(...last month we were...)
Reading: Hard to stay focused on reading shit, with my lack of ability to concentrate and all...Ooo; multiple bold print type-o's on page 2 of the 6-23-08 newspaper...
Watching: G4 is the channel where I found the "King of Kong" movie.
Class Projects: Showtime's "Maxed Out"--the credit fiasco...4 hours of Andromeda Strain was pretty good...New Dr. Who is still amazing..."Crude Impact" (oil dependency) on Sundance, and "The Great Warming" on Sundance, narrated by Keanu and Alanis...
Shit I watch alone: "King of Kong; Fistful of Quarters" (A); very good stuff...Dot.Kill (C-)...Sarah Silverman's "Jesus is Magic" was great, and semi-disturbing--like an old SNL...cable horror B-movies "Living Death", "The Butcher" and "The Woods" (I should be making movies), 1996's "Riot" (good), "The Descent" and "The Alien Within" were jokes, "American Psycho 2" with MY Mila Kunis (yum-baby, and the movie was okay, too), 2006's "Incubus" and 2000's "Rated X" were okay, 1995's "Out There" movie had good social commentary, and became the future title of Richard and Kate's tv show (no longer available here in big O)...1983's "Chained Heat" (topless Linda Blair), 1997's "City of Industry" (topless Lucy Liu), Weeds came back 6-16-08, .
Rentables: Having watched Jeff Dunham's "Spark of Insanity", and as we wait for the new special that he recorded THIS month (6-2008), I rented the Jeff Dunham "Arguing With Myself"--excellent!..Re-watched my "House of 1000 Corpses", because it's possibly the most ambitious horror movie ever made (part 2, The Devil's Rejects, was also good; God bless Rob Zombie)...
Watching and Hearing: TV commercials are bastardizing all the music of my childhood--just like my Dad said it would...Okay; are there going to be THREE new flavors of Mountain Dew? That's kind of exciting...
Hearing: Tons of NIN; how would we get Trent, Scott and Ken (NIN and Crystal Method) together for some brainstorming?..Garbage, Pumpkins, Knapsack, The Ty Curtis Band's "Stubborn Mind" (new music coming soon), Orbit (MY FCP/LDG), More Pure 80's, Slowburn Blues, The Best Blues Album in the World Ever, and new Weezer everyday! I will have to report on the Offspring and Filter next month, or add-ins next week.
New on the radio; New Offspring came out on 6-17-08...It would be fun, someday, to say "ME! ME ME ME ME ME; I am BACK on the air--kiss my hairy White ass! Hide your porn and your pets! This is not a test! This is a live feed from a cereal killer's crawl space, and this will not end well! Ha-haaaaaaa! Smell my finger!" Man; can you believe they kicked me OFF the radio 10 years ago? Well; they HAD to. Otherwise I would've taken over.
Musical Purchases this month: From the Tom Tucker bargain wall at CDWorld, Filter's "Title of Record"...Then after winning $70 at poker, that became the new extended Weezer disc (excellent, check out track 5; 'Dangerous'), new Offspring, used "Short Bus" Filter, used "Amalgamut" Filter, and wound up with multiple "Title of Record" Filters (apparently I am the biggest Richard Patrick fan ever), and a present for my LDG...$40 more at poker is the NEW Filter CD (Hi again, Richard), and...my head hurts.
Out and About: DJ barkeep has been playing the band Clutch for me, as well as Mendoza...Fred Meyer had a Bruce Hornsby day...Counting Crows, Rolling Stones, and Natalie Merchant at Dollar Tree...
Singing: "Time Warp"--Rocky Horror, "Zombie"--Cranberries, "Jam on It"--Newcleus, "Find Your Way Back"--Starship, "Lioness"--Caviar, "How Long"--Hank Shreve, it is hard to remember any of the shit I sing on a daily basis. Be glad you cannot hear my internal jukebox. Ow, my head.
What I want today: I want to discover the secret to sustainable income, but not from enduring employment. Fuck that. I want an 80-gallon trash bag full of weed, and clones of my girlfriend and FCP to lick everyday. And an air-conditioner!
New stuff this month or so: Joke-Writing 101; I've been showing novices how to write/add to, and follow up jokes at my bar. Joke-Writing 101's first exercise: "Tonight I'm going to get trashed (like?)--like a college dorm dumpster baby."...Space Cadet pinball is now (sort of) on my computer, sometimes (10 mil)...My beautiful 25-inch tv is slowly dying. Send $!..For consumers: Watch how popular bicycles with electric motor assistance (whizzers) become, as well as scooters, motorcycles and moto-cars (2-seater tiny cars built around motorcycle engines), as gas goes past $5 a gallon. For commerce: multiple rail systems (electric, steam, etc.) will be updated. This is not rocket science; this is American, can-do, ingenuity...X-Files movie comes out July 25th!..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Dollar Tree takes food stamps; who knew? Candles, mouthwash, hot sauce + incense from Dollar Tree...My old Cash King is now going to be a mini pet-mart.
Occupational Hazards: Ha! Oh wait--you're serious. Never mind.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: My back pops like popcorn when I stretch it sometimes; it scares people...'Catch more bees with honey than vinegar'? Maybe YOU can, but I cannot. I try to be nice to people, but people are just confrontational fucks. As soon as I sense uncooperation from now on, I am going to cut loose. Must remember; I get mine up front...Made in China, my pretty Crater Lake coffee mug died in a dishwasher accident. I'll find another mug made in the USA...New bar; the Black Forest, (2nd game) 422 million on their Pirates pinball--#3 score. Pinball bartender Jason described me as an "obnoxiously good pinball player"...Finished my return commentary to Susan Jacoby on Arrogant Apathy (look for it on this webpage, somewhere)...At my bar, 145 mil on Nascar pinball with a weak (barely fucking flipping) right flipper. 145 mil; you don't know anybody who else who could even get 100 mil on that game right now. Days later, ORB turned the machine off because the right flipper is so difficult. ORB turned the fucker OFF! I turned it back on and got the new 146 mil high score--weak flipper and all. Ha. Medieval Madness is late to my bar...My hybrid survey (May 2008 Survey) from that survey site is okay, but I need to make my own fucking survey...Over 2 days, I won $70 playing poker (it's about time)...Medieval Madness pinball showed up on 6-20. On 6-28 I got the new 547 mil high score, then won $40 playing poker. It's been a decent month.
New foods this month: Cheap; affordable. Fake chicken burgers, and those yummy fake ribs (I am quite impressed). Hot sauce can fix almost anything...Multiple batches of Static Girl lentil soup, and more cookie bars. Yum...She made crispy tofu square thingies; I liked 'em...Celery helps so many dishes (shredded green crunch)--like my new intact Rigatoni. The Rigatoni gets better with each batch..I created 'tempeh skillets', and they are excellent...From Fred Meyer, the Kroger garlic powder seasoning "California style" is amazing...Why haven't I made my own salsa yet? Scratch that; Bullet salsa is good, and HOT!..Buffalo Bleu Kettle Chips...Girlfriend's Garbanzo/Olive hummus is Yummus!..The chili garlic paste is crying hot; it's made by that same Rooster company in CA...
This month of Blues Jamming: 6-5; quiet Blues Jam w/no MT, and no explanation why. No Wolfgang either--it was quiet!..6-11; went to Wed.s night at Diablos to see MT and the Downtown band. Band was good, but MT never showed...6-12; inside at my bar. MT showed and played some of my songs--no Wolfgang. Warm-up was the new barmaid song--nice!..6-13; Tony Rae's (+ Common Ground) first full gig at my bar; they sounded great. 6-14; The Ty Curtis Band (Google this 21 yr. old prodigy) rocked another close-by bar. I partied with the bar owners, and yelled like a maniac; we all had fun. 6-19; Blues Jam inside; MT, and a full arsenal. A 4-set masterpiece, with Axel in control. 6-26; MT was not only there, but also running the sound for the night. I was trashed early; gee, imagine, but it was gooood...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: the bible said to serve your family and country, right? But if your country's military (service) is being "used" in an illegal and murderous war, then why would I serve my country? I don't want a family either; so now I have nothing to serve but (God and) myself. And if I live under the reign of a God-less government, then I have a RIGHT to be torn and confused. And; God has some explaining to do; sorry about that, God, but this is YOUR deal. 'Fess up, and show us some wrath...
What's different here than in college town: Peaceful protestors are getting tazered (?) for no good reason; that wouldn't happen in the Classic City...We have a 24 yr. old female substitute teacher who rapes and sodomizes middle school boys; imagine if it was a guy raping and butt-fucking 12 yr. old girls...Kroger groceries are popular in Georgia; I wrote a song about shopping at Kroger (Roll Start) when I lived there. Fred Meyer grocery stores (part of Kroger) is a Portland-based business. Now you know. We have a Fred Meyer within walking distance...UGA advances to, then loses the final game of the college World Series; congrads to Fresno State, they are our Dawg cousins, and they were the best team this year!..Instead of gas-hog mowers clearing weeds beside the highways, Oregon utilizes herds of goats to EAT the weeds. Farmers get paid, goats get full, and highways stay mowed. We are fucking geniuses up here!
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: We have this salmonella scare in our tomatos; yawn...For our Olympic Trials, we have the Track Town Power Station--with 14 stationary bikes generating energy. The kids get a good lesson...We have an annual World Nude Bike Ride up here, and the promotion is: "Less Gas; More Ass". I like that...
Life with Static Girl: Static Girl says we need bikes for that nude bike ride, but that a nude bike ride sounds very painful. After consideration, I do agree...Twitcharoo and Booberry, The Hungry Hungry Hippos, are now the Happy Hippie Piggies...She's had months to get 4 million on her Space Cadet pinball. I got 6 million on my first night, maybe 5 games in or so. Later I got 10 mil. Yawn...She says I am so deaf that I should learn how to read lips. Huh?..Nobody will understand this: we went 9 days straight without the phone ringing in this house. I call that a victory... You may refer to my excellent girlfriend as "The Shadow"...She'll say it's dumb, but I say it's romantic; I like to lay beside her, facing her, and close my eyes. Then I open my eyes, and SHE is the first thing I see. Yum. Life is good...On my computer screen, she is the post-it note that says "EAT ME!"...I'm over here, trying to play some good songs that my girlfriend will enjoy. Unknown to me, my music has already upset her, and she has shut her door. I've got 6 crates of CD's scattered about, a Depeche Mode tribute ready/hours of music planned; but, this conversation was over before it even began. Damn...She has argued with me for YEARS that I should not drain cans of beans before cooking with them. Evidently (her word), she has become enlightened to the dangers of industrial canning, and she AGREES with me on bean-rinsing now--she even said 'You were right.' to me. Wow...She cannot project what she will want to eat when she gets hungry again--she can only think of food as one current application at a time. She likes it when I just 'cook stuff', and she doesn't have to be involved. She would choose to NOT eat food if it were possible--"eating" is way too much effort. Wow...I asked if she made her garbanzo/olive hummus in my Magic Bullet, and she replied that she doesn't know how to use my Bullet. I would show her--I would even dance for her...Communication: "At some point." When she says this, she is acknowledging that something must be done about a current situation, soon, but certainly not yet...I left her a sweetie note that said "I Like You", and she wrote back on it "Oh Good!". I am sensing sarcasm: "Sarcastic Static"...After I made some strange stains in a bathroom sink (don't ask), she cleaned them, and then left me a reminder note about how baking soda cleans up almost everything...from the 2nd part of the 'Library' Dr. Who (pure brilliance--by the way), Donna dreams up a lover who is gorgeous, adores her, and can hardly speak. Well; MY Static Girl is gorgeous, she doesn't really adore me--more like "tolerates" me, and she hardly speaks. I'm seeing direct parallels here. Even Joel Mchale said something on The Soup about some strong, silent woman being perfect. Okay, okay, I'll stop now--it loses effect when I have to explain things...
My FCP has this for me: My long devious grin, my long-distance girlfriend. She knows her role...Supply-Closet Sweetie and Naughty Night Nurse... You may refer to her as "Phantom Angel"...She projects to me streams of thought where steam is caught, as she is the ultimate sampler platter...On my computer screen, she is the purple spaceship sticker...Meant (at least) 3 different ways; I can't wait to play poker with my FCP...She is her own dual identity; The Anonymous Goddess. She should have her own book, movie, and video game about her; you people wouldn't understand...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: President Bushed wants $600 million for police in Iraq, but cuts funding for domestic (USA) police. AND; from Persian Gulf countries (Iran/Iraq/Saudi Arabia), the total amount of oil the US imports is 16% of what we use (Etherzone). That's all; 16%. Not even 1/6 of our total usage. Why do we even get involved with those sand crabs? Is it really all just fear-mongerring the Idol-gazing sheeple?..New Hampshire has legalized industrial hemp; yay...800 million people on earth are hungry; 1 billion people are overweight...73% of Black/White relationships (census 2000) are Black man/White woman (I thought it was 90%)...(from Yahoo) Scientists create mutant mosquitoes in bid to wipe out malaria (what crisis?)...In the midwest, with all the flooding and weather devastation, White people are banding together/working together, helping each other, and fixing everything. They are NOT standing around on rooftops with signs that say "Help Us", and screaming that 'George Bush doesn't like White people!'. Have you noticed this?..6-18; a crop circle found near Barbury Castle includes the first 10 digits of Pi; yawn...
A thought to take with you: "My idea of 'dressed up' is a shirt with no writin' on it."--1 of 4 Bikers named Steve, at my bar...Oregon bumper sticker: "Wag More, Bark Less"...
(People bitch about me never having female quotes up here.) "Luck is not chance - It is toil. Fortune's expensive smile is earned."--Emily Dickinson (So; eat me you pampered princesses.)
Band names: Flying Slugs, Frog Fetish, Fast Forward Foreplay, Medicinal Sexercise (FCP), Salmonella Scare, Mutant Mosquitoes, Strange Stains,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I want to get "Defensive Racism" by Edgar Steele. I've been reading him (in many different places) for years.
Watching: Secret Diary of a callgirl w/Billie Piper; yum...A new Gong show with Dave Attell? That could be really good...Michael Ian Black (MIB) is getting "Reality Bites Back" on Comedy Central...On CMT, BIll E's Country Fried Home Videos are excellent (20 years of 'here's your sign')...We are just 2 months away (?) from Dan and Keith together on tv again...Quixtar sponsors Countdown--now you know...
Class Projects: Hellboy from 2004! Babe Selma Blair has wanted me for 10 years--ever since Buffy taught her how to kiss in "Cruel Intentions". (Hmmm; if you were to combine my girlfriend and FCP, the exquisite end-product would look alot like Selma Blair.)...(more from Buffy) "The Grudge" was completely worthless...We watch those VH-1 I Love the New Millennium things; we love all those VH-1 shows...
Watching and Hearing: Oh My God; I watched it happen--at the end of a Daily Show, throwing to the Colbert Report, my favorite band of the 80's--and the first band I ever saw 3 times; RUSH pretended to be Stephen's alarm clock (Now I want MY own show on Comedy Central, too, mutherfucker.). There was some BOC in an Auto Trader commercial, Bowie in a Celebrity Cruise commercial, Repuked Pat Benatar in a United commercial, that "Lazy Eye" song by the Silver Sun Pick Up's (sold out) is also in some new stupid commercial, Pilot in the back of a Pushing Daisies promo, that's Foreigner's "Tramontane" in the Dr. J/Pepper commercial,
Shit I watch alone: 2007's "Freedom Writers" (C), The TV Set (ehhh, C+), the Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back double DVD with all the deleted scenes (B+), Rocky Balboa (B-) was okay, Penn + Teller's "Bullshit" is funny, Weeds, Weeds and more Weeds; every rerun of Rescue Me, ever (God Bless Denis Leary), and those little 9-minute minisodes; "Are You Scared?" (F) had so much potential, "Manufacturing Dissent", "Suicide Kings", during "Pythons 2" I saw a preview for "Anaconda 3"--it's not even worth making jokes anymore...
Hearing: I WANT to hear more Prairie Cartel; that's Blake and Mike of Caviar, and a Scott (Lucas?) from Local H. They're doing electronica, and already have music on this new Grand Theft Auto IV game. With a composition named "Long Nights, Impossible Odds" (Blue Collar Styx), I am intrigued. First listen sounds like Beck meets Caviar and both do bong hits with Crystal Method--nice!..Library computers help me hear all the George Carlin rants...After renting the Cult Singles '84 to '95, I've been hearing tons of Cult on the radio everyday...I rented more Depeche Mode remixes? I already had lots of them--now I have them all!..
From my own collection; the new Offspring rocks! You know how well Offspring can sound; but check out 'change of pace' track 9, "Fix You"...2 Sky Cries Mary discs, Local H from 1996 (friends of Fig Dish), 2 Caviar discs (formerly Fig Dish), George Carlin cassettes, a cassette I made in '99 of singles I like,
New on the radio; Beck's new CD is "Modern Guilt"; I ain't heard shit yet--send money!
Musical Purchases this month: First we'll need some income--send money!
Out and About: Greg Kihn and Dave Matthews at Fred Meyer, Roxette and Argent at Dollar Tree, the Cure at PetSmart, I couldn't hear anything on my 2nd trip to Fred Meyer, because Gus and I (were deaf) had rocked out to the new "Pork and Beans" Weezer single WAY too loud--and then we were singing it to strangers and their children,
Singing: "Love Triangle"--IBM, "Twilight"--U2, "Black Metallic"--Catherine Wheel, "Industrial Disease"--Dire Straits, "The Real Me"--the Who, "The Painter"--Deep Purple, "Seeing Red"--Unwritten Law, "Poundcake"--Van Halen, "Dammit"--Blink 182, "Run Through The Light"--Yes, "Hold Your Head Up"--Argent, "Pork and Beans"--Weezer, "Can't You See"--Marshall Tucker Band, "Seeing Red"--Unwritten Law, "Dream On"--Depeche Mode, "Freak of the Wee"--Marvelous 3,
What I want today: The George Carlin collection "All My Stuff". The Prairie Cartel CD. 1000 lbs. of gold would also be nice, and some silver bullion, too; yeah, another ton of silver...I also want to eat some uncooked hemp seeds...I'd also like to get my dick sucked in 13 different positions per day; but I'll settle for a dozen...
New stuff this month or so: I have seen some amazing shit in the sky lately; lights, lumps, ribbons. I'm almost numb to it...New Mountain Dew is out? 3 of them? I need to do some research on that...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.):
Occupational Hazards: Ha. I may be unemployable. I'm still waiting for Joel McHale, Seth MacFarlane, and Keith Olbermann to call and offer work to me. Seth Green, too.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I become as old as TPG in August (send money)...This just in: women are a fucking joke. I will start oversimplifying their roles for them...My left foot! 7-13-08. Swollen, red and throbbing. I can't sleep like this...After the poker boom, now we are in a poker bust...7-16; starting to walk almost normally again, yay...On a warped Pirates pinball, I scored 177 mil. Then I made it flat--no left lean, but could only get 90 mil. Shit; story of my life...988 mil is my new high score on MM, as of 7-22-08; crowned King of the Realm twice...I have been stupidly communicating with people who are trying to make changes in their lives. I will not be playing fix-it for long, so let's hope these idiots appreciate my attention...SMART OR STOOPID survey; avg 17.8; I scored 22. And in a cartoon character survey, I am Garfield. Now you know...390 million is my #5 score on MM pinball; beat that and be happy. I have no idea what I weigh anymore, but it's under 200. As my left foot and skin rash improve--I feel a bit better...
New foods this month: My brewed green tea is evolving; now I add 1 teabag of spearmint/black/whatever tea to the 4 or 5 bags of green. I want some hemp tea--for the obvious reasons...My fake bacon made an exquisite BLT sammich..."Twilight" is my new Deschutes beer at my regular bar, currently replacing Widmer Bros. Heffeweizen; that's quite a hangover, too. "Summer Solstice" is still my favorite of all the Deschutes brews--but it's hard to find...new? Girlfriend, and the piggies like Gala apples better than red delicious. Okay...Tofurky's Italian Sausage; I love it--it's still a bit too spicy for Static Girl. I added the Italian Sausage to a salad, which kind of makes it like one of those meaty salads, but vegan (I am a genius--thank you)...Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce; the sweet Vidalia onion flavor. You have to add hot sauce to it, but yum!..Fake bacon also goes well on baked potatos--just so you know...I combined chili, a rice pot, and pasta sauce into a big yummy mess...
This month of Blues Jamming: 7-3-08; pre-Independence Day Blues Jam outside; wooo. No MT, but Wolfgang showed. Andrea's birthday--she was so cute. Quite the party; L and her group finally experienced a Blues Jam...7-10; outside, and MT was there to explain to me why he has been elsewhere on Thursdays--he says that I belong at my regular Blues Jam bar. Maybe I will go see MT and Steve play next Saturday. Great show. Women were all over me--but I'm there for the music. Steve Steele harped a whole set...7-17; First recorded Jam outside. Nice big blowout, the 3rd set of Russ on bass, with Slim and Max on guitars was amazing. I woke up at Rachel's house; hello!..7-19-08; MT, Steve A., Theo and Russ played at the closest bar to me--walking distance; nice! Vicki S. showed and sang, too. What an outstanding gig; I will go to many Saturdays there!..7-24-08; I hardly remember much other than people arguing with me about shit. This is MY bar, bitch; you don't argue with me here. Z played one of his new songs; 5 guitarists were there before 8 pm. Wow...7-31 Jam outside; low key, not too crazy, Max wants to start a new band; go Max!
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: "God favors no groups; only religions do."--That is an Oregon bumper sticker, and also is the basis for my personal belief in God, but my lack of allegiance to any bullshit organized religion. Remember; God understands me, and, God usually agrees with me. Perhaps it is YOU who needs to go fuck yourself. I mean, um, perhaps it is YOU who needs more enlightenment..."I wonder if aliens kill each other over religion."--Steve Gibson
What's different here than in college town: Ice Ice Baby: Just below us, at Mt. Shasta, the glaciers there are growing--no other glaciers in America are growing...Oregon business CDBaby (which I have had a link below to since 2004) is now being recognized as a leader of indie music promotion. Good. And I would like to say; better late than never...UGA is the pre-season #1 in college football!
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: "Pedicabs"; neat. Simile to the runner taxis of the Orient; we have 2 companies with large, tricycle cabs that can pedal up to 3 people around...Up in downtown Portland they already have recharging stations for electric cars.
Life with Static Girl: (The IT department) My girlfriend fixed up my computer. It go fast now; varoom...One day, my girlfriend started drinking before I did. Wow; that hasn't happened since '93...It's up to me to suggest activity options. She has a new answer of waving her hand g'bye at me; signifying that she won't be doing said activity, but that it is fine with her if I want to leave the house--for any reason whatsoever...It was so hot here for a few days that Static Girl floated around with almost zero clothing--often; life was good!..My girlfriend has another man, sort of! A pen pal in Canada, and his name is uh, "Penny". She also belongs to a postcard club; good for her...Sometimes she feels "blah", and that's too bad. But "blah" is much better than "ick". If I can get her FROM "ick" TO "blah", then I call that a good day, and my work here is done...According to my artistic Static Girlfriend, mustard is also a dye. Therefore; these new stains on my Jethro Tull shirt are going to be there forever; great...Her 'whole mouth hurts' because she has chewed her lips so much; I though I had a lip-chewing problem...I thought my 9 yr. old keyboard was really dirty and grungy; nasty, even. Then I saw hers. Ewwwwww! I mean, "ick"...She will sometimes watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart; she laughs, even though he cusses almost as much as I do...
My FCP has this for me: She so totally wants me!..She is the holographic "pillar" I need; also sometimes a "pill", other times a "pillow"...She is a secret that is just for me; she is a whisper that only I can hear...She is a living, breathing walking-around-in-front-of-you Shakespearean sonnet of EPIC fucking proportions; and we are all graced by her presence...And did I mention that she's a gorgeous and under-appreciated goddess--worthy of immortality?..I called her a 'Goddess among the weeds'...She has helped me with MUCH writing in July. She mentally motivated another pinball machine from me. We traded packages in snail mail. She even inspired a complete poem, from just a month of random notes. I channel her; she walks and talks with/to/for me. She is my long-distance girlfriend; our e-mails evaporate more passion than most couples have passion in their entire relationships...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Here's one for the masses: Starbucks is cutting 12,000 jobs and closing 600 stores (Hey fuckers; if you can't stay in profit by charging $4 for a cup of coffee, then you need a new business plan--it ain't like you're lacking customers.)...The Roswell rock found in 2004, with the lunar cycles carved in it, made headlines on 7-8-08...Hundeds of people in CA camped out to purchase the new I-Phone on 7-11-08. Aren't people cute?..Last month; did you also hear about some Japanese inventor creating (and patenting) an auto engine that runs on tap water? Why are we still dicking around with oil?..Wachovia just cut 9,000 jobs? Nice...As of July 15, the president can arrest U.S. citizens and legal residents inside the United States and imprison them indefinitely, without charge or trial, based solely on his assertion that they are "enemy combatants." ("Freedom", anyone?)...6-30-08; the World Health Organization claims the U.S. leads the world in use of tobacco, pot, and cocaine...Local company Hynix is closing, and cutting over 1100 jobs; yawn...Former NASA astronaut Dr Edgar Mitchell--a veteran of the Apollo 14 mission--has stunningly claimed aliens do exist. Yawn...Two ragheads with oil money bought New York's Chrysler Building and General Motors Building for $3.7 billion; but GM is still going to cut 15% of their workers...Benigans and Steak + Ale have both filed for bankruptcy...NBA players are leaving America so they can be paid in Euros...
A thought to take with you: "Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits." -George Carlin (RIP)
"Dogs have owners. Cats have a support staff."--(the same) 1 of 4 bikers named Steve at my bar (Steve W).
"...Just as a drug that in the proper dosage can save your life, an overdose of government can be fatal..."--Neal Boortz
(One more time:) "I wonder if aliens kill each other over religion."--Steve Gibson
I haven't done a direct BASH on stupid fucking women in a few months. So here we go: To drive, to operate heavy machinery, to be married, to remodel a house, to drown worms, YES--even to fucking FISH requires a license. And yet, any pre-teen girl who can get knocked up is encouraged to shit out as many kids as her body can produce--with NO partner, NO training/NO education, NO plan, and NO "parenting" license. Ha. I giggle. Women are fun.
Band names: "Crippling Diarreah"--the Daily Show throwing to the Colbert Report, "Fried Aerosol Cheesesticks",
Um, how about a bar name--"The Infirmary". Or a combo bar/hotel called "The Library"? Real bands: "We Have Guns" are a bit tighter than "The Other Trousers".
(...last month we were...)
Reading:
Watching: Have you seen that commercial with the "Shamwow" guy? I like him, and I MUST have a Shamwow...Is Hollywould actually remaking Deathrace 2000? The original was already so bad that it couldn't half-fill a midnight movie theater; what are they thinking?..
Class Projects: She and I watched History Channel's excellent "Qwest For Dragons"...Country Fried Videos are hilarious...CSI's are still good...Star Trek TNG; woo...
Shit I watch alone: topless Ms. Parker on Weeds, "Beyond the Law" (topless Linda Fiorentino), Daniel Craig's Casino Royale, Long Kiss Goodnight (the premise of "Honeymoon" in this 1996 movie IS what happened on 9/11, btw, check it), 1994's Roswell, 2005's Murderball, Graveyard was dumb, the original Diehard; on a whim I pulled out Blue Collar to watch Ron White again,
Olympics: The ENTIRE Norway Women's Soccer team wants me. And I'll polish some Silver with my USA gymnast Shawn Johnson. Gymnasts and soccer girls; yum.
Watching and Hearing: Olympic basketball highlights to Crystal Method's "Keep Hope Alive" (nice), also Linkin Park, and Peter Gabriel; Goo and the Dolls got some actual tv performance time, too...Saw Juliana Hatfield on Leno, and The Hold Steady on Conan; (I am stumped!)--from a movie preview in-store at Blockbuster 2 years ago, and now in the back of a Sprite commercial, that "I'm falling away" thing. I like it, but can't name it. My guess is Coldplay...ZZ Top sells my oil now, the Cars hock blue jeans, the Romantics are selling Jap cars, fake-kitchen-mopping with the Little River Band,
Hearing: School of Fish, Jane Jensen, the Boogie Chillen' CD bartender AL let me copy (hot, and the CD is great, too), Story of the Year, the Spawn sdtrk, many Blues Jam tapes, Jimi Hendrix "Night Life" (thanks Dax V), Extended mixes of The Cure (thanks again, Dax V), Smashing Pumpkins "Zeitgeist" all of my new shit (NIN, "The Slip", track 5, Echoplex, "My voice just echos off these walls."--It will fucking haunt you!)--this ENTIRE month has had NIN as background noise; old, new, remixes, everything. TR is doing everything HIS way now. And; in most of Trent's music there is a taste of either "Down In It", "Closer", or "Right Where It Belongs"; lucky us...
New on the radio; fuck if I know. Wait; there is new Candlebox, of all the crazy ideas--is Kevin Martin still singing for them? Wow; they've been 'not living up to their potential' for even longer than I have...On the new Beck CD, check "Gamma Ray"...NOT on the radio, and WON'T be; new NIN "The Slip"; same for "Ghosts"--no more radio for new Trent music.
Musical Purchases this month: Birthday money could be the new Buddy Guy! It is! And a full stamp book got me the Sixx AM Heroin Diaries. Girlfriend bought me Guilty Beck; girlfriend's parents bought me the new NIN, and some used NIN remixes (TFA) of Fragile stuff from '99 (her parents love me)...
Out and About: Tina Turner at Albertsons; obscure Jimmy Buffet, James Brown and War at Dollar Tree; Simon + Garfunkel and Staind at Fred Meyer (Gus and I were a little deaf again from hearing all of Sixx AM's "Open Your Eyes" on the ride in)
My DJ Bartender keeps my head shaking to Clutch, Mendoza, and new Slipknot. Nice.
Singing: "So Whatcha Want"--Beasties, "Machine Punch Through"--Moist, assorted Van Halen and Meatloaf
What I want today: A big bag of Bliss. No Bliss, but I scored a big bag of Train Wreck...I want a (quotable) Mister Creepo gift certificate for shit like "Barely Legal Lesbian Vampires - The Curse of Ed Wood"...Hot pink; bra, panties, 20 nails, pigtail ribbons, earrings, a necklace, a watch, lip stuff; all pink, all the time, all over me. Call it: "Hot Pink Therapy". Later we'll do it all in red, too, then (all but the lips in) white. Purple waits passionately and patiently (this is an FCP fantasy)...What I want? Now I want a gymnast; with big boobs, and tiny feet--doing the hot pink therapy. Yeah; and then I want a soccer girl with small boobs and strong legs...If I should lose my girlfriend, AND my FCP (unlikely), I will then drop down to dating only married women with linear intent (one-track minds). No blah-blah; no going out in public with them--no investment; just private little "scromp" and suck sessions at MY leisure--then I'll head back to the bar and ignore the snotty single women there. I'm a fucking genius...
New stuff this month or so: Pre-season football, baby!..Hot-assed weather up here; we need rain...Squash from my bar; cucumbers from my neighbor...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): hot sauce, a new Coke glass for my Girl, jalapeno cheez slices, skinny candles, gourmet (?) Teddy's Root Beer from WA,
Occupational Hazards: Ha, again.
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: Single-tasking...I am tired of walking like Dr. House, on my fucked left foot...So I started meditating and massaging; I'll be okay now...Yes; Gus' oil ring tick sound, and my left foot are better...From out of the blue, I connected with an old comedian buddy who might be PP in CA. Never mind...I have no shorts! My one pair of denim shorts has holes where my ass hangs out. Bummer. Guess we'll be heading back to Goodwill, but I did a poker tourney in my 80's purple party shorts...
New foods this month: I made a green bean/cannellini paste to cover potatos and hominy with; yum...Girlfriend made her best batch of "stewp" yet; yum...I made a Summer Celery Casserole, and my Tofurky/Triscuit nachos were good...We are eating Grape Nuts again, will go back to local Golden Temple cereal next...Call me Mr. Spaghetti; 2 batches in a row have been amazing. And I have learned 1 or 2 things to NOT do with my Magic Bullet...Add hot sauce to my creations, and they become (poisonous) dipping-quality delights...I'll admit it; I get damn lucky with food preparation. Like: Zuccghetti! Never mind...
This month of Blues Jamming: 8-2-08; Mike and Steve played at my walk-to-it bar. I got hammered, and the last 2 hours was my own private concert; nice. 8-7; Birthday Blues Jam for me. I had a request list and everything. Michael Johnson even showed and harped for me. I got drunker than fuck, again. How did I get home?..8-9; MT and Steve played at my neighborhood walk-to-it bar AGAIN; cool. I got shitty for the 2nd time that day...8-14-08; trashed again; my ride home even wound up puking--now that's funny. I may have hitch-hiked home...8-21? Back inside. Quiet night. I got trashed, with my employee-pricing on Jam nights. No MT, and no Max, but JP was back. Z played the extended AL song; nice. Michael Johnson had an excellent first set. Later I passed out somewhere, I think; let's hope there won't be a quiz on this later...8-28-08; back outside. A great mascot, as always; Max was back. I played pool with some tiny chick. Z and I will throw frisbee someday soon. I got to ride home with AL; sweet...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: Humans are just a little crash-test-virus experiment gone horribly wrong. God would want for all of His "chillen'" to be part of His multi-galactic program of tolerance and understanding (sharing files with the aliens), but we just don't fucking get it. It's like Bill Hicks said (better than this); 'Some of the backwoods people actually take their guns to UFO sightings'. Okay; why?..Please, fucking PLEASE; kill off this stupid human race before we infect anything else...God would say that all of His creatures deserve a chance--even the human mildew. Okay; maybe. But I would look GOD Himself, in the eyes, and say "Dude; what the fuck were you thinking?"
What's different here than in college town: Portland band Blind Pilot is touring the West Coast on bicycles; very nice...My county up here is testing for West Nile Virus; not that we could do anything about it anyway. I'm totally pro-death (like Bill Maher)...Not Athens, but somewhere in north GA; 2 guys claim to have found a 7 ft. 7 inch, 500lb. Bigfoot body; cancel that--it's a hoax...Not quite here, but Portland will be trying out the new Presidential $1 coins. Oregonians frequently still use the beautiful gold $1 coins honoring Sacagawea (Coins last 25 years and can be melted into new coins. Paper dollars last 2 years, and go to the shredder.)...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Different? It's 100 degrees here, too!..We have the Emerald City Roller Girls up here; real, live, ass-kicking skate chicks!..There are 3 speed-skiing courses in the U.S., and 2 of them are in Oregon...We have a "green" car dealership up here; the only one on the west coast to win the LEED Gold award; too bad it's Toyota...
Life with Static Girl: Missed a couple of walks with her early in the month because of left foot devastation...She lets them out to roam all day every day; they are now the Free Range Piggies. I would call them Olympic Piggies this month, but nobody listens to me...You think you know somebody; turns out that my Static Girl doesn't even drink the Very Vanilla Silk soy milk--she just cooks with it. I could've been drinking it right from the carton all along--for years, maybe...At this time, there are NO vegan burgers in the house; I found out the hard way...For my day-after-birthday celebration, my Static Yum bought me a Cozmic Pizza...When we have friction, it lasts for a few seconds, and she'll go and shut herself away for awhile. Then I imagine my life without her, and rush to apologize for whatever I have done wrong now...Ooo; in the heat, she'll sit around with just shorts on. She is the most gorgeous topless librarian ever!..Sometimes she will shower, but keep her hair up and dry. So then her body is all clean, and her hair still has that yummy natural Static scent...I think she's entertained by how much I like to see her panties drying on the rack. I greet them when I enter the room. And I talk to them individually, you know...Mid-month; she took me speed-walking, and I almost kept up with her...Lean, graceful birds that exist primarily alone, and keep to themselves. My girlfriend; the Heron...I've been singing to the guinea pigs; 'Machine Punch Boo'...Deaf Girlfriend; my left ear is a permanent trainwreck, and now her right ear is losing some oompf. She is much more concerned about going deaf than I appear to be...
My FCP has this for me: She and I "stumble" better than most couples walk (she said that 'our trash pile is better than most people's treasures'; I'm paraphrasing)...My mental "coffee break" (hot lips), and my "Summer Ice Cream" (cold tongue)...She's definitely a multiple-use outlet. Power strip me, baby!..She called us the day before my birthday; I drooled on the phone...Triangulated thermometer readings, and Brainstorming Head Games...My FCP is a great day at an amusement park...From writing to her, I brush with literary magic; it is often legendary...My long-distance girlfriend is also my favorite "I should've done..."...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: The TSA lost a laptop with detailed personal information of 33,000 job applicants...The alcohol poisoning death rate in the United States is shockingly high, consistently between 300 and 400 a year. It's zero for pot; 0 FOR POT!..GM is recalling a million vehicles...
A thought to take with you: "What is so wrong about speed-talking through the foreplay so we can get the music playing again?"--W. C. Davis
"If enjoying looking at sexy women covered in blood is wrong, then call me wrong!"--Mister Creepo
Oregon t-shirt: "The Hippies Were Right". Oregon bumper stickers: "Dog is my co-pilot", and "My other car is a broom",
Band names: Permanent Trainwreck, Stiff Sushi Gills (FCP), Cock-Juggling Thunder Cunt (Weeds),
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I read an editorial cartoon where Keith Olbermann was taken off MSNBC as a news anchor, and I freaked out. Thank goodness he's still running Countdown for now...
Watching: Saw my first Michael Phelps commercial; it was for Rosetta Stone--learn to speak Chinese...The CBS affiliate sports channel up here is all SEC, all the time. Life is good...Bones, Sarah Connor, and the Shield came back this month!..
Class Projects: A watching and hearing class project; 5 hours of VH-1's 100 best songs of the 80's (Bon Jovi wins)
Shit I watch alone: "Dust to Glory" (a Baja 1000 documentary), "Edmond", PBS played the Who at Kilburn 1977, Fantastic Four (puke), "Wag the Dog" again, "House of 100 Corpses" again,
Watching and Hearing: It's worth noting that with Shirley Manson starring in the Sarah Connor Chronicles, they can play all the Garbage/Shirley Manson music they want to...Romantics are selling pizza (this month), the Who is selling rice-burner cars...
Hearing: All 4 Filter CD's, Smash Pump's "Zeitgeist", both Angels + Airwaves, tons of NIN,
New on the radio; I don't fucking listen.
Musical Purchases this month: I'm too fucking broke.
Out and About: I don't fucking pay attention anymore.
Singing: "Hunker Down Hairy Dawgs..." (Go UGA!), "Bullet with Butterfly Wings"--Smashing Pumpkins; (3 in a row from the first Van Hagar;) "Dreams", "Why Can't This Be Love", and "Best of Both Worlds"; "You Could Be Mine"--G + R, "Standing on Top of the World"--Van Hagar,
What I want today: I want a "Heavyweight" Wham-O frisbee; 200 grams (I've never seen anything bigger than 175g)...
New stuff this month or so: The month starts with a Monday Holiday. Every first Monday of every month should be a holiday...My old sugarless Bubble Yum showed up at Fred Meyer!..Soccer season! Practice, games; whatever--girls will be girls, and NO I don't care that they are a third of my age. I'm a sports fan enjoying the competition...We had the Eugene Celebration mid-month. My idea of a Celebration was seeing Mike Tracey play a near-private show for me at my walk-to-it bar on 9-13-08...Million dollar business idea; Discount Limousines...9-20-08; 4 SEC teams in the top 10? No; 5, actually...Instead of 'running errands', us poor people now must go 'walking errands'...Jerry Reed (I wrote songs for), Richard Wright, and Paul Newman all passed this month...
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Not shit. Wait. Nope; not shit. I do have a list, though.
Occupational Hazards: I went to an open house thing for a different kind of call center. So?..I ran into an old co-worker from another place; she may help land me a new collections gig...Another job fair beckons, too...Security?..
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: 9-2-08; early in the morning I almost cut my left finger and thumb off while slicing old, non-Static Girl bread. Then I went to the World Outlaw races at Cottage Grove, got covered in dirt, and had a blast; varoom!..Can't play pinball with hurt finger; so using my left middle finger I scored 209 mil on MM pinball...I have been silenced! A passionately scary biker Goddess showed me a long poem she wrote, and it's one of the best I've ever read. I honestly don't know how to respond...Oops. I got drunk at my own poker game; definitely not the best move I've ever made...Good moves? The half-sliced-off finger is back! I can masturbate (yay), and score 747 mil on MM pinball (not at the same time)...I took a week off from cleaning the apartment; and even during that week our house is still one of the cleanest ones around...Epic Monday 9-15: Kicked out of 2 bars, and then the 4 of us stayed up all night, shaking our heads to Metallica till 5 am...I threw frisbee with right-handed guitarist K, also played video golf, and threw darts, too...You will now need 495 mil on MM pinball just for the lowest score (and good luck with that)...9-27; I went to the last limited sprints/modifieds/360's races of the season at Cottage Grove. Great fun, and local racing girl Brandi Bounds won the championship (I can call her a "girl" because she's only 20)...For personal reasons, I am taking a week off off drinking as this month ends. Perhaps I will give some details next month...
New foods this month: I made great nachos with the fake bacon...Fried in the iron skillet, I made my own potato french fry thingies...Did we talk about coconut juice yet? It's an acquired taste...Black Spaghetti! Black beans, black olives, and veggie crumbles; yum!..Then came "Fried Spaghetti"; yum (I am amazing)...Then came my mushroom-based veggie tacos; mmmm...Girlfriend heard about "leeks" for soup--not knowing they were onions. But she made brilliant "Leeky Stewp"!..
This month of Blues Jamming: 9-4; Max played Red House, K rips guitar with his one good hand...9-11; Before I got way too drunk, I got to hang out with a new Blues Jam grandma, LJ. K, Max, Z; everybody put on a great show...9-13 was my private celebration night with the MT Band here in my neighborhood...9-18-08; ripped, poker outside with great music inside, tons of new friends, rode home drunk with some hot chick...9-25; too drunk to remember much. Z played most of his new songs...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I'm going to tackle the big one now: Why do I believe in God; what with all the bullshit that He allows? I do put my faith into a singular love force that was intended to connect all living things. Even amidst the chaos of modern life, I believe in a chosen string theory of spiritual positivity that leads to a defined enlightenment. And; I got some feedback when I was talking to God back in '03 and '04; I believe it was Him. There had BETTER be a God, capable of explaining my oversimplified concerns--later. There WILL be a God. Period. You don't want to know what I will do if there is not--so for now I definitely believe in God. Do you see how this planet has not been dissolved into a dirt cloud yet? Yes; well, that's me--still believing in God. You're Welcome.
What's different here than in college town: Lunchsense Lunchables! The future of lunchboxes; 5 locking storage containers; no vinyl, no lead, and the exterior can be a seat or placemat...In Athens, we used to let the University pay for anything they wanted to--even street repairs. But up here there is nobody to fix the potholes except for individual citizens. Go figure...Do they make tea in AZ, or just meth? Well, we have the local Stash Company Matcha green tea, from Tigard, OR...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: In Phoenix, some 30 yr. old pedophile passed himself off as (an enrolled middle school student) a 12 yr. old boy to scout prospects for after-school specials. They caught him after a year; ha...We had a marijuana help center (score), but then it closed (booo). I didn't find out about it until afterward (nobody ever tells me anything)...Meth! Back in Phoenix, a bathtub meth lab blew up in our neighborhood every week; yawn. It took 3 years for a meth lab to blow up near us here! That's good, right?..
Life with Static Girl: She says we may join a cool, hippie community garden thing. I will grow hot peppers!..She claims to have a lump in her throat; I say it's just how much she likes me (awww), but she thinks it's cancer...When we take walks together, and she breathes deeply, I call that an "exersigh"...We re-use paper; on the back of my shopping list was her scribble of 'Thank you for being a wonderful boyfriend'. I saw it at the grocery, and smiled! (it will now live on my bulletin board)...My girlfriend will spend way too much money at the art store; similar to what I will do at CDWorld...Girlfriend made more stewp; and just like a kiss from my Dark Rift Angel--it is exquisite, but does not last long enough...Girlfriend says I need to practice pinball, because I haven't put up a high score in "decades" (um, it's been 6 days). So I went to play pinball (at the bar) on a day when I'm not even supposed to be there, and my warm-up game (3 hours) became my new MM pinball high score; 1.083 billion (my girlfriend is brilliant)...We took a a walk on the bike trail and saw TWO black sheep on the riverbank; there ain't no sheep in AZ, and not many wild sheep in GA...Soap? I haven't had to buy bar soap in over a year, because Static Girl gave me all of her old Dove bars when she changed to the vegan soaps. Now I'm on my last Dove bar; booo...Girlfriend says she is DONE washing those zippity-lock baggies--no more! We will either use tupperware, or nothing!..
My FCP has this for me: I am inside her brain now; I often pervade her every thought...I am the ONLY stalker she needs, and I saw her first! All you other blood clots and wannabe's can drop dead!..I suffered through an 'idle hands' depression, and she helped bring me out of it with flirty threats and promiscuossibilities...I have called her 'My Destiny' before; all she needs is a ticket out here...During the last week of the month, along with taking a week off from booze, I dedicated my creative energies toward her. She is more inspirational than ever; definitely my best sounding board of all time, and appreciative of my efforts. She needs to come out here and fly my kite...
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: U. S. women are still averaging 2.09 babies...The U. S. has 761 military bases across the planet...1 in 5 adults have genital herpes...The Drug War's Latest Tally: 872,721 Pot Arrests, an All-Time High. Cannabis arrests now comprise nearly 47.5 percent of all drug arrests in the United States, 89% of them for mere possession (AlterNet)...Fuck the news; we're all about dead anyway. Burn your money--start bartering...
A thought to take with you: "To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle."--George Orwell
"We shall never understand one another until we reduce the language to seven words."--Kahlil Gibran
"I'd put my money on the sun and solar energy. What a source of power! I hope we don't have to wait 'til oil and coal run out before we tackle that."--Thomas Edison
Band names: Bathtub Meth Lab, Discount Limousines, (album/song title) "Little Schoolgirl Workout", "Chat Room Drama" (FCP), "Jesus Joe--Get a Shovel!" (Keith Olbermann), "Sociological Pornography" (also Keith Olbermann), (real Oregon band) "Sexy Water Spiders", (real New Orleans band) Hookers and Blow,
(...last month we were...)
Reading: The New Temples of Syrinx; ah. I have no authority to link to it, but Etherzone has at least one real Rush fan--discussing the current financial "priests": "Hold the Red Star proudly high in hand!"...Awesome Bizarro comics! This man is quite disturbed. Dan gets down at: http://bizarrocomic.blogspot.com/...I'm going to get a book on Jose Silva, too.
Watching: I saw the darkest sketch in the history of television on a Robot Chicken rerun...On PTI (BTW, happy 7th birthday PTI!), I saw the most versatile offensive player in the NFL (rusher, blocker, receiver, quarterback; make your guess quickly...) being interviewed; Pittsburgh's Hines Ward, wearing a bright RED shirt, and a proud Georgia Bulldogs hat. I fucking LOVE Hines Ward...(As of 10-28; the new DVR works great; thank you.)
Class Projects: "Big Ideas for a Small Planet" on Sundance--very cool stuff...Static Girl watched one Sarah Connor Chronicles with me--it was the most boring episode ever (10-6); she won't watch another one, and I don't blame her (she watched one more that had lots of Shirley Manson, yay)...We watched "Notting Hill" together--no, I don't know why...We watch Bones, and House sometimes...Borrowed from my new bartender, the excellent animated "Surf's Up" (I loaned him "Wag the Dog")
Shit I watch alone: Comics Without Borders, Californication, Weeds (lots of shit on Showtime), NFL, ...Whitest Kids You Know, and the Henry Rollins show are on IFC now!..My MoM turned me on to Sons of Anarchy..."My Own Worst Enemy" is okay...Comedy Central had Denis Leary's "Lock and Load" backed with Dennis Miller's "All In"; also Sarah Silverman...(movies) "River's Edge" on IFC...I fell asleep during "Eternal Sunshine of Jim Carrey's Mind"; Sci-Fi's "Swarmed" was sad, "Seed of Chucky", "Gothika", "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead" (topless Marisa Tomei), most of "Bandits" (but the DVR was already dead), "Bully", "American Werewolf in London", "Rocky Horror", "Cherry Falls" stunk (but we love Brittany Murphy), "Splinter" sucked, "Tron" (again), "Mallrats" (again), "Spaceballs" (again),...
Watching and Hearing: Background noise is being drowned out by the low frequency hum of doom...Fuck me! This "Ovation" channel is mostly concerts and music movies; I'm keeping Peter Gabriel's "Growing Up" (until my DVR died), and glanced some Lou Reed...Saw Amy Lee on Leno...Saw Mars Volta on a rerun Henry Rollins show...A non-ELO version of "Do ya" on Californication, new NIN in a CSI Miami, On PBS--3 good Oregon female singer/songwriters make up "Dirty Martini"...Commercials? Toyota rips off The Fixx, Wrangler lip-synchs George Thoroughgood,
Hearing: Stabbing Westward's "Wither Blister Burn + Peel", 6 of the first 8 Rush albums, (trip down memory lane) Crumb, Fig Dish, and Three Penny Needle (gee, imagine),
New on the radio; Was that new Oasis? (I'm getting too old for this shit.)...I heard new AC/DC (nice), and read about new Cure music
Musical Purchases this month from the Tom Tucker discount wall at CDWorld (CDWorld is my Barbie Dream House): Nothing new; I am piss poor. But from my "Barbie Dream House" I picked up the free Century Media compilation 'Basement Noise'...
Out and About: Chicago at Albertson's, Pretenders at Dollar Tree, BOC at Dollar Tree on a Halloween candy run.
Singing: "Had a Dream"--Roger Hodgson, "In My Time of Dying"--Led Zeppelin, "What Do I Have To Do?"--Stabbing Westward, the first 10 years of Rush, "Re-Arranged"--Limp Bizket, "Farewell December"--Dream Life Misery,
What I want today: An unemployment extension, a party bus, a Defender video game, a Shamwow,
New stuff this month or so: It's not Winter until 12-21; did you know this? Brrr...The 2009 Golden Tee golf games came to my bar, and so far I rule all 5 of them. Oop; well, I still rule 3...It's not worth a commentary: I may need to get some shower soap soon; so I checked options at the grocery. Have you seen "Miley Cyrus Soap" yet? I couldn't make this up. "After those dirty perverted thoughts--clean up with Miley in the shower!" "Hey guys; now you can rub Miley all over your face and crotch!" A large cardboard cutout has a 15 yr. old Miley wearing red high-heeled stripper shoes. Ha. Is there an adult in her life who HAS a clue?..
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.): Dollar Tree run; candles, chocolate, hot sauce, antacids, mouthwash, garlic powder, toothbrushes; damn, I forgot incense (I went back and bought Nag Champa at CDWorld). Dollar Tree should hire me.
Occupational Hazards: I applied for a job online, and I was NUDE--which makes it much easier to shake my dick at the screen. Hmmm; maybe I should do some online bill-pay nekked, too...Then the online job application place wrote me a snail mail letter to say 'no thank you'; those fuckers...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: I thought I had already fixed this problem: My toe-held sit-ups are what causes my left foot pain--even with shoes on! I must replace them--oww! (Luckily the disfiguration only lasted two days this time) Do you want me to quit exercising?..I invested into a friendship with yet still another unworthy human being (I might have to turn pro). I am almost done with people completely...Met Eastwood; a white pit bull puppy with a rare red nose...I took ANOTHER week off from cleaning, and we STILL have the cleanest apartment ever!.."Chaostrophe"; that's my new word. Now use it in a sentence. Okay; "I have too many brain cells for this chaostrophe." Now I wanna sniff some glue!..I called a server at my bar an "Alco-Whore", and instead of slapping me--she loves the name...My PS2 controller died; so now I have no PS2...A new $12 watch for me, and a $12 1/8 inch haircut, too (fuck, I'm bald anyway)...I need more blue jeans--back to Goodwill for me!..Our DVR died; HUGE bummer--I was so spoiled. We are forced to go 3 days without, and all my saved programs are gone. Working on a DVR commentary now...I have a new Golden Tee student; M, and he is kicking ass...My food stamps will be dropping next month; boo...My left foot has been messed up for months. The new wrinkle THIS month is my messed up left wrist. Maybe it's cancer...
You WILL need 500 million for the #5 score on Medieval Madness pinball; that's at least 90 minutes for me, and at least 2 hours for you (good luck)...
New foods this month: At the bar, during my 6 days of no alcohol (almost a week); the hot lemon water w/honey drink. Delicious, and throat-soothing...Other than local Kettle chips, I am going to replace all regular chips with Triscuits (they're bite-sized, healthier, and perfect for nachos). I'm not done; check the ingredients (3) in a box of regular Triscuits, you MSG junkie: Wheat, oil, and salt; period...The latest bean soak in the crock pot had a pile of rice mixed into it. Good, and filling; later, it also was my first run at iron skillet fried beans (yum)...More Leeky Stewp; it was all gone in 36 hours...Lesson learned: raw horseradish roots are the hottest thing I've ever eaten--they melted part of the roof off my mouth...Walls Berry Farms? Jelly, from Portland; it's very tasty...I used my Girlfriend's (weak) vegan fake cheese sauce on some macaroni; it was barely edible...More Magic Bullet Rigatoni; yum...(fake) Chicken nugget nachos...A new bean-soak will become a vegan vegetable soup base; then you can personalize it by adding pasta, potatos, or both. Damn I'm good...Soy milk coffee? Girlfriend suggested no more cardboard fake creamer--so we both just add the Very Vanilla now.
This month of Blues Jamming: 10-2; first sober Blues Jam ever. Very few people at all, K played a great 2nd set. Horn Boy showed up! It was weird (sobriety is a weird thing) to be able to help clean up the bar after 1 am, and drive home later...10-9; another relatively quiet and empty Jam. Z played everything again, Mark the Harp sang 'Shakey Ground' for the first time, JP played bass for the first time--nice. Mark played keys (first time?) while JP bassed. Post-Jam, Z brought L and me to our neighborhood bar to see the end of MT's Blues Jam. Z played a couple of songs there, too, so I went to 2 Jams!..10-16; more indoor, no RightBob K--he's sick. Rooster Jam Scotty harped great, and then Mark had to blow even better! Max was back, too. We even had a mystery drummer guy who ran away right after his amazingly busy set! I was outside huffing paint thinner and playing poker for much of it, but this was a GREAT Jam...10-23; getting chilly outside. No RightBob K, but he was excused. Z played all his shit first set. Max ruled 2nd set--Solomon (!) even showed to drum (4 drummers?), Scotty and Mark harped, JP tickled ivories all night; very nice...10-30; RightBob K played first set, Mark harped. Guitar V showed to play set 3, no Max (boo), I got drunk and dysfunctional...
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: He may be a little pissed about my comments last month. Good! Perhaps He should apply some of His disappointment with me toward the rest of you idiot fucking sheeple...
What's different here than in college town: Washington and Oregon McDonald's have (I am not making this up) a "McCafe" where you can order specialty coffee drinks...Oregon has the country's largest solar incentive for businesses, covering 50% of set-up costs (Alternet).
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Spiders share webs up here; it's not uncommon to see 6 or more spiders cohabitating a "web wall"...One of the Dish Network call centers is in Phoenix; I told the guy to go eat at In And Out Burger AND Waffle House for me...Arizona Green Tea/Pomegranate juices in the 20 oz bottles (yum).
Life with Static Girl: The most incredible woman on the planet...It's a tricky task to be her man; between giving her attention, and giving her space. She must break her own silence to let me know when I get too close--I just try to comply...And for my continuing efforts to comply, I was rewarded with a spectacular Fall trim job...She saved me a piece of her bribery cake; sweet, and a note on it that said "For My Boyfriend"...She's losing weight! No more cookie bars are being made (booo), but she's lost 5 lbs (yay)...Oreo shoes! Her aging black hemp shoes popped a string, so now she's got white strings in them...We went to a bar together--first time in Oregon. (We did this once in Phoenix, too.) Later, my innocent girlfriend was introduced to a parking lot smog session...On a walk, Static Babe pointed out the edible (but bitter) White Oak acorns...(Like the Bizarro comic guy) My girlfriend is a vegan atheist. My title is much longer and not as specific; I'm a semi-vegetarian agnostic; DEPENDING on a tolerant and uniting love force (sure, wtf, let's call it God)...Girlfriend went back to work in some claustrophobic sweat shop--at least it's close to home...Girlfriend despises duct tape? This could be deciding; we may have to break up now...Static Girl went with me to Dollar Tree on Halloween to scope cheap art supplies...
My FCP has this for me: The 2nd most incredible woman on the planet...Nugget of Gold, a Treasure Dig, partially exposed, virtually unknown, a yummy mystery just below the surface--I need to run with this...Mutual Enrichment Therapy...My back-up bonus babe is an omniverous, God-fearing Christian (so; between the 3 of us, we have a taste of everything).
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: Still don't believe in the North American Union? Now it's the "Security and Prosperity Partnership Of North America"; go check out "http://www.spp.gov/", and learn about the "Amero" which will replace your dollars..."The US must increase its nuclear arsenal in response to China's growing military might, according to a State Department report." (I couldn't make up shit this good.)...There are still over 2800 armed nuclear devices on planet earth; sleep tight...Chrysler's cutting 2000 more employees...In 1968, Peter Glaser conceived the solar power satellite (SPS); 40 years later we finally have the admission (Sunday newspaper commentary 10-19-08). There is NO energy crisis; there NEVER was, and there NEVER will be. And what a great reason to go back and read one of my first recognized commentaries Little Black Calculator, complete with the single f-bomb that keeps people from getting too close...American Express is cutting 7,000 jobs...
A thought to take with you: Biker Steve W. at my bar (again) gets quoted with "I'm so far behind that I think I'm in first place."
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."--Winston Churchill
Band names: "Chaostrophie", "Alco-Whore", "Barbie Dream House", "White Oak Acorns", "Chicken Nugget Nachos", (real Oregon bands) "Dam It Jim" and "Please Don't Fight Here", "Rabid Right Wing Nuts" (Keith Olbermann)
(...last month we were...)
Reading: I'm pretty anal about proofreading. Check out this HEADLINE from one of my news sources. "There aren't as many males as their used to be -- not humans, not frogs, not fish." (First they use the word correctly, and then 6 words later use the wrong word. How do you NOT see that? News no longer includes proofreading.)...Real reading; my Mind Control book is astounding; I read 100 pages in one sitting (okay, 90)! It is POSSIBLE that Jose Silva can connect with the same incredible forces that Edgar Cayce did. Um, make that "likely".
Watching: Did you see Ben Affleck do his impression of Countdown Keith on SNL? That was excellent. (Speaking of SNL) Okay; so I finally watched "30 Rock"; Tina Fey is a clone of my hot girlfriend (Did you see me compliment both of them right there?). 30 Rock is JUST a do-over of HBO's Larry Sanders show from the 80's, and both are very entertaining...The Drug War; have you seen any of the (jokes disguised as) ads in the new $ billion anti-marijuana campaign? Earth to the sheep; do you really consider POT to be a primary problem in this world right now? And IF so; ha, then what are you smoking?..Seattle comedian Kyle Cease is good; shhh. So is Drew Hastings...
Class Projects: "Whale Wars" on APL; great stuff...Another Sarah Connor Chronicles!..Old CSI Miami's aren't too bad...Coming soon (2-09), Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse"; multi-tasking robotic soldiers (the Dark Angel agenda continues)...While I was sick, she watched the Terminator with me again.
Shit I watch alone: New UFO shows...My girlfriend hates "The Soup", but I watch it alone and learn stuff--like Seth Green's Robot Chicken Star Wars round 2 thing; the same exact day as the new Jeff Dunham Christmas special. Sweet...IFC Media Project; nice...On another Bill Hicks rip; I watched "Sane Man", and Bill on Austin Public Access, all 3 of the live DVD things, and the "It's Just A Ride" commentary..."Oswald's Ghost"; a new 90 minute American Experience about the Kennedy assasination...Have you seen any of the new gay male chat line ads? I MIGHT be offended, but since they cannot get married in California--let the gay chat lines screw up late-night tv for the conservative tight-asses.
Crappy cable movies: Doomed, Resident Evil (again), Crank, House of 9, SWF II The Psycho, The Cooler, UKM, Want to know a Secret?, Jackass 2.5, Double Whammy, Mean Girls (Lindsay and Lacey; slurp), When Will I Be Loved (topless Neve Campbell), the 2002 Ted Bundy movie (watched it 3 times in 2 days; yum), Hannibal Rising, Bordertown, "Guncrazy" sucked (but had good music), the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Watching and Hearing: A good (A + E's) "Private Sessions" with Lindsey Buckingham, playing old and new music...Whale Wars uses "Bullet with Butterfly Wings" as a theme song; nice...End of Century; story of the Ramones (again)...Was that new G + R on Football Night highlights?
Hearing: Bill Hicks' "Rant in E-Minor", 5 different Crystal Method CD's, Mixed Up Cure, NIN's "The Slip" (audio and video), Nashville Pussy (rules), "Anthems for the Damned" + "Short Bus"--Filter (Did you know that I own 5 different Richard Patrick discs?).
New on the radio; not new--old as dirt. When did Live's "Lightning Crashes" get the 2nd line changed from "placenta" to "intentions"? And why? It's part of childbirth; women love childbirth, right? Hello? I'm not even a huge Live fan, but leave a finished song alone. Trent had a '99 hit with NIN's "Starfuckers"; are you gonna change that, too? You pussies. In the words of Roger Daltrey (before the year 2000 and CSI) "Aw, who the fuck are you?"...New music; Smashing Pumpkins and G + R; so?
Musical Purchases this month, Tom Tucker discount wall, CDWorld, my Barbie Dream Home: Nothing. I used to live for music. I used to BREATHE music; and now the music industry can kiss my ass. Well, until they hire me for something. And I did go to my Barbie Dream World to get some more Nag Champa incense.
Out and About: AFI, Pink, and Chicago at Fred Meyer; BTO at Albertson's. Man, I'm just trying to stay out of fights at the grocery.
Singing: "No Reply"--Phil Collins, "Circus of Heaven" and "Does It Really Happen"--Yes, "Bye Bye Love"--the Cars, "Bat Out Of Hell"--Meatloaf, "We've Got Tonight"--Bob Seger, "Goodbye"--Z-Bass, and there's more--but who cares?
What I want today: The class of James Bond, the charisma of Ted Bundy, and the comedic timing of Bill Hicks...(One more time) An unemployment extension, a "Bean" exerciser (and an Ab-lounge), and a pile (all 3 sizes) of Tesla Purple Energy Plates, and a 60 gallon trash bag full of Alaskan Thunder Fuck weed. And what is that new Christmas bud shit? Give me a freezer full of that, too. I'll show you sheep how to "nest".
New stuff this month or so: I got my unemployment extended!..CSI pinball! Born 11-11-08; it looks fantastic! Go to: http://www.pinballnews.com/games/csi/index3.html ...
Poker partying: my selective hearing heard 'Stoned out of your blind', and a new penalty called "Roughing the Table".
This Month of bargain-shopping (Dollar Tree, Cash King, Big Lots, etc.):
Occupational Hazards: Yawn...
Personal shit for my own memory banks this month: (Last month actually) I played this game called "Apples to Apples"; didn't understand it, and didn't always have enough cards in my hand, but I still won the game; woo...11-3-08; the 26th anniversary of my death in a car wreck. D. O. called to remind me of how "not dead" I am now...Meditation; I am going to get something out of it. Nothing else is working for me...My left wrist is better! Yay; perhaps it was just having a bad week as November started...11-4-08; in 1 game of Golden Tee Live I had a couple of shots posted to You Tube. There are/were 15 total greatest shot videos on the "Sunny Wood" course, and I had 2 of them on 11-5. That's good, right? Never mind--I have a few shots up there on different courses now...I finally finished one of my own poker tournaments; woo...MM pinball scores were reset; my first game back was 309 million. The moat is still broken, and nobody will touch that score (with a broken moat), thank you...I fiddled with my PS2, and got it to work; yay. So now I can GT4 again...My dreams are getting more vivid--a by-product of better relaxation...I got sick on 11-20, and I want to die now...MM pinball is fixed--sort of. But now it's steeper and less friendly--hard as shit...Little bugs are continuing to dive-bomb me; why?..Is it just me, or does everybody promise to appreciate life more as they get over being sick? I'm so happy to finally be able to almost barely breathe through both sides of my nose again (11-24) that I'm promising to: exercise, clean house, meditate, and write to my FCP daily--ASAP...
New foods this month: Starting 11-1-08 (consider the day before), we have 2 bags of vegan lollipops to get through...More tofu sponges, and she turns them into ketchup sandwiches...My newest creation: Tempeh/Spaghetti, and it rules!..No more of that almost acceptable almond cheese substitute stuff for her--it's not vegan...Going more vegan? Our only pasta sauces will be Newman's Own Organics now, and our only fake burgers will be Amy's...Trying out a "pea" soak; green and black-eyed (stay tuned), and it's good! Then we fried the pea paste, and that was also excellent!..Happy with me, yay, Girlfriend made another batch of cookie bars, and a pile of hummus for me to sample; mmmm...Mid-month I made my first batch of crock-potted vegan beef stew, with some of Girlfriend's TVP--excellent!..We've been doing carrot and celery sticks daily; yay us!..My 2nd batch of vegan beef stew was made old-school style; on the stove! Yum, and gone in 2 days...Then Static Girl made some soup with lots of celery. It was okay, but she called it "crappy". Yum...She and I disagree on eggs and honey; I like them both...Local tea; the organic Yogi Honey Lemon Throat Comfort helped me get through a minor sickness...More stove-top vegan beef stew (round 3).
This month of Blues Jamming: 11-6-08; it's been awhile since I've said 'This was the best jam ever!' This one fucking was--there were more musicians than audience. It was the first Westside Blues Jam EVER that had 2 sign-up sheets (more than 20 musicians). MT came back, Axle was back, Max and RightBob, 3 R's on other guitars, with Tomas permanently in place--5 fucking drummers (Theo even brought a bonus guitar player, C, who got to play MT's 4th set with poker star/guitar A), 4 harps--thanks to MJ's appearance; Z-Bass' warm-up song was "Amberlee", MJ's was 'Roll up the windows', MT's was "I Don't Care" (sweet); honestly there wasn't much more they could have done for me, and they did stuff for ME in all 4 sets...11-13; early poker and Patriots/Jets game start. K's reunited guitar and Roger did set 2, Max and A did set 3 (A reverse bottlenecked with a green Bic lighter, sweet). Bonus drummer's girlfriend wanted to make out with me; instead, I got drunk, made everybody cough, and cabbed home...11-20-08. I woke up with a sore throat, and did not feel very Blues Jammy early. But I wound up going, and having a blast (I'm going to get sick anyway--might as well tie one on.). It was an epic smog-fest; a glug and puff of monumental background noise. K did set 2, with Z, and I bribed them to play Amberlee. Axle did his frontman dance. Then it starts to get blurry. Bonus drummer chick kept flirting with me; poker A did set 3 nicely. Horn Boy showed, and would factor in later as my ride home. BLURRY. He took me to a couple of different places, and eventually home--with his trumpet in hand. I was begging him to play it and wake up my girlfriend (what the hell; I'll be dead tomorrow anyway), but he wouldn't. We love Horn Boy; he also gave me some "fish". I apparently went through 3 pairs of underwear this night; and no, I cannot explain it. Perhaps I shit in my sleep?
My trials and trib.s as a critical believer in the concept of God: I believe in God, but just barely. And now common sense is starting to pull me away--as I see God being used by others as simple justification to do bad things. George Carlin and Dan Piraro make some pretty good arguments against religion, and I'm not even going to glance over there at Bill Maher and his "Religulous"--that might make me cry...God wants me to meditate; that's my story (More personal peace, less individual stress, and daily relevance--sign me up!)...Okay, okay. I was worried that a dive into meditation might belittle a need for a unifying love force that I like to call "God". It turns out that there does exist a "higher intelligence" that is seperate from God...
What's different here than in college town: This small Oregon area has many different titles, and I just learned another one; we are: "Northwest of Normal"...Oregon exported $893 million to China in the third quarter of 2008 (our top export country)...Oregon has the best tasting and least expensive truffles in the world. I know next to nothing about this pungent fungus--but we will learn more!..Same as college town; the college football civil war happened the same day here...Convicted felons are being set free in Oregon because there aren't enough jail beds for them...
What's different here than dumbass Arizona: Who the fuck cares? We are not in Arizona anymore, and neither is TPG--which was why we went there in 2000. Oh; TPG says 'hi'--he is well-dressed in Washington state.
Life with Static Girl: My most incredible of girlfriends has a new website thingie; "http://riftvegan.livejournal.com/". Maybe she'll update it weekly now! Actually, it's a daily Drift with Rift..Between my Static Girl's "mostly vegan", and my "seriously semi-vegetarian" (that I call New Vegetarianism), we have a pretty good grasp of the non-cruelty and eco-friendly ideal...My girlfriend dropped and shattered something on the kitchen floor. She did NOT yell, cuss, flail her arms wildly, or stomp around; she didn't even shoot birds at the mess she made. She calmy went for the broom and dustpan. "Effective; but kind of boring sometimes": THAT'S my girlfriend!..She's already read 75 books this year--my Librarian Goddess Girlfriend. She buys so many books from Amazon that she gets free shipping--which I am also utilizing to get my first Jose Silva book...She likes UPS; I am more of a "regular mail" guy...To save me from having to rub Miley Cyrus soap all over me, my girlfriend has conceded some of her old vegan glycerine soap bars; yay..."fastidious"--now that's a big word for Boo, who is dainty and timid...Static Girl's hair grows about an inch per day--it's like kudzu. She also sheds, and it's everywhere! I ask her if it's wonderful to have so much hair, and she just rolls her eyes...Ask me about my super hot vacation spot--the magic lamp!..More comparisons to my girlfriend; Brittany Murphy! I don't need to see her in Maxim bikini pictures. Just Brittany; in a t-shirt, with dark hair down, and no make-up--wow! She could easily be Static Girl's hot younger sister...If I asked her to, my "insanely awesome" Rift Vegan S.O. would be the ultimate serial killer's girlfriend; she sincerely does not care what I do. And I DO have some time to kill. Hmmm...She was right, again; ordering online/home delivery saves the problems of driving, parking, and dealing with idiots in stores. I still like regular mail, though...My girlfriend makes me sick! She brought home some sore throat bug from her new job; boo (11-19). Then my girlfriend said I need to drink more; but not alcohol...Static Girl went grocery shopping with me; I was a great companion until the checkout, where (yet again) stupid women are allowed to run around and make bad decisions and cause problems for people like us who actually know how to read...My girlfriend is a living reminder of how thankful I should be everyday. Because of her, I am King Shit of All Time...
My FCP has this for me: She works hard, and uses me as a mental vacation--I like that...She's a big fan of sushi, which I have not had yet, but look forward to eating off of her...Later there might be some wasabi on me, and some guacamole in her valley--never mind!..We traded nice Thanksgiving e-mails with praise and flirtation...She and I are strangely symbiotic shapes cut from compatible fabric. And I could go on, but I actually have to finish this Sidebar shit and get back to writing to her.
Comments From The Peanut Gallery: (I cannot be the only person thinking this:) Let the fucking oil companies (and their trillion dollar 2008 profits) bail out the big 3 auto-makers...One American is arrested on marijuana charges every 36 seconds (Alternet)...Citigroup is cutting 52,000 jobs; nice...
A thought to take with you: "All matter comes from a primary substance, the luminiferous ether..."--Nikola Tesla
"My greatest wealth is the deep stillness in which I strive and grow and win what the world cannot take from me with fire or sword"--Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Band names: Calcified Lesions (KornBob),
"Flammable Pepper Spray" (CSI), "Airplane Pills" (PTI), "Poliosis" (Jeff Dunham).