(...last month we were...)
Reading: Comics! In Mutts, I am "Crabby". In Get Fuzzy, (unfortunately) I am "Bucky Katt". At least once a week I am Earl in Pickles, too...Reader's Digest said back pain costs more than $90 billion per year, and is the #1 cause of missed work...Americans spend $134 billion per year on fast food (yes, MORE than back pain)...
Watching: "Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit." (my new gum)...Episode 270 of Out There TV had gorgeous pictures of European crop circles from 8-15-07; very nice...The 8-8-07 Rescue Me celebrated psychosis very well, maybe a little too well. Comedic timing? I deliver exactly like Lou on Rescue Me. 8-22-07; spouting band names on Rescue Me, and drinking Vitamin Water. 8-29; 4 kinds of Vitamin Water (too much product-placement now)...X-Games guys are nuts--they're like little video game creatures that bleed...Finally saw the 2006 remake of "The Hills Have Eyes" on HBO; it was okay...On Speed I saw a Superbike race on the Laguna Seca track. I know the track from 4 versions of Gran Turismo; it was a spooky familiar thing to watch--with a clever pass in the final turn of the last lap to win!..I watched, live, snowboarder Shaun White (The Flying Tomato) put together the best skateboard run ever--we'll all be watching that for years to come...Countdown: Keith had Joel McHale from E's "The Soup" on Countdown; I believe I had that--thank you. He should do a commentary on The Soup, just to screw with people--he did! I believe I had that, too, thank you! Keith also brings on (PTI guest) Richard Justice to talk baseball. Could Keith O. be a "5 Good Minutes" guest on PTI? Could Keith go cuss on Bill Maher's show? Would Keith consider announcing 1 football game per week; maybe, Sunday nights? Wow; I'm good at this. More Keith; he seemed to get a little upset that "our reality" might only be a computer program. Yawn. Keith should skim the Michael Talbot book "The Holographic Universe" from 1991 (this loosely outlined, interactive "Tron" game in which we exist is not exactly a new idea here). Maybe K O can do some "down" time to let others fly the Countdown rocketship; or, maybe Keith is taking a week off because he doesn't want to talk about Michael Vick (that's what I would do). Countdown substitutes over on real NBC Sunday 8-26-07(?); be there, aloha...
Class Projects: I watched "Man of the Year"; I hate to sack Robin Williams movies, but it only gets a C+. More from Mork; I watched "Insomnia"; oh my gosh. That COULD have been the best movie ever made; but (long, slow, and lacking good explanations) it only gets a "B" from me... C+ also to "Rumor Has It", ehhh...There's a movie called "Hard Candy"; it's supposed to be about old man/teen girl connectivity in internet chat rooms, or something. Catch THIS predator, bitch! As long as there's some blood and screaming--there was, it gets a B...While renting Hard Candy, I found the video version of the book "Fast Food Nation". Well, it's not really the video version, but it was a decent movie; B+ ("The Meatrix" gets an A). My Dad (hey Dad!) said that the movie "Open Water" was good. Apparently my Dad is easily amused, too...1994's "The Chase"; dumbass movie with Charlie Sheen, but it had a good soundtrack.
Watching and Hearing: Tony Hawk's Most Dangerous Videos; now THAT'S quality tv with punk rock videos screaming at you, mutherfucker...Evans Blue on our Sirius Hard Rock music channel; cool...There's also a Classic Blues Sirius station, and it's great! 6074, I think..
Hearing: These new Absolute Garbage mixes are excellent, individually perverted things to be enjoyed alone at home. Or; is that just me?..An instrumental song from my upcoming soundtrack, referenced here often, "Greyhound Part 1" by the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, circa 1995, was mixed by Moby...
New on the radio; Have you heard the Chemical Brothers' "Salmon Dance"; is that incredible?..I finally caught the name of one of the good songs from the last couple of months; "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven...Heard some new Eagles on non-profit radio...96.1 ignited me. They made a talk bed out of Pink Floyd's "On The Run". They're trashing my favorite album, which pisses me off, AND, (in 6 years on the radio) I NEVER thought to do it myself, and that pisses me off even more! I used Trent's "A Warm Place" as my main talk bed, and the end of "Does It Really Happen" off of Yes' Drama as my safety net.
Musical Purchases this month: 8-4-07; my first run to CDWorld in a month. I didn't even ask for an explanation of Absolute Garbage; it's mine. Also found Dag's "Righteous" on the Tom Tucker bargain wall--which is just wrong. I'll go back for new (local) Floater later. Scored this incense; Song of India "India Temple" hand-rolled sticks. Wow. New Dali and Pink Floyd posters also beckon to me. A CDWorld birthday shopping spree with my girlfriend's Discover card would be so nice...She agreed! How lucky am I! On 8-18-07! From my wish list of 5 CD's, we found 3! Today I got "Evil Empire" Rage (finally), accoustic Violent Femmes "Viva Wisconsin", and Joe Satriani's remastered "Surfing With the Alien", circa 1987 (from this month's Terrible Two's Survey). I will order new Rye Hollow (done) and Silver Sweepstakes Knapsack later; We also got ONE Dali poster; the other 2 I want were sold out. My girlfriend rocks!..
Out and About: Bon Jovi and REM at Safeway, Spin Doctors at Dollar Tree, Alanis Morrissette at Safeway; Elton, The Clash and Feetwood Mac at Howling Coyote; while buying Violent Femmes at CDWorld we heard "Blister in the Sun"(!), and the accoustic mix of Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open the Door"; Poco at Fred Meyer; K C and the Sunshine Band and classic Rod Stewart at Wendy's; Depeche Mode and Counting Crows at America's Tire.
Singing: Mike Tracey's version of "Mystery Train", and his new original "I Don't Care", and I mumble his version of "Scratch My Back" while trying to get out of bed in the morning..."Can't You See" by Marshall Tucker, Yes' "Tempus Fugit", Pink Floyd's "San Tropez", Androids "Do it with Madonna", 3 Steely Dan songs, my 3 regular Fig Dish'; "When Shirts Get Tight", "Quiet Storm King", "Pretty Never Hurts", Zebra "Tell Me What You Want", Depeche Mode's "Dream On", Dishwalla's version of "It's Going To Take Some Time",
What I want today: Today is the 18th, and I am without a vehicle. I WANT to be reunited with my Silver Love Chariot. Gus would get good work; $300 worth of repairs became less than $200; yay...Then there would be tires...
New stuff this month or so: Just found out that my Safeway will be closing in the first week of September; great. So we'll do more at Bi-Mart and Fred Meyer ("Kroger") has cans of spicey hot V-8...The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation is asking me for money again. Their envelope says "The loss of one's child, at any age, is unbearable." A good way to avoid this would be to NOT FUCKING HAVE ANY CHILDREN, YOU IDIOTS!..Remember how upset I was that my new Crater Lake coffee mug was made in China? I looked at all of our coffee mugs; EVERY FUCKING ONE of them was made in China. I don't even know what to say anymore...The Jackalope Lounge downtown has Elvis pinball--need to go check that out (my FCP insists that I go play it, and do a full report)...Mike Tracey won the Northwest Harmonica Championship, so it's not just ME who thinks he's good...Lunar Eclipse Monday night 8-27; nice...There was an Alien convention, with over 18,000 intelligent life forms. Cat people and middle earth lizards; ha. Do you still think humans are "special"?..
This Month at the Dollar Tree: A bottle of Sere fire-roasted red peppers, more jalapeno cheese, and jalapeno chips. More Cajun hot sauce, too. I'm big on the burn right now. Dancing in the aisles at Dollar Tree.
Occupational Hazards: So many things...I finally rigged my work-messaging system so that under my name it states: "Does not play well with others"; stay tuned for the backlash. Backlashed; they didn't like it, awww. So then it became choice #2; "Out Of Order"...Our hold music that until last week bragged of things coming up in June, 2006, NOW brags of awards we won in February 2006; so, we're moving, uh, backwards in time?..One of my female co-workers uses TWO bags of coffee per brewed pot--we like that, even though nobody else does...2 of my other female teammates called me over to tell me they were admiring my butt while I was stomping around, all pissed off, one day...One of my other female teammates is a bigger Meatloaf fan than I am (she's seen him perform 3 times), and she gets better Flexerill than I can. The world needs more co-workers like mine! I went on a real, live BBQ lunch date with the Meatloaf girl. I forgot to grab her leg under the table; damn...I am now know as 'the guy who talks to the computers'. Nice...An upset guest filed a report against me; look at me quivering. I cannot fucking wait to monitor one of my own bad phone calls with big wigs, get fired, and then say 'What took you idiots so long?'. Wow; talk about seeing into the future. I cracked up my own Supervisor (and myself) with a great attitude problem from 1 bad phone call; yeah, monitor this!..I still have issues with all busy work; boo...My ex-at work girlfriend, who broke up with me back in July, is now being all nice to me again. Women are stupid...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: The 5th (and final) belt loop is no longer holding stuff up; I will need a smaller black belt. And that's good, right?...Broke my sunglasses on my birthday; aww...My favorite Vitamin Water is the XXX blueberry pomegranate; now you know...My life is completely unnecessary; there is nothing for me to do that cannot be done, nobody needs me, and I don't need to be here. There COULD be some depression in concluding that one's existence has no order. But I'm not depressed. Somebody, somewhere, woke my soul up and said 'Hey dude, you should go down to earth and wander.' And rather than shoot that alien a bird, and go back to sleep, like I SHOULD have done--I actually came down here to wander. Next time, I WILL go back to sleep. WTF was I thinking?..Motivation, Ambition, Goals, Wants, etc. I guess I AM due for a commentary on that stuff. Perhaps I should do an update on "Credit", too...Maybe I will get drunk on my birthday and yell alot at Blues Jam #33; we'll see...I'm wearing my broken watch--so it's permanently 8:15...I weighed 194.7 after a workout? No wonder I need a new belt!..8-11-07; I heard the music, saw the lights, and sensed the presence. But I'm still here--so what good did it do?..Many revelations; moths make tons of noise, Chiropractic Cold Packs work in the lunch bag...I was right all along--about so many different things; it tires me...Speaking of tires; Gus got some good work, and has 2 new shoes...8-29; Fully dressed, full pockets, and with the heaviest shoes I own, I weighed 198.7; that is obnoxiously skinny, 193(?) naked, and the least I've weighed since the 1980's...New left front hip pain sucks; thank you...Pain relief; looking at the full moon through the screen of the bong...
New foods this month: It could be you; maybe I'll bar-b-que you this month. Maybe I'm just hungry; now bend over...First I created the Baby Carrot Frisbee rice pot--which was good. Then came: Buttery Shredded Carrot Rice, and Summer Salad for 2, with spinach leaves for lettuce--I design artistic for Friday dinners...I found (and love) Banana Nut Bread Clif bars! I will eat them alone because my girl doesn't like bananas...From work, cool co-worker brought in a sack of plums, so now they are MY plums. This same coworker also brought zuchinni for everybody, and I did a successful 1st round of fried "z" with Santitas chips...Tried out the China Sun buffet at the mall; ehhh at best...
This month at Blues Jam: 8-2-07; my 32nd Blues Jam. Outside again. I walked with 5 different people. Horn Jeff showed up again, finally, and did battle beside Mike Tracey. The new blues guitarist Josh is great--and that forced Wolfgang to be even better. After the cab ride home, I passed out fully dressed on the bathroom floor. Woke up with floor tile face at 7:30 am. Go me!..I warned 'em all about my Blues Jam Birthday Bash next week...Birthday Blues Jam #33 for me, 8-9-07; it may require it's own commentary. Bathroom Chrissy, Misdemeanor Sandy, and Mouthpuke Mystery shots. No Wolfgang; I'll cuss him out later. Mike Tracey had a gig downtown, but STILL came by to sing my 3 songs for me (very cool); Val sang The Thrill is Gone TO me, sweet! Jeff showed, so that was "Where It's At", I strummed Ricky's guitar, helped Jeff play his trumpet, took tons of pictures, and somehow made it all the wee wee wee home to pass out IN the downstairs dungeon bathroom floor again. Girlfriend is pissed...Then we have 8-16-07; Blues Jam #34 for me. I rode on a tow truck to the bar at 3 pm--6 hours early. It wound up being over 10 hours at the bar for me; woo. Showed everybody pictures from 2 weeks ago; gave some to Mike T. and Wolfgang. Got Wolfgang's regular e-mail, too. Mike played all 3 of my songs, and a new one, Hand to Mouth. It was tons of fun, and I cabbed home to eat cold Cozmic Pizza at 2 am. Then I passed out IN the bathroom floor again. Wheee...8-23-07; Jam #35 for me. Wolfgang drops the bomb that he's leaving town in 2 weeks. Bummer. Strange gorgeous women shared gardening wealth with us; nice. I got to take many musicians on many walks--I like to do that. It was quite the jam, and there may be 1 more Camp Creek Wolfgang party on 8-31...8-30-07; Wolfgang's final Blues Jam. Wolfgang's wife met Static Girl early. What a show! I actually stayed coherent for the adventure. Wolfgang jumped out and played right in front of me 3 different times. Jeff showed up later and was the trumpet master again. JP was back, but Mike was gone--that's what happens when you're the NW harmonica champion. Wolf promises to trade e-mails with me while he takes over Europe, and he expects me to show back up and yell for him when he returns. I will.
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: New revelations are scaring the crap out of me. What if we humans are the Rat Virus of intelligent beings; what if earth is known as a rogue planet with ELE's every 30K years? As I determined that my own life was unnecessary this month, what if ALL human life on earth is completely unnecessary? What if this whole human/earth catastrophe was all just an unfortunate occurence? What if we are merely Big Weeds that grew from Broken Seeds? What if the Aliens do an occaisional drive-by of earth, look out the window and say (short version) 'Oh no; the monkeys have taken over planet Earth!' (or, the long version) 'Remember those messed up little 2-Legged Rats we made by crossing us with the earth primates? Yeah; well those cranked-up earth primates TOOK OVER the planet, and they're trashing everything.' God doesn't really fit in to this equation. But evolution does. Weird. Hey; I still WANT to believe in God, AND Aliens, AND evoluiton. It's not my fault that all 3 cannot play together. It ain't me playing God while ignoring all this stupidity everyday; show us some wrath, Big Guy.
What's different here than in college town: Oregon Art Beat/Oregon Field Guide. On PBS, every week they do a 30 minute show on each. Sometimes the art is music, or local artists/obscure art festivals; all kinds of neat stuff. The Field Guide takes you on short tours of great places up here--so you can see if it's something you want to go check out yourself!..Similar to college town: Dollar General was my store of the 90's. Got a liter of DG mouthwash at the Cash King here...Morgellons Syndrome is most prevalent in the Bay area of CA. Google Morgellons, bitch...I found the Kiva store downtown; nice...A rich couple donated $100 million to the University Athletic Program; why am I still paying rent, bills, and taxes?..Dave O fell and cracked open his skull; there weren't even drugs involved this time...Congrads to Dalton Carriker and all the Warner Robins kids on winning the Little League World Series...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: These local convenience stores; Dari-Mart, are not corporate. They are all locally owned and operated here in Oregon, so I will buy my American Spirits there now...Lane County Fair mid-month! Many Blues Jams; I can go Saturday the 18th (until my ride temporarily died, poor Gus)...Diseases! Phoenix already had killer bees before we left; yawn. During my birthday week 2007, a dead bird in town here had the West Nile virus...Beer! The excellent Deschutes brewery does a Summer Twilight Ale that is very tasty. This beer actually tastes like dusk!..There's a Stop + Shop convenience store nearby that boasts of having 200 different kinds of beer; that's like a challenge, right?..Phoenix; 2005, police announced that 41,000 cars were stolen in Phoenix, to be resold in Mexico. That's a car stolen every 10 minutes; wow. The AZ police also say that illegal immigrants account for 80% of the total crime in the Phoenix area; 80% of the total crime. "But the Mexicans come here for jobs." Yeah; job on this, mutherfucker. "Jobs". Isn't this funny?..
Life with Static Girl: She broke my box fan; boo. So, in retaliation, I went and bought another one. No big deal...I requested some new (non-slip) fishies in the bathtub, so she added a few and made more art out of them! More from the tub; I don't have a choice--I must shower fairly soon after waking up on most days, all because of my back issues. So I am a morning shower person. To eliminate any friction, for 7 years my girlfriend has "adjusted" to afternoon and evening showers--and she has never complained once! My girlfriend!..Every couple of weeks (3 times in August!) she washes her little cotton panties. They all get to sunbathe atop her drying rack. I go down there and talk smack to all of them--especially my 5 favorite pairs. I sing, wink, point, nod, smile, and oh, never mind...Cozmic Pizza Girlfriend (she bought 2) for my birthday, and we double-tipped the very sweet delivery girl...She won't throw things away! She doesn't want to add to the earth's trash, which is sweet, but there're piles of broken shit everywhere...In it's purest form, with the first breath of air since the last day in the factory, and to be enjoyed directly: Now I understand her obsession with drinking Coke straight from the can!..After reading to her my mess last month about not getting to try the new ramen, she left out a package of it for me; the spiciest variety--because she knows that's what I like! I mixed in jalapeno chips, too--loved the new Miso stuff!..She leaves ME notes thanking me, and calling ME awesome. Wow!..I will use her buns like bongo drums, and pat my favorite song. Oh; I went there. Yes I did...She left me another note that said "I'm glad that I have you."; sweet...I freaked out and had to organize the kitchen pantry; but I can't even get IN to the back of the pantry. She, however, is very able to do the skinny sliver into the back of the pantry--so it's all hers now...I say: 80% of the time she's crazy about me--20% of the time she wishes I would go away. She agrees, but says to switch the 80/20. Hmpf...
My FCP has this for me: She's great! Breaking hearts and building her Christian Biker Chick resume. Rally Queen, baby. She sends me pictures, and smooches. She still loves me!..Yes, she still loves me. And my gorgeous, yummy, hot babe of a biker chick, #1 fan reciprocated sometimes needs to be reminded that she is ALL of these sexy, descriptive terms, and more! She deserves to be crushed on, worshipped, and dare I say "praised" like I do my girlfriend. My FCP has earned the right to be ruined. (A really smart woman would clone me, and quick!)
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: So; we can prove intelligent life was here on this planet Earth 2.8 billion years ago, and working with tools. Sure. But were they human? Continuing, sort of: Remember that genome term "Junk DNA"? I sure do. Well, (never was, is not now, and will never be) there is NO "junk" in DNA, you clueless sheep. The areas of the strand in question actually are proof of the alien/caveman hybrids we are--but nobody wants to discount religious imagery. Shhh; pretend like you knew this all along--God would want you to keep on playing even if you knew the game were rigged...Even though everything from China is made to sabotage the US; the coming Superhighways will bring us cheap Chinese trinkets, and probably more coffee mugs!..40K mortgage jobs are gone because, well, mortgages are gone. Repossess this, mutherfucker!..The St. Paul Saints sports team gave away Michael Vick Chew Toys for dogs; nice...Get this; you think parents are smart, and kids are good, and life is fair? Fuck you. Vinyl baby bibs sold at Toys-R-Us, bibs with Disney's Winnie the fucking Pooh on them, Disney Bibs, are filled with lead. LEAD! Why would you put lead in a baby bib? Well, babies need more lead, don't they? I know; let's put LEAD in baby bibs--I'm a genius...There's a family of "Duggars" somewhere, and they have 17 children. This has been the hot 'letters to the editor' topic here for a month. Quick note to the letter-writers (about the Duggars, and strippers everywhere); breeding is not illegal. Yet...
A thought to take with you: Life is pretty damn short. Comfort is often a good thing, and 'comfort zones' are familiar and warm. But comfort zones are neither passionate nor energizing.
"In a world full of people, only some want to fly. Isn't that crazy?"--Seal
I've been cute and dumb for months now, so it's time for another good Aristotle quote: "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
"You know what would have been a smart thing to do in these developing countries that need electricity? To have tried large-scale experiments with alternative energy sources; solar, wind, geothermal, etc. We could have tested and tried to perfect these technologies on a large scale in places that need it. That would have been smart. That's why we didn't do it."--George Carlin
Band names: I completed my poem with like, a dozen band names. 14? Maybe 14. Floor Tile Face (8-3-07), "Black Rage Issues" (Rescue Me), "Elbow Skin" (a direct naming on Rescue Me), "Retarded Religion" and "Laughable Theory" (Bill Maher's "The Decider"), "Garlic Diarrhea" (Bob Saget's "That Ain't Right"), Screaming Front Row Drunks and Mouthpuke (Birthday), 2 Day Hangover (after my birthday), Cheap Chinese Trinkets, Zucchini Breakfast, Vick Chew Toys, Leaded Disney Bibs,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: Music reviews in the Weekly here (Against Me!).
Watching: There's going to be a new Bionic Woman on tv; okay, why?..Tennis! There's this guy; Novak Djokovic, he's the best tennis player to come around in years. He's funny, talented, does impersonations of other tennis players, and the crowds love him. Watch this guy!..K O is so good on Countdown that I just--shit, I keep forgetting to record Sunday night football with him on it. Keith should have a contest to guest-host Countdown one night. Did you hear him throw to commercial with obscure Rush?. So we recorded the Patriots/Chargers game; commercial throws with Marrs, Joan Jett and Boston--nice (But I didn't see no Keith; wait, did he have surgery? Get well, K. O.! Aloha!)...The Bones Dr. lady, is that Emily Deschanel? She's good; a vegan, animal lover--you know, save the seals, and shit. Bring us some new Bones, bitch!..Dish woke me up with a phone call to offer me Showtime free for 3 months; which I wanted to do, because Marie Louise Parker wants me (Weeds). Mary? Yeah; she wants me--even though I'm not totally sure what her first name is...The "Blink" episode of Dr. Who was as entertaining as anything else on tv; it was as good as "Gridlock"; Dr. Who rules--and was referenced in Family Guy #101...God Bless football; I have 2 things to say. Yes; my Patriots look incredible again, and for the 4th time in 6 years I am predicting they will go undefeated. Of course they will NOT go undefeated; no team ever will again. But it's funny that Cris Carter, Dan Marino, TK from PTI (and many others) agree that THESE 2007 Patriots have ZERO weaknesses, AND a motivated Randy Moss. Ha! The other thing I want to say about football is: Steve Smith (Panthers). He got away from 6 defenders who had him stopped, dead, twice, and then flew another 60 yards for the best touchdown run I've seen this Century...I am much more like The Soup's Joel Mchale than I ever realized! And Joel likes Seth Green--Robot Chicken. (with a nice segue into) While scouting for Robot Chicken on TOON, I saw some anime. It looked like an Asian teenage girl (Hello!), so I focused (duh). She said "I'm going to cut you into little pieces.". Wow; so "Inuyasha" channels Pink Floyd lyrics--I may have to go back and get a little more of that--maybe she could channel some Pink for me (a quadruple pun--thank you)...
Class Projects: I watched "Inside Deep Throat" because I'm a guy. Girls should act more like Linda Lovelace; that's what I'm saying...It's about time to watch "Airplane" again; stay tuned..."When Stand-Up Stood Out"; the Boston comedy scene in the early 80's; nice...Earth vs. The Spider; ha. Death of the Supermodels, and Farce of the Penguins; ha. Re-watched "Die Hard", and "Devil's Rejects", too.
Watching and Hearing: I heard "Tarantula" slide into "Bulls on Parade" on the Sirius; I would do shit like that on the radio now, but of course THAT'S not going to happen....David Gilmour did some satellite premier of his new 85-minute DVD "Remember That Night--Live at the Royal Albert Hall". It was at a theater fairly close, but I found out about it a day late; boo...On Showtime, I caught Neil Young's "Heart of Gold"; very nice...See; this 'watching and hearing' shit used to be all about the music used in tv commercials. But tv commercials are so pathetic, and getting worse. So I outgrew the idiocy of nailing and naming down ad songs--and soft music in the background of tv shows, because it's just dumb. Then I saw the new Honda commercial with classic ELO in it, and I smiled big...Another car ad had Stevie Ray in it, and I don't approve...You've seen Queen in the AT+T commercial by now, right?
Hearing: I heard a Simon and Garfunkel-ish version of (what we know as Lynyrd Skynyrd's version of) "The Breeze", and it was excellent...Didn't I mention last month, or 2 month's back, that new song 'Think I'm in love but it makes me kinda nervous to say so.' It's Beck, but it sounds like every Jeff Lynne (ELO) song ever made--I LOVE it (duh)! And if Beck is channeling Jeff Lynne, well that's just fine with us. I've been on a Garbage tear; Bleed Like Me, Beautiful, new Absolute, those mixes, and my many other mixes of Crystal Method/Garbage (yum yum; thanks FCP!)...Pumpkins and Stabbing Westward get me through...I read about Fla. punk band Against Me!. Butch Vig produced this 2007 CD "New Wave". Their song "Thrash Unreal" 'deals with the substance abuse and tension often associated with working minimum wage jobs and seeking a release via partying.' Hmmm; my existence is Thrash Unreal...Barkeep DJ played Helmet I don't have, and some other band: Fingertight, was very good...
New on the radio; New Foo on the way to work? Nice; Texas loves Foo Fighters, too...Did I hear new Mark Knopfler? The CDWorld sign brags of more new Ministry; I am way behind. Is the new Eagles called "Long Road"; that's the best they could do? A better name would have been "Frozen Botoxed Zombies with hair extensions"; they could have called their tour 'Hey, at least we're not REO Speedwagon'. Speaking of zombies...
Musical Purchases this month: I will see his movie, and I will also buy the Rob Zombie soundtrack to his new version of "Halloween"...Bought the Against Me! CD.
Out and About: I used to pay attention, but now I'm too paranoid. Country music at the Big B Tire place (Gus has 4 good shoes now). Wings at Dollar Tree. Richard Marx and Styx at Albertson's. Chicago and Roxy Music at Fred Meyer. I'm still paranoid, though.
Singing: Singing should always lead off with a handful of Blues Jam songs; these are the songs I sing the most: "Scratch My Back" and "I Don't Care" by Mike Tracey; and "Speaker Monkey" by Z Bass. If I sing Wolfgang songs, and Downtrodden shit that nobody else has, am I out to lunch? Does anybody outside of Georgia know any Five Eight songs? "At The Foot Of The Hill"--Wolfgang Rehmert, "No Other Way"--Downtrodden, "Shut Me Off"--Five Eight (all of you can kiss my ass); "Running With The Pack"--Bad Company, "Nobody Home"--Pink Floyd, "Time Warp"--Rocky Horror, "Mr. Blue Sky"--ELO, "Fame"--Bowie, "Machine Head"--Bush, "In The Meantime"--Spacehog, "Voices"--Russ Ballard, "Twilight"--U2,
What I want today: Today I want the cleansing to begin.
New stuff this month or so: The Weekly World News is shutting down; booo. I lived for the "bat boy" and Bigfoot stories...Game Fuel? That's not my regular Code Red Mountain Dew dressed up like Halo3 and other dumbass movies; it's a different type of Code Red with Live Wire coloring, and some citrus spice. And it's fine--a nice caffeine cross-train, but don't pretend like a static combo meal is some brand new thing. Now we're going to need a new Kevin Smith movie to be the anti-product-placement thing. Get on that, Kev. Kevin Smith and Seth Macfarlane are going to come hang with me for a week, and then go make a movie; yes, it IS a great idea. Thank you...A child's plastic toy grenade caused quite the stir in the Miami water port; what kind of parent lets its kid play with war toys anymore? Are you fucking kidding me? Here; take a toy machine gun to the grocery, too, and a plastic knife to the bank...The purple teletubbie is gay? Is that Tinkie Winkie? Wait; I don't even remember there BEING any sex in that city. Actually, it was more like a meadow. Maybe Gay Teletubbie Sex will come to DVD...
This Month at the Dollar Tree: I need to go. Chocolate and Cheese (thanks Ween)...
Occupational Hazards: Problems; we had a smog/smell/scent of Christmas Tree problem near our section at work one morning. Rather than TELL me about this happening, the finders were filing blame against me. Me, and the smell of pot? Sure, I understand--I would blame me, too! But; at work? Ethics is coming to visit; we should be peeing in a cup this month. Ha. It made me so nervous that I spilled coffee on myself 3 times one day. Almost peed in my coffee mug. "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue."...There was a big company meeting, with a film, and the intro song was good obscure Queen--I was impressed...All the people on my team are scampering for any chance to work overtime. I just don't get it--Hippie Chick doesn't get it, either. We barely come to work when we're supposed to...We had a company function picnic, with food, games and a live DJ. Bring the kids! The DJ played some questionable songs, like the strip-club grind "Shake That Ass For Me". At least the magician was great!..Remember our blind lady at work, with the seeing eye dog? Yes; the one who still drives her car to work--legally blind, and she parks in the handicapped spots. Right. So, you also may find fascinating (I do) that she reads books with very small type. I'm talking SMALL type; type that gives people headaches, the main reason I don't read stupid fucking books. Driving, reading books with small type, and legally blind--with a cool dog companion; I think I've found my new handicap. I wonder if blind lady plays pinball and gets free glaucoma pot, too. I could be a blind lady--call it a new goal!..Hippie Chick at work has turned us on to pears and corn grown in her garden. The best ever!..One morning (9-12) I screwed up first thing, which got it out of the way early; and it improved my mood. It was like spilling coffee all over your shirt early--now we can just get on with the day. I wound up having a really good day, and wrote out some poetic rough drafts. The 4 ideas became 2 poems for my girlfriend that you will never see. Ha!..I got some verbal counseling for my attendance issues; look at the concern on my face...Doing doughnuts around a cop car; wish I had a supervisor like that...Security stole, and then destroyed my big, double-cup coffee mug. Those fuckers; now I really am drinking 8 cups of coffee per day...Co-worker with the coolest nickname: "3XD".
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Is this the longest Sidebar ever? I've got post-it pads everywhere; work, tv, kitchen, room, Gus. Let's fucking write already!..Went to the Jackalope and played Elvis pinball--it's great (won a game on my first game played, even with a broken right flipper). They also have an Attack From Mars game that I put 9 billion on (score #2). So I called down there on 9-7-07 to see if Elvis pinball had flipper-work done yet. It has NOT been worked on--it has been replaced by Pirates of the Caribbean pinball, which is only 1 year old, and I now have much, much work to do. 9-8-07--that was easy; 116 million on my first day. On the other game, Attack From Mars, my old score is now 12 billion (yay), but now it's score #3 (boo). I bet shit like this happens to everybody. At this Jackalope Lounge, barkeeps Desy and Kelly both want me (of course they do). And my theme for this Eugene Celebration Day of 9-8-07 was "Public Urination"...Sliced my thumb open (left), and the right thumb got jealous; so I ripped, dug, and cut the cuticle off of it to make it bleed. That seemed to satisfy the left thumb. Yeah; earrings are for pussies. If you want to make a statement, then slice up your own artistic vehicles (...come on baby, can you bleed like me?..)...After a shower; a large chunk of brown shit fell out of my right ear. It was marble-sized; no smell, kind of mushy--it looked like meat. I flushed it; sure, I bet shit like this happens to everybody...I started masturbating to the new Pumpkins CD; tracks 5, 6, and 7. Do your own research, bitch...Make it a cold line of work: strippers should be fixed! No fucking children. That was easy; "Historectify"...Carrots get brown and gooey, but I still eat them. Carrots don't go bad, right?..9-15-07; more pinball at Jackalope. My new Pirates high score is 161 million. I left 5 games on it, and left 2 more on Attack From Mars pinball. I am still the best pinball player you know. Yes; and barkeeps Laurel and Amy both want me...Tuesday 9-18-07; too sick to work, but not to play pinball: 13 bil Attack From Mars, and a 148 mil Pirates; drank my new brew Anderson's Summer Solstice--wait, that's food. Barkeep Amy still wants me...Have you ever peed in the bong? Bong Piss? That is absolutely disgusting; disturbing even. Um, I'll be back in a few minutes...What does it mean when I type stuff out, look at it, say "hmmmm", and then 10 seconds later it's gone? Am I just supposed to retype it and say "hmmmm" again? Is it a "do over"? Are they dropping messages on me? I have questions...My body is trying to get sick; I'm coughing up oatmeal. It's kind of fun, but I haven't eaten oatmeal in years...I need to anticipate the greed and stupidity of others; In real life I should act more like I do on this fucking webpage. I need a flame-thrower, and a taser...What would be so wrong with just killing all the homeless, hungry, poor and stupid people? I mean; do they benefit us at all? Obviously; common sense has left the building...Mutts! Like the comic strip, I got bonked in the head by an acorn...9-22; more Jackalope pinball. I stayed 3 hours too late, watched UGA beat 'Bama in overtime, and came home with a bit lip--probably by one of the many bartenders (and waitress Gay) there who want me...Tues. 9-25, enabled; pinball at Blues Jam bar; finally got the grand champ score on their warped Nascar pinball--168 mil...It is up to me to open the channels for creative thought; Mohammed and the mountain, baby. "I see sparks and flashes; warps and strings, slow-motion trails, and swirly colored things.". Anybody can handle with care; I want to fondle with flair! And before I can fondle you, I will need to practice with some more Smashing Pumpkins...Not just acorns from the sky, I got nailed in the face with bird shit, too...
New foods this month: Vegan BBQ Riblets, and Fakin Bacon! (well, when I find it)...Finally got to go to the Big Produce stand out here on the westside; lemon cucumbers, today's tomatos, and blackberries, yum!..Only a matter of time; I found the local huge Hazelnuts, and they are excellent! 8th Continent soy milk is still crap, but at least we tried it again...Beer is food; so the Henry Weinhard Summer Wheat counts as yummy Oregon food; I still like the Deschutes Twilight, too...Girlfriend gets these chunks of bread from her co-workers. Here at the house, we create our own forms of microwaved garlic bread. Mine has extra garlic, and pepperjack cheese. On weekends I can eat it twice per day; yum...Hello Vegans? Hi; I'm dating one of you right now--and yes, you people are nuts. Just wanted to mention 2 things that would solidify your cause; an adequate cheese substitute, and some soy milk chocolate. These are MY ideas, yes, but I no longer give a shit about getting paid for them. Make these happen, you skinny fools!..From the cool produce stand we have Blue Lake Green Beans! They are delicious; 6 ft. tall Produce Stand Goddess Ariel showed me how to cook them!..New food? Blue Moon Ale unfiltered is what I drink at my new pinball bar; it's packed with alcohol and calories. Newer food; Blue Moon fucking kills me, so I've dropped down to Anderson's Summer Solstice brew at Jackalope. Yum...Peanut Toffee Buzz Clif Bars; my new favorite--without a doubt...Inspired by her cooking tofu squares, I made another crock pot of beans; yay me...Brush Fire Summer Ale; it's done by the Fire Station 5 Brewing Co. (drink it while watching Rescue me)...What we fucking need is some "vegan grease" for the fake fucking sausage shit. THERE'S a whole commentary in one sentence. More? What; I tried these new Gardenburger fake chicken patties--they fucking taste like hand lotion. Wow; now I miss the old cardboard taste--it's like they're not even trying sometimes. One other kind of fake burger was sort of salt-flavored. That's all I could taste. Seriously; it was like eating a nosebleed. Pray for these new Morningstar sausage link-looking fuckers I found. There are also these other little sausage patties, and they are slightly above average (yay). I may become a Vegan Bully; wtf are you lookin' at?
This month at Blues Jam: My first 3 Blues Jams were in December 2006. Then I enjoyed Blues Jams with Wolfgang for more than 6 months; I will now go see (NW Champ) Mike Tracey play harmonica more often; maybe I'll go see Jeff blow his trumpet in other bars; and, maybe I'll make friends with a new Guitar Hero. But it will be tough to follow Wolfgang. And I may rename Blues Jams as "Thursday Night Throw-Downs"; you know, to give it a little Georgia edge...On 9-6-07, my Jam #37, more outside, I got to talk to Mike Tracey for like, 30 minutes. He told me how to find his MySpace page. Horn Jeff said I am the "Norm Peterson" of the bar, and he challenged me to pinball (good luck, Jeff). I barely remember anything late--it must have been great; the cab didn't come for me until 3 am...On 9-13-07, Blues Jam 38 for me, indoors, guitar wizard Jerry Z came back (cool). 7 fucking guitar players; Hell Yes! Guitar Vince says I am the mascot of Blues Jam. Drunk? Horn Jeff brought us a new sax player, too; "Dave", I think. Some guy named Sam plays the guitar like a piano--layed out on his lap like a dobro, using all 10 of his fingers. He is apparently a local legend--I will learn more; I yelled loud for him. I called "I Don't Care" "I Don't Know" (oops), but Mike played it anyway. Z Bass and I talked a couple of times; he says that my "Drunk Mascot" influence helped him write a new song, and that's fucking great!..9-21-07, I drove past a free rib buffet at the neighborhood nudey bar, and missed my new favorite punk band Against Me!'s show at the WoW Hall to go yell inside--Jam #39 for me. A new wizard guitar player, R J was there; Z Bass and MT both said that I would be impressed with R J--they were right! Z's new song that I inspired is called "Good Good Music"; a little slower, and excellent. I ate dinner with harp champ MT, and later demanded his e-mail. He is amused by me. MT played "Blind, Crippled and Crazy", which had a little of his masterful scat; very nice. Horn Boy Jeff trumpeted his usual brilliance. Daytime worker at the bar, Trey, also tore up on a gorgeous cobalt blue guitar. Mark the Harp said that we should make a bar collage out of all my pictures--that could happen. Maybe I got really drunk; I fucking love Blues Jam. Speaker Monkey, yes, but no Scratch My Back...Blues Jam #40 was 9-27-07, inside again. I got individual #4-hole draw, note-bending instruction from MT himself, which could have been the highlight of the whole night--but was not. I heard ALL of my songs, (but) set 4 was completely for me--alone in the bar. When 7 talented musicians play an entire set for YOU, alone, in YOUR bar, then you can claim to be the man. But right now; I AM THE MAN...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is furious at me for contemplating crazy conspiracy shit, like that earth is a rogue planet, and we're all a big bad accident. I think God is scared that I stumbled in to enlightenment. Hey; I either get punished, or I don't. Fuck this place either way. Sorry God...If this little planet were so damn important, then we would not have the ability to trash it as we have--somebody would have stopped us. We should shoot a trash barge out into space as our way of saying "Look at how cool we are!"...
What's different here than in college town: Local company "Toby"; must find out more about them...The U of O Duck mascot beat the crap out of the Houston Cougar mascot, and now our mascot is in trouble. Cool. But UGA never choked any Gators or Tigers; heck, the worst thing I ever saw UGA do was knock over my Mountain Dew when I was MC-ing a Walktoberfest back in 1995--and later he apologized to me!..Oregon has a Siltcoos area, the largest coastal lake; boats, skiers, fishing, etc. But not right now; why? Thank the huge Toxic Algae Bubble. No water usage of ANY kind--until further notice. Dead in the water; dead on the water; dead water; I'll stop now...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Market of Choice fabric shopping bags--a good idea...Starting 9-14-07, you can see your breath at night! (Last year it happened first on 9-22-06) Seasons change, and so do I...The R Harvest Farms Produce Stand is where I'm getting most of my produce now; it's not the Crooked Sky, but it's good...
Life with Static Girl: My girlfriend is like sweet, staining blackberries--Blackberry Girlfriend; I want to get her all over me. She just rolls her eyes...She is brilliant, and can easily trick me into cleaning things--which I don't really mind. And then she claims I am too neat and tidy--mixed signals!..My girlfriend has internal and external demons constantly in motion; I am lucky to just be a part of her world...I came home and smelled cornbread. Went to the kitchen, and it was actually chocolate cake she had baked for her work. So I (of course) called it "Chocolate Cornbread", and there would be none left for me (her work ate it all)...Call me displayful: I overreact; I am an emotionally charged person. She does not react; she is an emotionally unavailabe person. Opposites attract, and get along amazingly well. I actually don't need for a woman to be emotionally available; what I need is a woman who can shut the Hell up, and keep herself entertained when I'm having one of my frequent episodes. Thank you...With most all exercise, she would rather just get the activity completed--and speak of it in the past tense. She has no desire to see (or be) any part of sweating. For example; maybe I can get her to walk with me for 10 minutes, but she's not going to throw frisbee...Friday 9-14-07 was an excellent night. All our Fridays are pretty good, yes, but this one also had a poetry reading. I had to go back to basics; 10 years with 1 woman is a long damn time. Hey; I cook, clean--do all service for my woman proudly, write for her, and brag about her to strangers. What does your man do for you?..Sometimes I get really lucky, and wake up at 5:30 am. I cook breakfast for Tegan, and hand-feed her while Static Girl watches. Then I get to hug, kiss, and fondle my girlfriend's softest skin in the universe while she smiles and pretends to be asleep. Nice...She made more Static Girl Tofu Squares, and I ate some with her homegrown hummus; yum...9-17-07; Static Girl learned the hard way that it is now too cold to be prancing around downstairs in panties and one of my t-shirts...After a random night of my insane cooking and cleaning, she left me a note on the stove that says "I like you.". I am The Man...Art By The Foot! She drew all over her right foot and ankle with her cool pencils one evening; it was incredible! I went back to observe again on the next night, but it was all gone--just her pretty feet, with no art. But; what a great idea! She should tell those art-by-the-inch people about art-on-the-foot. My girlfriend is amazing!..I get abused on vacation; she gets abused at work. She came home from work so pissed off one day, that she was "Bah" to everything. I became her "Bahfriend". It took awhile, but I did make her feel better...She got a new credit card with a studly frog on it...In return for picking up some broccoli for her, she made a special batch of cornbread for me! Life is good...
My FCP has this for me: I talked to her for a few minutes on Labor Day; she sounds good! Scratch that; she sounds as delicious as ever!..She has the concept of her life all figured out; maybe she doesn't have all the details. However, I have excellent detail clarification (pinball, poetry, frisbee, music), but I'm a conceptual basket case. Ain't that a hoot? And, possibly, more of the "opposites attract" thing...I am the last link TO the gutter for my FCP; she respects my dispositon, and with her filters she sands down my rough edges. Ooo; 'sand down my rough edges', baby!
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: New studies show that human DNA is more complex than first thought; ha. Do ya think?..Burt's Bees and Morningstar (decent fake bacon), companies that have tried to produce more natural and earth-friendly products, both have now been bought by corporations. Meat Kellog...Tacoma, WA; Former teacher Jennifer Leigh Rice, 31, has been in jail since August for kidnapping a 10 yr. old boy for sex. Wow...Oil is up over $80 a barrel now; I am SO glad we finally have all those alternative choices for driving fuel...An Ohio woman goes to work, and leaves her baby in the car. The baby dies from being left in the 140 heat, in the car, for 7 hours. Ohio has not charged mom with a crime OR tied her tubes yet. She is free to breed again--hey look; she's heading for the sperm bank! Historectify!..
Toot + Poot: 3 ELO mentions this month; that's pretty sweet...How is "Twilight Zone" NOT my 2nd favorite song of all time? It is a great song, it's the music behind my 2nd favorite pinball machine--a machine I played well twice during the '93 PAPA tournament, that song pretty much IS 1993 for me, with '93 being the year I got on the radio, and it was the best double encore Hazel Virtue ever closed 50 shows with.
A thought to take with you: "No mother ever dreams her daughter's gonna grow up to be a junkie. No mother ever dreams that her daughter's gonna grow up to sleep alone."--"Thrash Unreal" by Against Me!
"It is man's sympathy with all creatures that first makes him truly a man."--Albert Schweitzer (that's from the box of my new vegan riblets)
"What counts can't always be counted; what can be counted doesn't always count."--Albert Einstein
I like Einstein quotes: "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not people or things."--Albert Einstein
"Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it."--Walter Chrysler (that's fucking brilliant, by the way)
Bumper Sticker: An armed society is a polite society.
Band names: Plastic Toy Grenade, Blackberry Girlfriend, Quantum Entanglement, Bad Carrots, Sprinkles of Genius (Family Guy #2), Adequate Cheese Substitute, Chocolate Cornbread, Chocolate Garlic Cornbread (oh just quit it), Historectify, Displayful, Decent Fake Bacon, Produce Stand Goddess, Drunk Mascot, Bong Piss, Coughing Up Oatmeal, Vampirate, Toxic Algae Bubble, Vegan Grease, Release Valve, You Bit My Lip, Vegetarian Bullies, Creative Cannibalism, Gay Teletubbie Sex,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: The FOE website is taking a break, which he certainly deserves. Google "Fred On Everything" and see where it takes you. So we will NOT be reading that like we normally do, and this already sucks. But we can go back and re-read hundreds of his old, excellent commentaries, and maybe order one of his books finally. And we will appreciate the fact that we even HAD a Fred to relay the dramatic irony for us...Wait! Thousands of people begged him to keep on trucking; and for the moment, he is! God Bless Fred. Fred may well be one of our final links back to when America was great; and with his impressive vocabulary, he will help keep the dust off of your thesaurus, too!
Watching: Dr. Who is/was possibly the best show on tv (without cussing), and the season is over. We will miss it!..Rescue Me is the best show on tv with cussing, and we will miss it, too....HBO One Night Stand; Dennis Wolfberg...We're going to switch over to Showtime from HBO, so (along with Weeds) I've been checking out Californication, too. It's okay...The end of 10-22's Countdown was so good that it was ripped from the airwaves and replaced by a completely dead screen. Kick ass! Keith; whatever you did, or said, or your tone of voice, or if you rolled your eyes like my girlfriend--whatever it was, I'm very proud of you. Thank you...I keep missing Keith O on Sunday night football; maybe for 1 week he could just kick everybody else out, yes--even Costas, and just run it HIS way one week. Have Dan Patrick march up and sit in for a segment; you want ratings? I'll get you some fucking ratings...Joel McHale on The Soup gets better every week; who wouldn't be a "Laughlin" fan?
Class Projects: Girlfriend asked me to record 4 hours of a CNN show; Planet in Peril. What excellent and disturbing proof that there are way too many humans on this little rock.
Other than that, I just watch movies alone. "American Crime", like Robin Williams' "Insomnia", had fantastic potential, but fell far short...'Young girls discover new ways to pleaure themselves' (Who wouldn't watch that?); that was the summary of "Sexual Exploration". It was pathetic--it did NOT follow the summary...2000's "Cut" with Molly Ringwald was okay; and the soundtrack had a song by my Atlanta band Drill...2005's "Slither" was worthless, but had 2 Jane Jensen songs in it (she's my favorite comic book whore)..."The Comedians of Comedy" was Patton Oswalt's 2005 road comic movie; they played in Portland and Eugene; very nice. Patton is the fusion of me and my first roomate T. R.. And I've been a fan of Maria Bamford's vocal prowess for 15 years, maybe more...
Watching and Hearing: Tons of my childhood songs are selling cars now; Supertramp has invaded Acura commercials. Wings is selling something, Free is in there hocking cell phones; I'm going to be sick. I mean "sicker".
Hearing: Orbit, Caviar, ELO, Dream Life Misery, my new Almond Davis CD, both of my new T-Bone Stone CD's, Crystal Method came out for a hangover, 10-29 home sick was Crumb and Tool day, Jane Jensen (New CD's by Orbit and Jane Jensen coming to me soon!), Portland band Rye Hollow (go buy "Hearts Like These") is outstanding--singer Breanna Paletta is gorgeous, and a fine guitar player, but it's her VOICE that will stop you and make you take notice.
New on the radio; is that new Springsteen et al, after, like, 5 years? New Dylan, too? Neat...Is that an entire tribute album of Dio songs, or just one Killswitch remake of "Holy Diver"?..More new Papa Roach? Nice...New Muse?..That new Puddle of Mud song has the Money For Nothing lyric that will get them sued by Knopfler if they're not careful...New REM; new P J Harvey?..Public radio did B.B. King into Fleetwood Mac, which is just like I would do. You'll never hear shit like that on regular radio..."Pucifer"? Is that the name of the new M J Keenan thing? Tool meets Crystal Method and Frank Zappa at the same party; and THAT is a trainwreck you could sell tickets to; baby.
By the way; people talking on regular radio this Century completely suck ass. There is NOBODY treating this like it could be their last day on the air; nobody lives and dies by the quality of their breaks anymore. They all sound entitled and elitist; those little fudge-fuck cue-card readers really piss me off. They're not even fucking trying, and they can all kiss my ass. You people wouldn't fucking know what just hit you if I were to get back in there and start scream-switching and speed-talking. You, seriously--it's not totally your fault; you've been dumbed-down by corporate radio over the past 10 years, and you would not know how to respond to a true radio student anymore. And it's YOUR fucking loss, bitch. I care--but only to a limited degree. Those new DJ's make me cringe; erugh.
Musical Purchases this month: 10-6, downtown, in a used record store, I found a cassette copy of Rush' "Farewell to Kings" for 25 cents. I handed my girlfriend 30 cents and said "You are buying this for me!". Played "Xanadu" and "Closer to the Heart" for her on the ride home. Rush fans unite: "Oh I will dine on honeydew, and drink the milk of paradise." Later I would hear that second song again; stay tuned...I paid $10 for 2 T-Bone Stone CD's; Almond Davis just gave me one of his CD's, and then bought me a beer; we like Almond.
Out and About: Hall and Oates, Chicago and Sister Sledge at Dollar Tree; 3 decades at Big Lots--90's Natalie Mechant, 70's Carpenters, and 80's Great White; Beatles, Aretha Franklin and George Benson at Dollar Tree;
Singing: "I Don't Care"--Mike Tracey, "Possum Kingdom"--Toadies, "Starlight"--Muse, "Ants in the Kitchen"--Masters of Reality, "Black Celebration"--Monster Magnet does Depeche Mode, "When September Ends"--Greenday, "Band on the Run"--Wings, "Real Me"--the Who, "Creep"--Radiohead (In the shower at work!), "Deep Down I'm Shallow"--Caviar, "Hey Let Go"--Caviar, "Implore"--Crumb, "Beth"--Kiss, "Seems Like a Dream"--Fleetwood Mac, "Thrash Unreal"--Against Me, the theme to "Weeds" on Showtime 'and they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same'.
What I want today: I want to follow Mike Tracey around and go to a shitload of Blues shows; um, hang on a second...I want Ron White to be my new Drunk Stepdad...
New stuff this month or so: We got some stuff in our apartment worked on; they flooded the underside of my dungeon bathroom sink, and made the upstairs toilet run much louder and more often. Go Maintenance!..John Deere stuff is supposed to be All-American. But even my John Deere drinking glasses are from China...Heard about (Infinity) a lifetime razor--one of my many million $ ideas, but the reviews are horrible. Oh well...They tell you to not just 'go through the motions'. But we are all just fucking going through the motions right now. And lo; how dumbass these motions are 'and they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same'...
This Month of bargain-Shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): jalapeno cheese slices, chips, and frozen peas and carrots from Dollar Tree; expired Special K breakfast bars and expired Grape Nuts bars, expired juice bottles that stain wood, and expired flavored water from Big Lots--I am edgy; fuck, how do you spell "edgey"?
Occupational Hazards: This week was our 1-year anniversary; so?..My new nickname is "Walnut"; my old name of "Psycho Boy" apparently offended some fat girl feminist cunts somewhere in job land. Women are so cute; you know, because if I were a woman, knowing that some guy's nickname was "Psycho Boy" would definitely offend ME, too...On 10-16, warm air started coming through the vents at work; I guess it's Winter now...We don't know where the pot smell came from, and I don't smoke at work--so it wasn't me. Maybe it came through the vents with the warm air...I stomp around and say "Yeah; teach me a lesson, and send me the fuck home!", but they never do. They never sent me home from any of the radio stations either; or the credit place, MIC, Infinite, or any jobs for that matter. I need a new 'defiance' statement...By the way, I was right all along about having to find a way to live on $8 an hour (Thrash Unreal, baby); upsold and downsized, interned and outsourced. Have fun...We had this thing at work, and they begged us all to sign up for overtime. I did not. Turns out; 2 hours into this "thing", there was no extra business, and people got sent home. Ha. I giggle again...One morning, because of roadblocks, I had to drive 30 miles to work--now that's dedication; I don't get the credit I deserve...After one of the multiple consecutive blues jams, I was in the breakroom at work, with crusted eyes, couldn't breathe, couldn't see, half deaf, hunched and moaning over the sink. Some girl asks me if I'm okay, and I said 'This wouldn't be the first sink I puked in today.' And she ran out! Ha; but they won't send me home--they never do...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: (Because of the first line that follows, we have changed the name to "This Month of Blues Jamming!") 5 Blues Jams in 8 days; wooo, and later Steve and I would do 3 Jams in 3 days... It only took 2 visits to the new machine to blow it away and score 2 billion on Pirates of the Caribbean pinball at Diablo's; the old high score was 620 million. After the Blues Jam on 10-10, I played 1 ball of Pirates, scored 504 million, and left it with Steve (it was already score #4, he ended with 580). I've been back for another 826 million, and 904, too. During the 1.5 billion ball of my best game (10-6-07), the bar's music service played "Closer to the Heart"--2nd time that day; nice. 10-13 also had the newest Nascar high score of 218 mil; and that lasted for 6 days...10-14; woke up to my ankle swollen; it looks sprained all to shit. Ow. So I will limp for a whole week, and be extra pissy. I call it my Morgellons ankle; but I cannot worry about this crap right now...Along with 'blues jamming', I changed the cheap section of Sidebar Hell to "This month of bargain-shopping:"...The Higher Forces (God and the Aliens) are salesmen--doing a take-away on me! They are testing me by taking away some more of the feeling in my body--to see if I bitch, or become more appreciative of what little I have left; I would still choose pain over numbness; there were a couple of scary numb days in October, and I am appreciative...Penis envy? Maybe I have boob envy, but there won't be any fuzz envy, ever...Snooze-button-boogie is good for me--it allows me to assess my position, keeping the pillow between my knees--make adjustments, etc; you people wouldn't understand...The Dollar Store Chinese Aim toothpaste was rotting my teeth; so now I use this $5 shit, and have a prescription for $20 toothpaste...I own 2 digital video cameras, and cannot work either one of them...I am forced to relive "I should have said--"'s in my head all day and night because people are so pathetic; I fucking hate people...If we're going to keep concentrating on cartoons, then I want Pinky and the Brain AND The Tick DVD's...10-19-07 we scored a 330 mil on Nascar pinball, and we broke the machine by warping the mutiball during a double Champ Challenge. Jeezus; I'm the fucking Pinball Wizard of 5 bars right now--do I need a new Sidebar heading to keep up with this shit? Um, maybe...I will burp through a harmonica someday...Too crippled for housework on 1 Monday night; on the next Monday I set cleaning records. "I do more by 1 am (in 3 hours) than most people do all day"...I MUST have all 5 pinball scores, and have "Unanimosity" on the Diablos Pirates pinball machine--like I do at Jackalope. Okay; that was easy--I am pretty much Mr. Unanimosity now, mutherfucker. So; I created a new word, and am now living it in 2 bars. Go me!..I need to do commentaries; one for Fred, one for Wolfgang, one for Mike Tracey, David Hamel, Pirates pinball, the barefoot kids picture my FCP put up/the pro-creational virus that is 90% of women/breeding must be stopped. I just don't have time...I'm going to need a volunteer from the audience for some M + M research; my Summer Crush was the originally intended crock pot for this chocolate fondue, but she's gone MIA. My FCP would happily play E Z Bake Oven for me, but she's in the midst of maintenance. This is a great idea; I shouldn't have to beg. Even the best women have faults. The Overnight Guy told you that...
New foods this month: Eugene Brewing Company; they make a sweet Red brew (World Cafe). Yum!..Oddwalla food bars; they are my new cross-training from Clif Bars...With all the contaminated spinach, and the fact that it only lasts 3 days before it rots, we've gone back to icebergeron lettucifer...Girlfriend made some barley/lentil soup; it wasn't bad, but it needed a little doctoring up. I created barley soup salvage for a week--I am fucking great at salvaging food; ask my girlfriend...Tofu cutlets; they're like little fake steaks; yum...Girlfriend ordered me 4 kinds of vegan jerky; anticipation...Is coffee food? Sometimes. So we're trying out this Tully coffee; it is more finely ground and flavorful than advertised; yum...I cooked potatos with peas; any excuse to carve more garlic, baby! Yum...My vegan jerky came; one kind is called "Stonewall's Jerquee". Their "wild" flavor may be the best food ever; I want 30 lbs. of it. Now you know...My yummy Anderson's Summer Solstice brew at Jackalope has been phased out, and a new Deschuttes brew called "Hop Trip" has wiggled into it's place. The other Deschuttes "Twilight" has been the only beer in my fridge for a month; love it...On my 1st sick day, 10-29, girlfriend made me Healing Miso with peas and corn; yum...
This month of Blues Jamming! Thanks to Mike Tracey, I now know where the World Cafe, Sam Bond's, and Papa's Soul Food are! Thanks Mike!..I forgot to mention the Mac's Blues show on Sat, 9-29-07 last month. Mac's is a true Blues House--with blues 5 nights a week. That may have been the tightest and most enjoyable night yet. A long "Use Me Up", and another long "I Don't Care", plus all the rest. I pretended to be with the band; taking pictures, changing seats, and reminding people of the tip jar I made; it was amazing! Met singer Vicki Stevens, too...First Jam of October was a 10-3 Wednesday night downtown at Diablo's. Another empty Blues Jam. Each venue has its own personality; this one had mad skill and intricacy--they are the A-Team...Blues Jam #41 for me was Thurs. 10-4-07. Thursday night is White Trash/Redneck night (No wonder I like it so much!). I finally met my pinball opponent there; his pinball initials are ORB, and we will have play dates. There was an extra young guitarist, plus all the usual suspects; MT, JP, Z-Bass, Jimmy on drums, 2 R's on guitar. Nice. We got drunk, and yelled. Set 4 only had 2 songs, but was good...Sat 10-6-07 was my first trip to World Cafe to see the Westside Blues All-Stars. BTW; ALL of these shows have Mike Tracey (MT)--he is the reason I am doing all this research right now. I cannot keep this pace up, but he does this shit every week....10-10 was another Wednesday at Diablo's Jam; met Ty C and 2006 harp champ Hank S., Westside Jam #42 was 10-11-07; inside and full-staged. I yelled and screamed like a neighborhood drunk; go me...10-13-07 became a pinball tribute to my FCP instead of Blues (826 on Pirates, 218 on Nascar), and we were back for 3 Jams in a row starting 10-16. Remember that now I am hobbled, and on one ankle this week. 10-16 was the Inaugural Jam at the Hop House--not too far away. Z-Bass runs it, and MT will do at least the first 2 weeks. I met "Golfshoes" Johnson; and finally got to see Sean "White Russian" Murphy play drums; wow. This was an okay night; there was a fight, some people thrown out, a hot bartender, women broke into dance and flashed their boobies--we had a pretty good time; no pinball there though...10-17 was Diablo's Hump Jam again; the A-team. I got to talk to Vicki Stevens (singer, and Mike Tracey fan) for a few minutes; she and I get along so well. MT did "Nobody's Business", and then after all the musicians left, while Steve and I were playing pinball, the bar music played the original "Nobody's Business", and we all agreed that the MT version was better...So when MT played "Nobody's Business" at Westside Blues Jam #43 on 10-18-07, Steve and I were hearing that song for the 3rd time in 24 hours; nice. No JP keyboards tonight--he's in Vegas. Indoor and ending early, but tonight's "I Don't Care" was the new best one ever...Sat. I went back to Diablo's for pinball, and I then had the top 4 scores on Pirates. Almond and Steve A. show up because the Almond Davis Group is playing their 3rd show ever tonight, and now I am their special guest! So I wound up at the bar for 8 hours, again, oops, and had a blast! Almond and Steve share the same brain; between the 2 of them they are a complete band. Move up to Hop House Jam #2 on Tuesday 10-23-07. More Sean, Kenny R, and Golfshoes. I met T-Bone Stone, and got 2 of his CD's; he is a triple threat of singer/harp/guitar. Also met rock and roll violinist Jessie; very nice. Z-Bass pulled out Soft Cell's Tainted Love just to screw with me; it worked. But the highlight was standing next to MT and my buddy Steve while they did a double harmonica jam in Steve's car--Steve is learning. That was oustanding, and MT promises to do more instruction with Steve. Nice. Next night is Wed.s 10-24 Jam at Diablo's again. This was the most incredible night ever; with highs and lows early, Vicki sang a few songs and lit up the house, fine women were all over me, I got to properly thank Almond for that amazing Sat. night madness, and MT had another harp training session with Steve outside. MT also played a new original called 'Shake That Thing'. Wow. Couldn't find Ginger, but I met Marianne--who wanted me, but I was too busy. Then after the music stopped, I played 1 more game of pinball. MT got to come over and see me play in top form--I kept 4 balls in play the entire time he watched; he was quite impressed. With over 700 mil, I now have my Unanimosity--and you will need 640 mil just to put initials up; hey--good luck with that. I don't know how I made it to work the next day (fun in the breakroom); but that's Thursday. And that means Blues Jam #44 for me at Overtime, 10-25-07. MT, JP was back; and all the regulars. Horn Boy Jeff showed back up after 2 weeks off; cool. But the highlight tonight was my boy Steve getting up onstage and blowing harp for the first time in public; 2wice! He's already decent, and he is going to get so much better. The heater was outside for the first time since March. This pace is killing me; but I love it. I may have to puke again; stay tuned. Ooo, I got sick instead. I mean "sicker".
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Since God and I are a little grumpy with each other right now, I would ask God for the ability to kill billions of other wasteful human beings quickly and quietly, so that the 2% of the current population remaining might have a real chance at a "do-over" on this crumbling crust. Hey; I can dream...God isn't too happy with the way I constantly try to oversimplify things. But I am not here to be God's buddy; apparently I am here to be the occaisional voice of reason and common sense that is certainly lacking here in "Ha Ha Humanity Land". Oh, by the way; the Emperor has no clothes, and the lunatics are running the asylum...
What's different here than in college town: Frank Black lives here; now you know...Have we mentioned the Euphoria Chocolate Company from Eugene, OR? They have the dark chocolate bars with raspberry filling, and the map of Eugene on the front label. Yum...Most of GA is in a drought--we are not...In Portland there is an arcade called Ground Kontrol that has all the video games from the 80's, and lots of pinball, too. I feel the magnets pulling me there...It won't last, but in the last week of October U of O and UGA are both in the college football top 10.
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: We have that school teacher lady (Shirley Katz) who is terrified of her unstable ex-husband; and WITH her legal gun permit, she wants to take her gun to work, and GOOD for her, but the school is all pissy about it (Hello? She has a fucking permit--she's doing everything that the rulebook says she has to. I fucking hate people.)...Ain't no glaciers in Arizona, bitch. There are 35 glaciers in Oregon. The Collier Glacier is melting scarily fast right now; like, 20 feet per year, or something. Yawn. Wake me up when Greenland's gone, and world sea level RISES 20 feet--then it's gonna get fun...
Life with Static Girl: My girlfriend has relocated her binoculars to the sun room so that I can take a closer look when I think I'm seeing conspiracies in the sky...I cleaned out our freezer, and then girlfriend brings home 5 more big bags of bread...Static Girl is going deaf in her right ear, which reciprocates my going deaf in the left. Huh?..We went to an art show at a record store that is 1 block away from the Jackalope Lounge, and I got to show her a section of town she had not yet seen...Static Girl survives, just barely, by avoiding people in every capacity beyond her work. She doesn't even like me all the time--and I would know...I called her "exquisimistic" when I was describing her; beat that!..My girlfriend does NOT have child-bearing hips; on the spot now, I said that she might have M + M bearing hips. And not those big fat peanut ones; those little tiny regular ones. But my girlfriend won't let me do any play time with M + M's and the magic lamp. Oh well...She "harrassalates" me a little, sometimes, as a way to help remind me of things I may have forgotten. She'll say 'Go put some clothes on.' when I'm walking around in my underwear and it's like, 40 degrees. I appreciate that; sometimes I need a little harrassalation...The same week my ankle warped, my girflriend's right eye messed up, and our Tegan got a tummy ache; this is also the week before my FCP's surgery; we're all falling apart...Static Girl and I agree that inside our apartment is okay; but outside our front door it is "Idiotland"...Static Girl says I should use a Credit Union--so I'm going to dump corporate banking for a local C U...Girlfriend agrees that she and I both deserve a couple of weeks off...10 years with this incredible woman, and I STILL have a crush on her; I tell her everyday...We will be adopting another turkey this year. I like the turkey "Moth". He has a blue head, and a red neck. In fact; Moth and I may already be related...
My FCP has this for me: Sent a card to her, played pinball for her, I take showers and listen to our old song 3 times in a row; then I also found a great Halloween card for her...I may have to make her man a little jealous--to get him to want to mark his territory more often...FCP put up a picture of 3 barefoot kids on her Christian website; there's no money for shoes there. But, I guess there's plenty of money to have children; WHY are poor people still breeding?..My sweetie goes in for surgery on the 29th; please send her good vibes so that this will be no big deal...I sent her a package to read, write and listen to.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Congress approved a $190 billion increase in war spending; I will not comment on this. Yet...On Saturday, September 29, 2007 Congress approved an $850 billion increase to the national debt. Did you hear anything about that? It was voted on over a weekend--so you wouldn't see it...Yahoo says that most people spend more time online than with their significant other. I'd ask Static Girl about this, but she's been online and ignoring me for the last 6 hours. You could ask my FCP about this, too, but her man stays up all night online ignoring her. Never mind...In Philadelphia, the 14 yr. old with all the guns, Dillon Cossey, he's the kid planning another school massacre. His mom bought many of those guns FOR her son--to create this upcoming massacre. I'll bet you $100, right now, that his 'gun mom' Michele Dillon, will NOT have to get her tubes tied; she will be free to breed again! Bet me! Bet me now, you $4 a cup coffee drinker!..Bush doesn't want Turkey to invade Iraq; probably because it's going so well for us right now. Later, Bush won't want Turkey to invade Iran either...
A thought to take with you: "A man who dares to waste one minute of life has not discovered the value of life."--Charles Darwin
"It's not my day to run the company."--Keith Olbermann (I use that shit 2 or 3 times a day at my job, sometimes more--they fucking hate me.)
"If you look at the walls of the Pyramids, you will see my theories!!!"--David Hamel
Band names: Mobile Mermaid, Tangible Admiration, Big Bags of Bread, Absorbed Garlic, Barley Soup Salvage, 5 Bowls of Ice Cream, Drunk Stepdad, Neighborhood Drunk, Healing Miso, "Puking in the Breakroom" would actually be a better album or song title--but you get the idea, High Rate of Decay (dentist), Twenty Dollar Toothpaste (dentists are funny), "Genetic Explosion" (art title), Wino's Spittle (Dilbert), Angry Crab (PTI), Magnified Mistakes (analysis of president Boosh), Positive Feedback Loop (Planet in Peril)
(...last month we were...)
Reading: So I learned about this guy David Hamel, from one of my 3 main conspiracy sites (Out There TV, Conspiracy Journal, or the Nikola Tesla site). Big Dave apparently rode with Aliens on a spaceship back in 1979 and they taught him about spherical magnetic perpetual motion. Good for him--I guess he beat me by 8 years. I didn't ride no fuckin' spaceship; I just "figured out" spherical magnetic perma-motion while I was "Datin' Satan" back in 1987 (and wrote about it in my 1999 commentary "Energy"). Continuing; how does a semi-intellectual human being take ONE look at 'flowing liquid' and NOT see the perpetuality of it? I fucking hate people because people are stupid. (Dude; calm down, this is just the "Reading" section.) Okay; so go read a book about American Idol, fuckers! Next!..Reading Yahoo news; Dave and Gil have already signed on to do the 2nd X-Files movie; it will be done in 8 months, in theaters by Summer '08. Yay; see I can be superficiatrivial, too. Fuck you. I read the newspaper; days late usually, but I read the fucker. My head hurts.
Watching: Fuck watching. I want to see panic in the streets; want to watch bombs bursting in air; eyes melting from sockets, and naked screaming people jumping from burning buildings, (dude, you might need to go play some pinball). Yeah, thanks for reminding me: I'd also like to watch the 'voices in my head' drown in acid, and then get run over by lawn mowers, or be splatter-practice for Leatherface...Oh, allright: I'm watching football (go Pats), Countdown, PTI, Scrubs, Weeds, Family Guy and The Soup (someday I will guest-host The Soup)...Robot Chicken is a spilled beer that pools to make art on the floor--pretty puddles that you've seen in your head before, but you dismissed them because they were crazy...Real Time with Bill Maher will be lost when we drop HBO next month, and Inside the NFL; damn. On Weeds, I saw Kevin Nealon say "Kiss my big Black ass!"; I have incorporated that line into my internal verbal arsenal...Some members of the 1985 brat pack, all my age, are starting to get wrinkly. I hope I look more like Charlie Sheen than Ally Sheedy. And I need a Molly Ringwald update, too; she e-mailed me once, years ago. No, I can't prove it. Never mind. It's like there's a kid banging on a drum set in my head...
Dr Perry Cox on Scrubs has already thrown 3 fits worthy of recital this season. Too bad my drunk ass is so eager with the delete button, or I'd give more detail...Is a slim cartoon Keith going to be on the Simpsons 3 days after Thanksgiving? Check for re-runs now. Ooo; will his tie be green, or purple? I can't wait; love that Keith--do you see him mentally abusing Collinsworth on Football Night? Poor Chris...saw Doug Stanhope do a comedy special; he drinks, smokes, cusses, and insults people. For me, it was like looking in the mirror...Saw the "To Catch a Predator" from Georgia again--you know, looking for old neighbors, or people I went to high school with...Not watching, just asking; I saw a DVD on sale for a season of "One Tree Hill". You've heard of this show, too? Right; so the DVD cover has 5 skinny-assed people, I'm talking unhealthily scrawny--they make my 5-8, 120 lb. girlfriend look like a cow. And these 5 Boney Brats--let me guess; they trade stick-figure sex partners around, ooo drama, and there's probably a hill, with a tree, somewhere in their neighborhood. Am I close? Boy that sounds like a fun show; you people really will watch anything, won't you? Maybe they'll bring back American Gladiators for you. Oh fuck no; wait, that was supposed to be a joke!
Class Projects: Girlfriend and I watched the 3rd Matrix movie together; Reverberations? Retaliations? She owns like, all 9 Matrix movies; I've seen 4 of them...I DVR'd "Happy Feet", which had many Robin Williams' voices (at least 4, thank you), and we loved that movie in this house (humans are bad); "C'mere; let me tell something to you." has become a daily comment from me...Girlfriend is NOT a fan of Family Guy, okay? It took WEEKS of favors to get her to finally watch it; but she LOVED IT when she finally did see the Star Wars double episode with me (yes, dude, it's called "Blue Harvest")...I need for the TOON network to re-run the Robot Chicken Star Wars again, too.
More from 'Movies I watched alone'; I DVR'd Natural Born Killers (nice), and bought Rob Z's House of 1000 Corpses...From 1995, I saw Tarantino's "Four Rooms", which was okay; "Barely Legal"--again with great potential that falls short; "3-Way" with Gina Gershon was like a bad 70's double-crosser art flick puke-fest...Just learned about "No Country for Old Men", but it's in theaters currently; boy now that looks promisingly violent...
Watching and Hearing: Saw Juliette and The Licks on Craig Ferguson; they play here on 11-27; told Static Girl I would take her (2 different times), but she said 'no'; that's a Hop House Jam night, anyway; priorities...I asked her if she wanted to go see Rob Zombie and Ozzy at PDX; let's just say that her facial expression was UN-approving...I discovered The Henry Rollins Show on IFC this month; I guess nobody loved me enough to tell me about it before now--you fuckers. Ow, my head...Dude; this is supposed to be tv commercials. Have you heard that Cadillac commercial with Spacehog? See; it doesn't work for them, because THEY need more than just good 90's music to promote stinky fat girl cars...Deep Purple in a Rockband.com commercial, BTO and Brett Favre in a Wrangler jeans commercial (nice)...Did you see/hear the Thanksgiving Goo at halftime?..
Hearing: "The Best Blues Album in the World...Ever!" (2000, Virgin Records), old Afghan Whigs--wtf, "Gentleman", the "Before X" compilation, my new Silas CD, (4 from a CD dig) Self's "Subliminal Plastic Motives", Geggy Tah's "Sacred Cow", "Clumsy" Samiam and '100% Freak' Alligator Gun (it's like I KNOW all the best obscure shit from the 90's), all 3 from my CDWorld run (Trinket, Trick, and NIN remixes), more Orbit and Jane Jensen are still coming--don't rush me...Ricky played a bluesy "Slow Down" at Blues Jam Thursday 11-29, so on 11-30 I had to play my 1983 Zebra debut. Twice. Screaming like Randy Jackson pisses my girlfriend off, and probably does not help my headache. Ouch. I stole the Zebra from TPG when I helped him move once, and he has a few more boxes of my old 90's radio CD's; I'll get them eventually.
New on the radio; That's new Monster Magnet, mutherfucker; I KNOW what Monster Magnet sounds like; the Wyndorf's ride again--details to follow!..The new Linkin Park song, "Shadow of the Day" is simple, but very good--it's my tribute to Tegan...I've always respected Kid Rock; he is one of the best, maybe THE best (since Elvis), at connecting ALL forms of music (yes, dude, it's called "bridging"). Plus; doesn't he also play 3 instruments? His new song "So Hot" is my current proof of his genius...How many great songs are on that new Incubus?..Godsmack has redone at least 2 Zep songs now; good times...Bridge? 'I'm just looking for the bridge'; Alison Kraus and Robert Plant croon nicely through their 23 yr. age difference. Perhaps a bit old to raise Hell; their CD is called "Raising Sand"...Local band; "Long, Tall and Ugly"--I will certainly learn more about them...On the new Juliette and the Licks CD, "Four on the Floor", do you know who's playing drums? That would be Dave Grohl; and you will be listening to it. Okay; fuck you. Me Me Me Me; I will be listening to it.
Musical Purchases this month: 2 trips to CDWorld in one night! I had already picked up the 1998 full length Trinket, and the 1997 Cheap Trick full length (I have demos for both--but not full lengths), also got the Cure's "Wish" for my girl; then I was heading home, and saw on their CDWorld sign that new NIN was out. SCREEEEECH! So; that's a big, scary U-Turn on west 11th, and back to play sticky finger fondle with the new Year Zero Remixes double disc. This shit is so dark that it scares my girlfriend--can't play it on my big stereo. Nice...
Out and About: Gin Blossoms and Linda Rondstat (you spell it) at Fred Meyer, Chicago at Dollar Tree, MY Filter tune "Hey Man Nice Shot" at my mechanic's garage--first song of the day, Bee Gee's at Big 5 (yes, I was singing 'More than a woman'; kiss my big black ass)
Singing: "Speaker Monkey"--Z Bass, "Good Good Music"--Z Bass, I sing MT's "I Don't Care" in the shower--daily, and whistle it at work--I also play the 7-27-07 You Tube 2-minute Portland intro of "I Don't Care" at work--by the way, that is the first known recording of Mike Tracey's original song; "Frankenstein"--Edgar Winter (Again; dude, how do you "sing" instrumentals?), "Centerfold"--J. Geils Band, "Self Destruction Part 2"--NIN, "Only Women Bleed"--Alice Cooper (season finale of Californication), "In the Dark"--Billy Squier, "Money"--Pink Floyd (the new radio version cuts out the "...do goody-good bullshit" line, fuckers), "Hold on Tight", "Fire on High" (how?), and "Do Ya"--ELO, "Keep Yourself Alive"--Queen, "Why Me"--Planet P, "Work For Food"--Dramarama, "The Globe"--New Order, "Straight to Hell"--Drivin 'N Cryin, "Wang Dang, Sweet Poontang"--Ted Nugent, "Freak on a Leash"--Korn, "So Far Away"--Dire Straits, "Eyesore"--Fig Dish
What I want today: I want the payoff--the big one...Would also like to point out that the University of Georgia is well-represented on these 2007 New England Patriots; not just their defensive team captain Richard Seymour, but also the blocking tight end with the soft hands; Benjamin Watson. Thank you; go Dawgs, sic 'em--woof woof woof woof!..
New stuff this month or so: The whiff! I completely missed the time-change again; Static Girl had to remind me after I got up an hour early...It needs to be said about this Pats/Colts game: the (1) defending superbowl champs, are (2) undefeated at 7-0, (3) playing at home, (4) against a team they have beaten three times in a row; BUT these superbowl champs are 5.5 point underdogs. This has NEVER happened in the history of team sports. Go Patriots!..Pats win by 4; bets on the Colts were still winners; nice...The upstairs toilet was imitating me; moaning, gurgling, and leaking a little. Yeah; well, at least we got the toilet fixed...Meth problems; meth ads, meth heads, meth labs, etc. I learned about meth back in the 80's; Crank, Poor Man's Coke, Hair Stand/Hand Stand. Credit where its due: isn't meth responsible for speed metal? Maybe you should try to pay attention. When DUMB people do drugs--DUMB things happen. Yes; it's the same when DUMB people breed, too. Meth does NOT even offer an initial euphoria, and therefore I (never did, and still) do NOT understand the attraction...My mechanic has the nastiest coffee pot ever; greasy, grimey, slimey, with little bugs everywhere--my mouth waters just thinking about it...After making a purchase, watch ALL of your change get counted back into your hands. You have been warned...This is newspaper news, but fuck you anyway. Some 11 yr. old New Jersey boy, Max Wallack, invented a wrist brace to help carpal tunnel sufferers. Good job, Max; it's too bad that he's 100 lbs. overweight. Yeah; little Maxi Pad Boy needs to get the fuck AWAY from said computer, and go get chased around the playground by some bullies and lose some of that "virtual" fat ass of his. Jeezus; how 'dumbed down' can we get here?..Trends continue; with the poisons abounding (we're all leaded now), the warming globe, and the impending MRSA bug super-epidemic; an intelligent society would STOP, or AT LEAST slow down the shitting out of new children by women. You know; let's get the unwanted kids ALREADY HERE fed, clothed and housed. Dare I say it; a little 'family planning' would be so responsible. But no; massive shit-breeding continues. How fucking brain-warped are you idiots who want children; are you just not paying attention?..What is "rolfing"? Is that going to help my back?..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Garlic powder, strawberry newtons, and more jalapeno cheese slices at Dollar Tree; never got to Big Lots.
Occupational Hazards: I'm in trouble--that may be a permanent thing. Know how I never get sent home? I got sent home to watch the Pats/Colts game by my cool-assed Supervisor...2 lunches with Barbie in 1 week; she could be my at-work love doll. I call my body "X-Files"; Barbie calls my body "bionic". She obviously wants me. Woo. Hey; and Barbie got to wave (and trade jealous glares) with my girlfriend one night when Gus was getting some TLC...There was a big presentation where 50 of us crammed into a small room. Stinky fucking fat women; they all smelled like blood and body odor; FDS Rejects (This sent me on a rip to appreciate my naturally yum-fragrant Static Girl; more later)...We have an audio tool that helps us with our verbal presentations. In my latest lesson, there's a great example of a sarcastic voice (that's me), and a picture of a dark-haired girl rolling her eyes (that's Static Girl). I am a master of communications...I didn't get transferred at work, I got cock-blocked from dropping down to the department of lowered IQ's. But they were brilliant in their approach--making this meeting on a mid-month Thursday, when I was absolutely hung-the-fuck-over, and in no condition to argue or be sarcastic. Honestly; I couldn't even focus. Maybe I will benefit from not getting the easy way out of this current clusterfuck I'm in. Hey, who thought I could possibly last a year in a corporate cesspool that rewards criminals? Not me...I need to do a new work survey about the daily roller coaster, and how managers rave about following procedure; ha...(from Thursday 11-29-07; shirt untucked and not buttoned, drooling and giggling) "Me? No, I'm not hungover; I feel great. I always cry when I'm happy. Sometimes I puke, too." Will somebody please shoot me, so my head will stop hurting? Oh yeah; on said crying and puking hangover day, I mooned highway traffic on I-5. Wanna know what I learned? Those windows are VERY cold on your butt cheeks. Lucky for me I entertain the shit out of our security guards (they love me), or there might be a problem. Hey; maybe they'll put my "mooning" video up on You Tube...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Tegan the incredible guinea pig finally passed this month. She will be missed...Remember my Morgellons ankle from last month? This month I have a Morgellons right elbow; the pain follows and frolics. Ooo, and more Morgellons Heartburn Ankle, too. Does Morgellons need a spokesperson? I need a Dr. House walking stick...Drove home from Diablos one night in "30 Yard Fog" (limited visibility); I was actually pretty sober, and I've only seen fog like that 1 other time...Filled my new American Spirit lighter with butane; going to stop MY use of disposable lighters; I like the green spray-flame...I need to clean pipes, buy new glass, put in a fresh order, and uh, never mind...I'm channeling that movie "Wag the Dog" in my daily life of dealing with adversity; saying 'this is nothing...' about my discomforts; back, neck, ankle, elbow--Bring The Pain, Bitch! As in; 'This is nothing; this is just the first of 3 hangovers in a row for me.'...I don't show much interest in the future? Wow--you're right. And; when did you finally figure this out about me, Dr. Deductive? Hey fuck you; I'm not even worried about the rest of this DAY, baby--I am merely trying to make it to the next hour here. I won't even worry about "tonight" for another 4, 5, maybe 6 hours from now. The "future", mutherfucker, is my next interlude of relief from pain or stress; thank you. Which reminds me; I need to head back to the pharmacy, too...Saving the earth, and water; I am now shutting off the water while I clean the curtain during my weekly scrubbing shower...Gus the Wondervan did NOT need a new thermostat, as I had so hoped. He needed a whole new radiator (the original leak, from the head-on collision in 1999 finally became a mortal wound); but $300 later my buddy is ready for Winter, and my mechanic still rocks!..Triple becomes "triplify", then "triplified", then "triplifried"; this is my brain on sober. See; I actually NEED drugs. Speaking of:...After cabbing home from Blues Jam 48, I woke up at 5:30 am AGAIN on the living room floor, THIS time covered in my girlfriend's chocolate chips. They were all over the floor, and all over my clothes. Later, noon-ish, I actually found the remains of a chocolate chip in my eyebrow. Dude; did you miss your mouth? This might be amusing for a college kid, but I'm 40-something. Today is 11-30-07; how the fuck did I survive this month? You just WISH you could love life like I do. My head really hurts...Oh by the way; on every pinball machine I touched this November, I either put up the high score, broke the machine, or both! I even walked in, first time playing Wetlands Monster Bash pinball, and got (#3 score) 300 mil on the thing while broken (right side drain)...(With my new food attitude) I completely understand, now, why my girlfriend has NO desire to go out to eat more than once a quarter; most outer food is poison! We will Ring of Fire again, and Mongolian Grill again (neither of them is poison), but in general it's much better to make your own food at home. Homegrown. Homebaked. Speaking of:
New foods this month: My brilliant plan is to create the home-based vegan pizza, which will also cross over into home-made vegan french bread pizzas (ehhh). I will be screaming wtf about the current cheese substitutes soon. My first vegan pizza (11-9-07) was so good that I went back to the store to get more shit to make another one on 11-10-07. Ha! No heartburn in MY pizza, bitch! Ha!..At the cool M o C grocery, I also found Hemp Milk. I'm going to drink it, cook it, gargle it, pour it in the bong, and anything else I can think to do with it...Vegan Jerky Exploits! Primal Spirit Foods makes these "Primal Strips"; the Hot and Spicy, made from shiitake mushrooms, was impressive. I want a pallet full of them (dude, that's like 12,000). More; the Texas B-B-Q flavor was sweet (Static Girl can eat them), and the Hickory Smoked flavor was NB (in between). Does Primal Strips need a spokesperson?..I'm drinking Sno-Plow; Widmer Brothers' Winter brew. Gonna get some Rogue Dead Guy Ale, too...The new fake sausage links are okay; almost as good as the fake sausage patties. I eat them with baked potatos. Oh; yeah, I baked some potatos, too. Gonna bake carrots, too. It's Winter--I'll bake any damn thing I want. Bake my hairy White ass, bitch!...And we will be crossing over to celery sticks for lunch, from carrots; celery sticks are better 'because they're green' (Static Girl)...She'll make that cool Miso stuff; but she only makes one serving of it. I call it Selfish Miso...For Thanksgiving, I made my 3rd Killer Vegan Pizza; allow me some elaboration: I had pizza sauce all over my hands, face, shirt and sweatpants. I ate 3 servings; Static Girl had 2, and then there would be ZERO leftovers. That's pretty much a perfect meal, and a happy cook right there; food remnants everywhere, and NO leftovers. The day after, Friday, I'm going back to basics with a kidney bean/green pea/garlic rice pot...The biggest bottle of my obnoxiously good Huy Fong hot sauce is the industrial refill, at 28 oz. Apparently other people call it 'the rooster brand'; people are fascinating. I put it on a bowl of fake meat for dinner one night; 2 kinds of sausage, bacon and crumbles; I shit funky for 2 days. Shat?..Iron skillet/metal spatula--there ain't no mo 'non-stick' on my dick, bitch. Suck teflon off of some other guy--I am the real deal here; thank you...
This month of Blues Jamming: When I was sicker, in the last week of October, I missed Hop House Jam #3 on 10-30; the lead guitarist that night was Jerry Z. I keep missing him play, dammit! Next night, I missed Diablo's Halloween Jam, too. Apparently it was also incredible. Great...Back in public 11-1-07, stupidly, for Westside Blues Jam #45 for me. Almost empty; no MT tonight. I was way out of practice, but still yelled like no other human being can. Woo...Skipped Tuesday Hop House again, sorry Z, and back for Diablos Wed.s 11-7-07; saw her, and got Vicki's # and e-mail (I am cool); MT saved "I Don't Care" for me, Hank, after drumming tonight, is now a 5-way threat; Jeez. 11-8-07 was Blues Jam #46 for me; Z, MT, 4 great guitars, JP, Horn Jeff showed, and Jessie the hard rock fiddler showed! Jessie is a poor musician--so he loved me! The next night is Friday; Silas is playing at My Blues Jam bar. Silas is Steve and Almond, at least, from Diablos Wednesday nights. I hoped to see MT, because the description of the music was "harmonica blues" in the Weekly. Weirdly, MT did show up, but only to listen (on a date with his new fine lady)--there is no harmonica in Silas. But Silas rocked--they even did a cover of "Elizabeth Reed" by the Allman Bros; I bought their country rock CD. I hung out and "cheered" with the Emerald City Roller Girls (1 can scream and yell as loud as I can; yes, AS loud as I can--nice)...Saturday was the Kenny Reed show at Hop House; I went. Got there the same time Vicki Stevens did, and she sang many songs. Met Hank's Dad, Bill. Good show. Then I went back and closed my regular Blues Jam bar...Next week, skipped 11-13 Hop House Tuesday because of my Morgellons ankle. 11-14 Wed.s night Diablos Jam was excellent; met another great guitarist, Paul Hobbs; Vicki sang with MT on a few songs, Hank (I nicknamed him "5-Way Combo"; he likes it) and I sat and talked, HE is the Paul Delay fan--I will learn more, MT saved "I Don't Care" for me (again!), and at the end I was the only person there. Again. Wow; nobody knows how good this shit is but me. Then comes Thursday 11-15-07, Blues Jam #47 for me. Started late; the Ducks lost at Thursday night football. No MT, but Mark the Harp played well, and my boy Steve played his 2nd harmonica solo ever--he fucking rocked--everyone agreed. Z-Bass played my 2 songs, I scored 100 mil on broken Nascar pinball, because I am the man; JP watched, and said he'd never seen more passionate pinball...and the next week is short, so that's a Tuesday night Hop House Jam with Z-Bass, Mr. Murphy on drums; 2, count 'em, TWO T-Bones tonight; T-Bone Stone singing and harping, and then T-Bone Weldon also singing and guitaring. Nice. Then we would meet Roger; guitarist/singer of Mr. Murphy's band Two Leg Lucy (aka: Two Leg Russell). Okay. In a completely heterosexual way; I LOVE Roger. He is brilliant; centered, a pinballer and frisbee guy, he knows how to play in a chimney, and he can make a guitar squeal the way I like. I will learn MUCH more about Two Leg Lucy--I haven't even met their killer singer yet!..So I did their You Tube song the next day at work, all while getting ready to go crash Wed.s night at Diablo's. Yes. AND; Z-Bass and JP from my Thursdays were at this Wed.s night Jam. Speaker Monkey with Theo drumming was outrageous! MT's Nobody's Business was the best ever, plus Scratch, Shakey Ground, and so much more. I met sweet dancer Ahlove (and her man Aaron), and dragged 5 or 6 different total people outside with me...Thanksgiving had nothing, so we move to Friday 11-23; saw my first Valley Boys show at Quack Central; JP leads dance-worthy bar covers of my childhood radio songs, and they've been playing together for 25 years. Cool. Then I drove on down to Hop House to see Gayelee R. scream her blues queen prowess to an empty bar; she's the Two Leg singer. She may be a diva, but that girl can fucking sing. I actually like the dark, drunk, empty Blues Jams bars best; I'm weird like that, and I must hear Two Leg Russell do a show (12-1-07?)...And then comes the week that was--ow; if my head didn't hurt already, it would start hurting now: starts with Hop House 11-27; Roger (who knew?) is an old man like me; he's been playing guitar in a band named Famous Faces for 20 years. Wow. And the whole 5 guy band had an accidental reunion tonight, including the drunk drummer drive-through! Smog alert! The details might be slightly incriminating--I will learn more about these Famous Faces after my head stops throbbing. Z-Bass gave me the ONE recording of "Speaker Monkey" from Cozmic Pizza 8-22-06, and I burned 6 copies of it. Per Z-Bass, I am now the official back-up singer on "Tainted Love". This was Steve's birthday, starting at midnight, providing quite the usual hangover for my glorious Wednesday. Fun. Next night is Diablo's--Bassist Todd's going away party; MT and Hank both onstage together. I call it a double harp switch. Hank starts conversations with me outside; he likes my double identity of the loud drunk music fan who sings and yells during songs, and then out in the smoking area I'm (almost) an intelligent comedian with a cool voice. Steve's real birthday night; I met and hugged Goddess of the Underworld; Persephene? Fuck if I know; she works at a coffee shop, and that may explain some things. Where the hell was I? Wednesday; Todd's party, Steve's birthday, Underworld Goddess; this was a pretty good night. My favorite song right now, as if it needed to be noted, is Mike Tracey's "I Don't Care", and I heard it Wednesday with Hank playing drums (!) They played till 1 am, and it's just ME fucking sitting there, ALONE, in the bar--my fucking Blues Jam! Shakey Ground, Scratch My Back, Nobody's Business; and I am STILL the only person who knows how great this is. Drummer Theo is leaving next month, but it's a secret. Shhh. Woke up on the living room floor at 5 am Thursday, so, um--I guess I made it home, and then I actually went to work Thursday. It's a joke job, anyway; fuckers. Thursday night would be Overtime Blues Jam #48 for me; this is Steve's after-birthday party--I dropped a week's supply of gardening on him; he loves me. I dragged a total of 6 people out for walks--I even puked on one walk. Ha. My Nascar pinball is still broken, after my 610 mil slam-fest last week. Speaker Monkey, Good Good Music, and Z-Bass' new art piece is "Red Hot Kisses", which makes me smile and think of my FCP. MT had a Mystery Train, and let ME pick MY time for "I Don't Care". Nice--definitely my favorite song right now. Horn Boy Jeff showed, too. Surprise of this night was Ricky popping out the bluesy "Slow Down" that I know from my Zebra debut album, circa 1983.
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: God is eventually going to answer some of my questions; He doesn't like it when I paint him into a corner...I can bitch-slap the Christians AND the evolutionists in the same sentence; but do I really want to alienate everybody all at once? Hmmm...
What's different here than in college town: Some Chamber of Commerce for a city here put a phone # on the front of one of their pamphlets, and it was (oops) a sex line phone #. Ha...(Restaurant here:) the Deli Llama; that's intellectual duct tape, baby...I drank a total of 2 Mexican Cokes in Athens; but my favorite grocery store, Market of Choice, sells them here, and I'm having my 3rd one this week right now...Tofurky was created by Oregonian Seth Tibbot; it hit store shelves in 1995...My Tillamook cheese is made right up here locally; yay me...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Oregon is trying to pass a cigarette tax to pay for kids insurance; can you believe this shit?..Up in Seattle, 'BioLyle' teaches people how to make bidiesel in their homes for about 50 cents per gallon...Portland TV is doing a new tv show on "This Natural House"; green homes and sustainability like all that cool shit Brad Pitt is doing down in New Orleans...We had our first frosty night; 11-23-07; woo...The same! A new Big 5 Sporting Goods is coming soon next to the closest Market of Choice...Enterprise is also coming
Life with Static Girl: Combined Imperfections; Duct Tape Reality. I am her best friend, best boyfriend, best roommate, best everything in the world for her; ask her...She made these yummy cookie bars; Cookie Bar Girlfriend, then put them in some tupperware with a sticky note that said "Eat Me". Yay. And I'm keeping this post-it note forever!..One night I did laundry, and I only had 3 dirty things left; my girlfriend still has about 20 cubic feet of dirty laundry...She and I made the original reference to our relationship as 'good duct tape' together...My girlfriend has taught me to be less confrontational; I would rather avoid the conflicts that naturally flow to me; and that pisses me off--especially when I've been wronged, but it HAS saved me some jail time (yay), and probably also saved me from a couple of ass-kickings...Okay, okay; my girlfriend is the smart one. Girlfriend rolls her eyes at me big time when I start talking about perpetual motion, and how easy it would be to do--so many different ways. This is one of our last arguments here--I relish it. She says that magnets wear out, and that 'DaVinci couldn't do perpetual motion', and I say 'Joe Newman already did perpetual motion, and then had to sue the patent office back in 1984'. And; um, when, exactly, do magnets wear out? This is pure, multi-tiered disagreement. And, so, I remind her that, on paper, baby, um, a helicopter CANNOT actually fly. See? She says 'there are LAWS'; then I say 'and there are loopholes'. On the RARE occaisions I can get her to talk--this is how we argue; while smiling, and holding hands. This "conversation" was during a lovely walk, and we also saw a beautiful Heron by the river...'Got a Cookie Bar Girlfriend'; she leaves notes thanking me for stuff, and I leave her notes with um, easy words purposely misspelled. Yes; "purposely"...My girlfriend smells pretty! And all she wears is yummy hand lotion, that's it! No body spray, no parfum de toilet, nothing else. My girlfriend rules! Other women smell, well, nasty. Sucks to be you; or more likely, sucks to be the guy pretending to like you...Rift wants to save all life, even the mosquitos and little sink bugs that drive me crazy; however, the line is drawn at "mold". She wants mold to die. See; and I thought mold was good. I have questions. Okay...Presents from 3 stores; along with a Cure CD from CDWorld, I also brought her new green socks, and some more organic ketchup, all on the same night. This just in; I am the best boyfriend ever...How much sign language do I have to learn before I am officially learning sign language? Cussing, and gutter coments? I doubt my girlfriend is going to teach me sign-cussing, or sign-smack talk; so apparently I am NOT learning sign language--never mind...She is my anchor; I am her loosely attached boat far away (or--even better--her 'Freak on a Leash')...Girlfriend found 2 comics to cut out this month and add to the fridge; one where Bucky Katt says 'I think, therefore I am annoyed.', and another Bizzarro single panel...Girlfriend is very good at running out of quarters; so then I get to pretend like I am her knight in shining armor--rescuing her with a fresh roll of quarters, and the little victory dance I do; woo...More cookie bars; these things are the dessert equivalent of my Killer Vegan Pizzas; and that's a brand new edible simile--you're welcome! Wait, no; I wasn't done--nice job with 'edible simile', though. I called her cookie bars "Mouth Sex" because they were SO good--and she was actually impressed by that. I wonder how you say Mouth Sex in sign language; see? Loops and layers, baby...I am not allowed to talk about sex, so let's talk foreplay! When I wash dishes, you know, make the sink clean--oh yeah, she likes that; that's a real warm-up right there. Maybe you GUYS should pay attention to that. One big hug, boom, and then we're under the covers--trying not to shiver; you have to respect that 'no wasted time on stupid foreplay' scenario. I am a very lucky man...More from the world of Cookie Bars--perhaps you have heard of her already legendary treats! Saturday, 11-24-07, we ate some from a new batch. I said they were warm, soft and yummy--like her ass! At which point she smiled, and then left the room. That's what she does. My girlfriend!..Occaisionally she is also Bucky Katt; "annoypid" is a pretty good word, which is funny, because (like Satchel) I also enjoy making up words--and that does drive her crazy sometimes...I did a post-it note simile of how our relationship is like my prettiest green + purple shirt; it works amazingly well--even though you might not think so at first. I read it to her, and she smiled. Yay...
My FCP has this for me: Improvised Intimacy; the one that got away; what is and what should never be; on her plateaus I play; I'll stop now...My girl is slowly recovering from her surgery; she gets to use the time to slow down and reflect on her place in reality. (This is what I SHOULD have done when my ankle went weak; instead I chose to drink, scream, and go to as many Blues Jams as possible.)...Whoa; and then my crippled FCP is out cleaning coyote skins, against my advice--but what a woman she is!..I have visions of her creatively burping; very nice. Never mind the Art Puddles and Snooze Button Loops--that's just crazy talk...Oh my God! I have recently been able to rechannel the wondrous mental playground she brings me to; many different days this month! The e-mails we trade are high quality--even by our own upper standards! She and I have this amazing ability to channel our own intellectual fitness during the typing of things to each other; and NO, I will NOT elaborate further--because you idiots would never understand anyway...Thoughts of my FCP run in my head on different loops; some are frequent, and some are not. What is that; a snooze button on a carousel running in one of many crossing orbits, all bumping pallets and trading cargo? That's a quadruple string simile--you're welcome!..And then she sent me a couple of new pictures of herself; looking as good as 14 years ago, or maybe better than ever! I stare at them; she stares back, too. I burn them into my mental hard drive, and reference them often. Sometimes it's not even dirty, but usually it is. And I don't think she minds at all. In fact, both of my exquisite female companions absolutely approve of my familiar lust being directed at its original target--consistency (or constancy) is preferable to a new toxic crush. Now I understand. Stew on that while I giggle and read about the new STD's and the poison babies they create...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: 5 million Jenos and Totinos frozen pizzas are being recalled for e-coli; cooool...We found a solar system, right next door to us (41 million light years away), and there's a planet in the "life zone" (water is possible); this planet (55 Cancri) is 45X the size of earth, with proportional moons. Easily the greatest scientific discovery ever made; yawn...6th Grade Math teacher Kelsey Peterson, 25, kidnapped a 13 yr. old male student who she was already "dating", and these 2 ran away from Lexington, Nebraska together. I couldn't make up shit this good...Better? WHAT; exactly, could be better than that? Oh yeah--you're right: "Aqua Dots". It's art for kids; colored beads that stick together and make little pictures. Of course some of the beads are going to be eaten by the kids--that's what we do. Get this; when the beads are eaten, in your tummy, the adhesive becomes GHB--the date rape drug! Some kids have already died, and other kids are in comas because of these Aqua Dots. Wow--this completely proves "criminal intent" on the part of the toymaker; right? I have got to get me some of these fucking Aqua Dots--before they get pulled from shelves! I could sell them to my little friends. "C'mere; let me tell something to you."...Peacefully protesting Veterans were arrested on Veterans Day; those fucking cops are lucky I was not physically present to stop that bullshit. In Veterans vs. Cops; I have no use for cops. My apologies to the badge boys...Jack Murtha is one of the first to completely defy Prez. Boosh, by asking 'You believe what the Pentagon says? All they've done is lie to us!' Go Jack!..20 companies are being sued for Chinese lead in their toys; nice. 1 in 10 Chinese kids already has lead poisoning. 13% of all adopted Chinese kids already have lead posoning. I sensed this trend years ago. WHO the F is adopting Chinese kids?..Aqua Dots still have ads in the paper; Black Friday ads at We B Toys have those recalled GHB Dance Dots on sale for $20. Yum yum yum; gonna get me some. It'll be like GIVING candy to a baby...Business Section Headline on 11-30-07: "Billions wasted by Medicare". Ha.
A thought to take with you: "I'm a pompous little antichrist who will probably abandon my plans for world domination when I grow up and fall in love with a rough trick named Jim."--Brian imitates Stewie on Family Guy #36. Yes; it's 6 years old--so what? That is some funny shit.
Bumper Sticker on Z-Bass' truck: "Save The Trees; Cut The Bushes"
Band names: Baked Potatos, Electric Hot Sauce, Boney Brats, Edible Simile (Mouth Sex, and Killer Vegan Pizza, too), Fuel Supplement, FDS Rejects, Art Puddles, Snooze Button Loops, Selfish Miso, "Presidency of Loopholes" (Keith on Countdown), "How To Promote Your Show" band that played here this month, "Alien Armada" (Red Meat comic), Trust Fund Anarchists (Patton calls the Eugene college students that), Maria Bamford's Pterodactyl (I've been trying to work that in for 2 months)...It's getting really late into the game to be looking outside your own circle for band names. Record your music, upload it somewhere and share. Temporarily name your band "Players to be Named Later".
Watching: (from my October Sidebar 102:) "Yes; my Patriots look incredible again, and for the 4th time in 6 years I am predicting they will go undefeated." Did you see my Patriots lose that Ravens game twice, only to have the refs give it back to them? I LOVE the Patriots; THAT was their ONE bad game. Game 16; Pats/Giants will be/was on at least 3 channels...Did you see Keith prove that Pres. Boosh is a complete liar, joke, and insult to our once-great nation? "Bushed"; I love Keith--he's on the Simpsons, and mentioned in comic strips. He is no longer "alternative"...Robot Chicken just gets funnier--I will catch all of them eventually; have you seen the Foo Fighters on it yet?..Henry Rollins on IFC rocks! Janeane Garofalo's Disquisition is fantastic!..Saw some Robyn Hitchcock on Sundance, and Herbie Hancock on Showtime...Did my PTI show just get voted the most-watched show in cable history? I guess it's no longer "alternative" either. (Sigh) Soon I may have to go find "fresh" news and sports shows...Watched the Showtime Kathy Griffin special...In 2008, there will be new UFO Hunters on History Channel--I can't wait!..
Class Projects: From Sundance channel, I recorded Slaughterhouse 5, and Static Girl and I watched it while eating one of my Killer Vegan Pizzas...Alone I watched this movie "Young Girls Do"; I mean, who wouldn't? It was horrible...Kill Bill Vol. 2 was adequate, I guess...Camera Eye loaned me Tarantino's "Four Rooms" from, 1995? A good distraction flick..."2001 Maniacs" had potential, then fizzled...I'll eventually have to see (rent) Portland film guy Todd Haynes' Dylan movie "I'm Not There". Waiting to rent No Country For Old Men, too...End o' month; New Year's Eve my lady and I watched the great animated "Antz" while eating another KVP...
Watching and Hearing: (From the 4 hours of Running Down A Dream:) Tom Petty's "The Last DJ", is done with Jeff Lynne? Nice; and now those combined T P/ELO sounds of 'Face in the Crowd', 'Freefalling', and 'Won't Back Down' make perfect sense...So I bought the David Gilmour live at Royal Albert Hall ($20) when it came out 3 months ago (9-2007); it's now a rarity, and worth $100. Cool...Saw My Chemical Romance do SNL very well...Previews for this new Resident Evil "Extinction" movie have "I Know It's You" (Crystal Method and Milla herself) as background noise; sweet...I heard that Roger Waters is generating a Broadway show based on "Hey You"--that could be excellent. Does Geldoff have a son who could play 'Pink' 27 years later; like Jason Bonham played/will play for Led Zeppelin? See--I'm thinking ahead here...Free in a Monster commercial; Air Supply in a burger spot, old Genesis in a GMC commercial...
Hearing: Z-Bass' Cozmic Pizza recording, and Z-Bass also turned me on to Buck Nakid and the Bare-Bottomed Boys (quality rock-a-billy), these NIN Year Zero remixes keep getting played over and over, then we cross-train with GLU's "Empty"; wait a sec--Rod Argent was also in the Zombies? She's Not There. I knew that; Hold your head up...New Christmas music I MUST get: "Slow Jams For Christmas" (oh, fuck yes)...Hey; look what I came up with: Dave Grohl is the new Phil Collins (meant as a compliment), and I like the reincarnation MUCH better!..
What I want today: This 3-week headache is starting to piss me off. But if it goes away I will probably miss it; so I don't know exactly what I want to do with this headache. Fuck...Um, I guess I'd like some fake pee to pass the upcoming piss test for new employment...
New stuff this month or so: 12-2, Sunday, driving hungover in the rain with 50 mph crosswinds, and free-standing 4-inch pools of water (with 5-second hydroplanes) on the highway was exciting--it made driving fun again! I got out and kissed the parking lot at work; ha...Reno says if you can't find a CD, go to Atlanticsounds.com and they have everything...There is a "Red Bud Road" in Barefoot Bay, Florida. 2 words: "Road Trip"...Did I see a self-tuning guitar on tv? What fun is that?..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): I ain't seen shit; did we even do any bargain hunting in December, or was it all Market of Choice and Big 5? What was at Big Lots; some video game thing? My head still hurts.
Occupational Hazards: 12-2, Took my NIN "Beside You" DVD to go workout to, and that's when I learned you need a manager's code to activate the televisual peripherals. Great. But the CD player still runs regular, okay. So...12-4, I took my GLU "Empty" CD to workout to, but the massage lady was there--and there would be no extra-cirricular entertainment. The Gym Lord whispered to me that 'Sunday is your only day to play DJ, dude.' (to be tested later)...Camera Eye says this thing; "My give-a-damn's busted", ha...Starting 12-3, there's all this new drama; sex rumors, harrassments filed, notices given, etc. In a lighter moment, my co-workers were discussing sex rumors, and asked me 'What if you wound up in a sex rumor with 3XD?' I said "Hmmm. Yeah, I hit that. It was pretty good; I'm gonna hit it again, too!" They all laughed, especially 3XD, and said 'WC, that's why you'll never be in a sex rumor--rather than be upset, you'd celebrate it'...12-6, what a day; it starts with my recollection; '7 beers, 3 hours of sleep, crying in the shower, puking while I brush my teeth; this is a business as usual, Thursday morning hangover for me'. Then we were forced to stay an hour late on Thursday; and after my "experience" on Thurs. 12-6, I won't be going to work coherent ever again, mutherfucker. It's too bad that my Supervisor chose his battle. So now; should I trash the fucking hotel room, or just leave it? Stay tuned--this is only going to get more entertaining...My former at-work girlfriend is trying to make me jealous by flirting with Double Door--a married guy; it makes me giggle...Dr. um, S, who sits near me, gave me a mood-enhancer when I was all pissy one day; I love her...We were told on 12-13 that our department is being dissolved; great...At work I ate a Philly Cheesesteak with no meat; I am cool...My co-workers say I need new clothes; my old baggie clothes make me look like a homeless guy. I'm pretty sure that originated as a compliment, but you can see how it Uncle Fester-ed there...The kids say 'my mouse is broken'. Hmmm; I have so many comments to make--we'll go with 'come and lick-fix my mouse, baby'...12-30, Sunday, back from Christmas, and going to workout to Crumb's "Romance is a Slowdance". I played it so loud that 2 Supervisors came up to tell me to turn it off. Yeah; well, I turned it down a little. That's my first filed noise complaint! Fuck them, and fuck you. Didn't I get fired yet? What is wrong with those idiots?..So; Sunday 12-30-07 was our last day in the old department. I walked out with Barbie, got her e-mail, and grabbed her ass again. The Disbanded Devil's Rejects are to be dispersed among the Call Center Sheep on 1-2-08; pray for those poor sheep. I am gonna have to fuck me some lambchops, baby.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: So, after driving to work, and home, through hydroplane pools and the crosswinds on 12-2, terrified + trembling; I figured we should go downtown and drink. Sure; it even makes sense now. It will be justified with a new pinball high score; enter my new 358 million (old high score was only 193) on the difficult (but now completed) Jackalope Pirates; thank you. It was Steely Dan and Rush night on the jukebox--that helped. Also sliced my right thumb open on uh, something...The beeping continues--it never stops; same with the squeaking, humming, buzzing, and the ocean roaring. I am always hearing things--no silence for me to enjoy. If I have just a few seconds of quiet, Maria Bamford's Pterodactyl screams at me. Sometimes it sounds like the Kraken from Pirates' pinball. And THEN I still have my internal Ollie Sacks' jukebox going--thank you...Later this week, on Weds. at Diablo's, my first ball of their easy Pirates pinball had 251 million and 2 extra balls waiting; I walked away because my right wrist was already aching--I don't have to prove anything else on that piece of shit. Oh; and my old dealer bitch was there; she still owes me at least $100, and I was nice to her--that fucking cunt. I'll choke the bitch, eventually; carve her fingers into bong hits, chew on her skull, and fuck her dead, twitching corpse. Then I'll cook, and eat whatever is left; yes--definitely, but I'm NOT getting kicked out of a Blues Jam for her...I made a drinking glass out of a salsa jar. It was pretty good; I'm gonna do it again, too. Celebrate this!..From the 2005 car wreck, I had some mobility problems with my right shoulder. They went away; yay, but now they are back--stronger than ever. I love my X-Files body. "Bionic"; sorry Barbie...Had to create a new (6th) hole on my black belt for all my loose clothing, me so homeless, and we moved to the 3RD belt loop of the brown belt--the same brown belt that did NOT fit back in 2003...I've got to keep visualizing muscles loosening and relaxing. Panic stress and futile thoughts accomplish nothing...First missed flight in Denver; first comp'd hotel room, and excellent airline employees in 2 cities...Back from Christmas eating and limited exercise; I weigh 200.1. So I gained 5 lbs. in 8 days? Five Eight? I can handle that...
New foods this month: Maybe an ex-dealer bitch? No; just kidding. Maybe. There's a new flavor of regular Kettle Chips; Island Jerk (yum), don't rush me; I'm already on my 3rd bag of their Chili Lime tortilla chips. They go quite well with Newman's salsa..So I got some of the nice organic broccoli at M o C, steamed it up brilliantly; Static Girl called it the BEST ever, then we made a rice pot from the leftover broccoli water. I am a fucking genius...Girlfriend made another batch of cookie bars--more like cookie cakes this time; very nice--I do like the bars better though...The Rogue Dead Guy Ale has a funky Winter Santa's Private Reserve Brew; it is a dark and stormy night. Oregon Brewed Dead Dude, baby. I'll be cheap-drinking back into the Henry Weinhard stuff again next...Had my first onion rings in Oregon; yum...I like burritos; I ate 10 burritos in 30 hours; never mind...Blue Sky soda; it's premium hippie soda fortified with vitamins and shit. Yum...We have graduated from the beginner's level of pizza-making. ONE of the secrets is shredded celery--a beginner would not know that...Food in this house is going way natural now; lemons, apples, avocados, etc., all thanks to my new book...Food? Toothpaste? Fuck you. So I changed over to Tom's of Maine Wintermint, and I top it off with a dusting of baking soda; these are the only teeth I've got, and they have served me well. They deserve some pampering...Soap is food? Not really, but girlfriend is using these new huge "Kiss My Face" Hippie Green Soap Bricks; so big that I have to cut them in half for her. More new soap products next month...
This month of Blues Jamming: Party like there is no tomorrow--the Overnight Guy told you that; yes, apparently I puked twice during the 11-30-07 Blues Jam. I remember once...12-1-07 Sat., we went to the Hop House to see Gayelee, Roger, Shawn and Trey--of 3 or 4 different band names; (Gayelee wrote "Thanks Eugene") I shared party supplies, threw frisbees at them, talked them up like a promoter, and took pages of notes. Then it's a Blues break till 12-4 Tuesday, back at the Hop House with Roger getting top billing (woo). Learning more, Roger is 1 of 4 guitar hero brothers, they've played here for 25 years. Wed.s 12-5 back at Diablo's; huge show. MT saved I Don't Care for me again (Hank drums!), met DJ Gollum, saw a former co-worker who now promotes bands--introduced her to Hank, Bill, Almond, + Steve. (yo, where's Theo?) Thurs. 12-6 is Blues Jam #49 for me at Overtime. I was an hour late, and they all said it had been too quiet--I fixed that. My head was already hurting for many reasons, it's been hurting for like 2 weeks now. So we drank, smoked, and yelled; Reno B. and Josh W. showed back up! Josh is the fastest guitarist I've seen--and I've seen a few. Another full stage, 3 R's on guitar, 2 extra Don's (1 drum, 1 sax), Steve got to play 1st set, and was ready to play more harp for me, but never got the chance, and Mike saved I Don't Care for me again (trust me, there IS a plot point coming). After which I yelled "Apparently I'm crying--so I must be having a good time.", and I got to tell Mike I'd be back tomorrow to record his Fri. night gig. Mike promised my birthday combo for the 2nd set (Mystery Train, I Don't Care, and Scratch My Back); nice. So now we know I'm coming back for more. Fri. 12-7, I'm there at 8:30, with no promotion there were only a handful of folks for Mike's big show. Skip + Byron, Pete the Beat, and Stan on guitar. Jeezus. So I'm not recording the first set, duh, but Mike gets the wild hair and rips into I Don't Care. Boo; I missed the first 30 seconds of it. But it was a great show; Z-Bass and Reno showed, Vicki even came and sang!, and we all had fun. Except for I Don't Care, it was a brilliant night of music. Quite the first week of December, bitches...Took a few days off; Hop House Tuesday Jam got cancelled forever--oops. On Wednesday I missed seeing Gayelee sing at Diablo's--that would have been good. 12-13-07 was Blues Jam #50 for me; it signifies my 1-Year anniversary of Thursday nights at the Overtime Tavern; cool (I only missed 2 in 52 weeks)...12-14-07 Friday started with Hop House; Johnny Wilde guitar/singer with Buff Jeff on bass and Pete the Beat on drums. Decent, but Steve and I headed for Overtime. Good move; it's Skip's show, with Byron on bass, Stan Welch on guitar, Theo drumming, bass Todd was also there--we said g'bye to him last month, right? Wow. Tomorrow is Theo's last show here; so that's Sat. night 12-15-07 at Mac's to see Henry Cooper, with Skip, Byron and Theo; incredible. They rocked Mac's Blues venue, then we closed the Overtime again (then Sunday made 4 nights in a row, thank you)...After the week off for Christmas, and much contemplation, um, more later.
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I think God has stepped back into observer mode for our current earth crises. I think God is also surprised that we have lasted this long.
What's different here than in college town: There was a recliner chair out on the edge of a yard, and it had a sign on it that said "free to a good home"; ha...Oregon State Tax checks already came back; woo...Lee Trippett invented the "Swinging Wonder" back in 1967; play w
SIDEBAR 105
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008
(it probably won't be the FINAL new year, but it might be, so fuck you)
January 2008
(...last month we were...)
Reading: The FOE website, where he says that there is no more art. And he is correct; what with all the selfish, greedy little dropouts doing the Starbucks-stare at their ipodly camera web phones--who the fuck has inclination to paint, draw and write for free anymore?
Heard about this book "Musicophilia" by Oliver Sacks; he concludes that music alone can completely alter your perspective, positively, and even change you. Yeah; the same shit that I've been saying for 30 years--but thanks Ollie. O-Sack cites one good example where a non-music guy got struck by lightning, and then he started composing symphonies--now that's fucking cool. Music IS Magic, by the way.
Big thanks to Static Parents over Christmas: They got me the "Cure The Incurable" book writ by Mikhail Tomback. This is proof of just about every medical and pharmaceutical conspiracy in existence. My diet, exercise program, and attitude are all about to transform.
End o'month, airport fodder; I saw an "Oprah" magazine. I WAS going to open it and read some of it, but then I saw on the cover: "How Not To Look Old". Okay; split infinitives are tricky--I'll grant you that. But avoidance in THIS case is wrong, and it's on the cover of a magazine. It's a fucking womens' magazine; why wasn't 'How to look younger' an option?..
We traded in 8 HBO's ($15), for (the same $15) a handful of Showtimes, 2 TMC's, and the Sundance Channel. We made the right call...
New on the radio; Not new, but from non-profit radio; "The Breeze" is a J. J. Cole song--now you know. Not new, but nice: "House of Blues" is an hour with Elwood Blues (Dan Ackroyd) on Sunday night classic rock stations--check your locals, and demand some Dan...Puddle of Mudd's "Psycho" is okay (good video), Eddie Vedder has a new CD out, Josh Ritter does too, Tom Delonge's punk-poppity Angels & Airwaves sound great. Mudvayne's "Dullboy" is good. Does something sound like new Radiohead? Jeez; I was only gone for a week--wtf happened here?..
Musical Purchases this month: Got (Portland Blues) Paul Delay's 2001 release, "Heavy Rotation" (2 copies of it now, thanks Static Brother); very nice. I see where Hank S. was influenced...So I bought the Angels & Airwaves 2006 "We Don't Need To Whisper" CD with my 3rd full CDWorld stamp book--very good, but not their newest...Dad got me the Layla CD by Derek and the Dominos; circa 1970...
Out and About: Obscure Modest Mouse AND obscure Beck at Wetlands, while trashing Monster Bash pinball. And some great live blues recording at Jackalope while stomping on their Pirates pinball. And Christmas music everywhere.
Singing: GLU's "All Wrong" and "No More Love", a Peter Gabriel montage (6 songs, maybe 7), NIN's "Right Where It Belongs", "Creep"--Radiohead, "Flagpole Sitta"--Harvey Danger, "Baby Love"--Mother's Finest, "Mr. Blue Sky"--ELO, "Spanked"--Van Halen, "Can't You Trip Like I Do"--Filter does Crystal Method, Better Than Ezra's "Good", "Emminence Front"--the Who, MANY Tom Petty/Jeff Lynne songs,