men are in prison; and 1 of every 63 White men are in prison.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Russia? The same Russia that fell apart 13 years ago; THAT Russia? They had more prisoners than us? Russia hasn't built a new prison in 20 years; they have to let people out of prison because of disease epidemics and over-crowding riots. And who even cares about the 1 in 8 Black men in jail now that the Latinos are bragging about being the largest minority? Russia is messed up. But not as bad as Norway...
#2 and a half: In Norway, the prison population is maxed out at 2900; and there are now 2700 more people waiting for a chance to "go" to prison. Sometimes the "wait" to go to prison can be more than 4 years. And most people do stay and wait for their prison sentences--because they love their country.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Norway, wow (obviously a mainly White society with comparitively little crime and drug-use) now there's a dream: people lined up and WAITING to go to prison--so that those people can HELP their country. We had patriotism like that here in America right up until the 1960's. Here, watch this; I won't be racial--I'll be ethnocentric: How many non-White people would hang around in a place and WAIT to go to prison? Answer: Zero. Nada. Not one. Nobody. That was easy. Next!
#3 (from the outdoor microwave) Nothing yet. Some lady went to a dentist appointment here in Arizona, and somehow "forgot" that her baby was frying in the car after 40 minutes in the dentist's office. But that's just a typical day at the Arizona beach. I want some desert thunder; a mass-execution, or a meth lab blowing up in Scottsdale (I didn't know it was a meth lab, dude). Did we build those 12 water towers for the illegal immigrant criminal terrorists who crawl around on their stomachs in no-man's land? Yes, we did. And the criminals are still dying; awww. What's next; an outdoor "picnic" for the illegals (spoken in Spanish, of course) rewarding them for choosing America as their new urinal and trash can? Okay; this is definitely a comment now. Stop me.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Apparently I already made it. Kiss my ass.
Overnight Guy's Comment: And then they tell us to not run the water while we brush our teeth, because water is SERIOUS business; a precious resource. What is the latest "save water" campaign anyway? It might be time for a new one; like "MTBE; we don't use it JUST to kill innocent animals anymore."
#2 Montreal, Canada; Amidst strong criticism from the Bush administration, Canada introduced Federal legislation that removes criminal penalties for possession of less than 15 grams of marijuana. Worries of monstrous, hydroponic-grown Canadian kind bud flooding the U.S. market strikes some very understandable fear into our government.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Yeah, our government makes some good money off the import of Mexican dirt weed. Good Canadian pot, although a much better product, is going to be impossible to "regulate", because (unlike Mexico) the Canadian government does have a clue.
#2 and a half: Marietta, GA (pronounced "May-retta"): Anjail Durriyyah Muhammed, of Gadsden, Alabama, was charged with the felony of aggravated battery for dousing Nodiana Antoine with gasoline and setting her on fire--during an argument at a gas station.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. You never see shit this good on tv news. Look at their names; a Black woman was bitching at a Muslim woman (probably for being a more feared minority), so the Muslim woman sprayed the Black lady with gas and torched her. I love this; women are so cute!
More good national dingleberries; 9 out of 10 drivers admit to risky behavior behind the wheel; cell-talking, eating, speeding, no seat belts (hey look at that; I really AM a better driver than you). And, kiddies, that's it; it's a law! Bush has signed over $15 billion for AIDS research in Africa. Sleep tight!
#3 Arizona; in an attempt to save money, many Arizona prisoners were shipped to a private prison in Texas. It backfired, and wound up costing the state considerably more money than it would have been to just keep them here and work them. Also; Arizona has 4,000 more prisoners than room for them.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Snicker. Back when I was 7; figuring out perpetual motion--and how eating liver was a really bad idea, I once asked my Dad 'why we didn't just have prisoners build more prisons. Doesn't that make sense?' He assured me that 'no politician had ever been elected by promising to build more prisons'. Huh? I figured out right then that when people don't know the answers to easy questions, they just change the subject. Ain't life fun?
Overnight Guy's Comment: But between now and then we should have some really impressive growth in the total number of foreign terrorists here in America. Breathe. Calmly, I ask, calmly, why aren't we cavity-searching every semi-warm body that enters our country?
#2 Southern Arizona Border: American Border Patrol, Civil Homeland Defense, and Ranch Rescue are being accused of using "illegal, unjust, and violent" tactics against illegal immigrants.
Overnight Guy's Comment: What the fuck is this shit; we have "affirmative action" for the potential terrorist/illegal immigrants now? Anybody dumb enough to get caught needs to DIE. Grind them into immigrant burgers and fire up the grill. Damn I'm hungry.
#2 and a half: Kissimmee, FL; Police have gone undercover as homeless people in tattered clothes to catch drivers running red lights. They then radio ahead to patrol cars waiting to issue tickets. Some cops wear fake teeth and push shopping carts; others sit in the median with signs that say "Buckle up; police safety belt sting in progress.". Some consumer groups (read in; dumbasses who were issued tickets) say that the police are making fun of homeless people, and using devious methods to write more tickets.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Whatever the police do, even when it WORKS, it's just not good enough, is it? Hey; some cops come to this website, okay? Let me try to make this really easy for you morons to understand: the word is "undercover". Somewhere between the tv shows "Hill Street Blues" and "X-Files" you should have figured out that not everything is always what it seems. I applaud these policemen; and, if you can "afford" to run a red light, then you can "afford" an $83 ticket for doing it. I haven't had a moving violation since 1987.
#3 Tragedy in Phoenix: A true fluke; 3-month old Autumn White was put down for a nap at 1:30 pm. 30 minutes later, when she was checked on, the baby was covered in ants and was in "severe respiratory distress" (later we find out these were fire ants). The baby died soon after.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Even in very capable hands, sometimes accidents happen. It turns out that other houses in the neighborhood are also being invaded by fire ants. If you have small children or pets, check your residence for any infestation.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Isn't this a sweet revelation? France was determined to surrender to somebody, like always, so they surrendered to the Iraqi officials.
#2 Washington: From Newsweek's investigation (look at all the stuff this guy reads) "Secrets of September 11th"; there is an 800-plus page report about that day which is being withheld from the public. How/Why did the BBC, "Jane's Defense News", and officials in Pakistan and India know months before September 11th of U.S. plans to attack Afghanistan in October of 2001?
Overnight Guy's Comment: I heard about this a few months ago. Let's watch this story die quickly.
#2 and a half: National; According to an online issue of Health Affairs (He reads shit online, too? Wow.), obesity in Americans costs as much as $93 billion in annual medical bills--rivaling the financial toll of smoking-related diseases.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Smokers smoke and die; fat people just keep on eating. Kiss my hairy white nicotine-flavored ass.
More McNuggets for the fat girls: thanks to the war, and declining revenue, this year's federal deficit should exceed $300 billion; the biggest ever. Poor Mexicans pay over $1000 apiece to suffocate in unventilated trucks--or they die in the deserts of Mexico and sue the U.S.; seriously. Republicans; those same guys in power who recently DECLARED WAR (Remember that?), Republicans now want to...wait for it...close more military bases in America (I am NOT making this up). Sleep tight.
#3 (from the state who's state University ranks 5th in the nation for on-campus drug arrests) Graham, Co: 3 decomposed dead babies were found rotting away in a storage unit--after its contents were auctioned sight-unseen for $75.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Modern day treasure hunters sometimes buy the contents of abandoned storage units--hoping for that "trash bag full of $20 bills". This news story is just sick, twisted and disgusting; I love it.
Overnight Guy's Comment: You fucking dipshit/dumbass people. You never once stopped to think about how telemarketers eliminated 95% of all door-to-door salespeople, did you? Well you'll be paying for it now, ha-fucking-ha. Some of these door-knockers knock UNTIL you come and acknowledge them, too. Can you imagine a person knocking on your door for 10 minutes straight? Hanging up the phone doesn't seem NEARLY as inconvenient now, does it? But I'm going to stay with the phone sales. I like being able to ruin your whole day while I sit, roll my eyes, and shoot birds at the computer screen. And even though I don't write down your name, address, and phone number if you piss me off--I know a few who do. Hey this should be a commentary...
#2 National: Unemployment and Spam; In January of 2000, only 16% of all e-mail sent was spam. In March of 2003, 45% of all e-mail sent was spam. The jobless rate has hit an 8-year high of 6% in April, 2003.
Overnight Guy's Comment: From 16% to 45%? My very impressive math skills want you to know that is a 287% increase in spam; thank you. Unemployed? I've been itching to get BACK to work, and now I'm working AND choosing between about 10 other jobs I might take. There is no umemployment crisis here; I'm a busy, busy man.
#2 and a half: National joke; The U.S. is being sued for $42 million by the kin of 14 illegal immigrant criminals who died in the desert--while trying to cheat their way into America. The suit says that water stations would have prevented the deaths. Each of these "victims" had paid a coyote $1400 apiece to be brought here.
Overnight Guy's Comment: And still I can't even get a dime from the chair company who has caused my left leg to start going numb.
#3 (from the city of grandmotherly love) Phoenix, AZ: 45 yr. old grandma, Manyatan A. Caballero was arrested this past Saturday night on at least 5 charges of drugs and child abuse because she stashed methamphetamine in the crib of her 15-month old grandson; 17 grams of it. The baby ingested a good bit of it and became extremely ill; taken quickly to the hospital, the baby boy is alive and slowly recovering.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Stop shaking your head; this is the 2nd time, the SECOND time this year that some dumbass bitch in Arizona has stored meth in a baby's crib--and the baby winds up almost dying. I didn't talk about the first one because I thought it was a fluke, and it makes the baby look kinda dumb. But now we see that this is a TREND; crack women are DARING babies to try drugs at an early age. Where is the "60 Minutes" crew? We need to go ahead and trash these female child-psychologists on tv. Women are so cute; bless their little hearts.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Silently I just sit here and shake my head.
#2 Met Life has to pay between $52 and $90 million, in a judgement to Black policy holders. They are accused of charging higher premiums to Blacks.
Overnight Guy's Comment: If I were defending Met Life, I would simply find research that proves how the life expectancy of a Black person is less than that of a White person; thereby JUSTIFYING charging higher premiums to Blacks. This is not discrimination; this is a logical, factual, documented, unglorified business study. If Black people don't like it, then they can go buy insurance from another company who doesn't do business research. Thank you.
#2 and a half: At age 33, Andre Agassi is the oldest top-ranked tennis player in history.
Overnight Guy's Comment: My favorite tennis player of all time, Andre Agassi, is (obviously) sharp on his game, very intelligent, quick-witted, and still pretty damn cute, too. And if you refer to him as "Mr. Graf" in my presence, I will kick your ass hard.
#3 (from the state with the 4th highest teen pregnancy rate) Arizona; in the past 4 months, from 8 cases, 6 teachers have been arrested on suspicion of sexual misconduct with a minor.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Some of the individual stories seem like complete jokes, but they're all true. I love this state.
Overnight Guy's Comment: The magic of big business.
#2 To rebuild Iraq, contracts have been given to vice-president Dick Cheney's firm, Halliburton, and the Republican-connected Bechtel Group in San Francisco.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Exactly what constitutes a "conflict of interest"? Wait; no this is "insider trading".
#2 and a half: To help you sleep at night; Washington, Bush, the White House: America has a plan to bomb industrial nuke sites in North Korea. And that was published in the newspaper. Wow.
In New York, at lunchtime on April 21, hemp advocates and concerned citizens set up tables with hemp food products and information near—not on—DEA property. “Our goal is to solicit participation from the public and DEA employees in taste tests and to provide a forum to highlight the absurdity of prohibiting hemp foods,” says Eric Steenstra, President of Vote Hemp. The DEA wants to ban hemp foods.
Overnight Guy's Comment: I want hemp foods, hemp clothing and linens, hemp paper, hemp everything. I'm ready for hash oil lip gloss, too.
#3 (from the 2nd highest state total of pedestrian fatalities--tied with Florida) Ray Krone has filed a $100 million, 25-count suit against Maricopa County.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Completely railroaded by the justice system, Ray Krone should get at least $10 million; roughly a million a year for each year of his suffering.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Are airplanes still landing there? This story keeps getting better.
"Who are you--who who, who who?"
Days later; wow, it appears that Vietnam might actually have a clue. I hope that their brilliant idea catches on.
#2 Vienna: The U.S.-led global crackdown on illicit drugs is being called a failure by critics. They call it "the war that America cannot win", and urge a United Nations commission to consider other approaches to the problem. Currently, the strict drug control treaties are undermining efforts to prevent the spread of AIDS because they discourage countries from introducing effective public health measures.
Overnight Guy's Comment: It's just another day in paradise; I'm having an easy week here. No screaming or yelling of any kind. We need some dead children though...
#2 and a half: From the AP newswire--somewhere in Texas: A couple with 3 young children, all under the age of 5, determined that they could no longer afford the kids. And, since the children were all possessed by the devil anyway, this couple killed and decapitated the three children--in an attempt to save their souls.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Possessed? Decapitated? The kiddies heads were stored in the fridge, too. This is like, the easiest week I've ever had.
#3 (from the home city of the game 1, overtime win by the Suns over the Spurs) City of Phoenix is laying off 200 teachers, and Maricopa County is the fastest growing big county in the U.S. And then there's Brigida Montoya; she lives in condemned (Phoenix) public housing that is about to be demolished. She is an unmarried woman with 6 children, and presently pregnant with her 7th. She wants to know who's going to take care of her now.
Overnight Guy's Comment: Ooo, that's a good one; you almost got me riled up with that family story. Brigida needs an attitude adjustment; it starts with getting her tubes tied. No more children. Grumble grumble...yeah, you almost got me.